


Well, I think he's nice

by Daisystypewriter



Series: Maybe there’s a reason to believe you’ll be okay [1]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen
Genre: Agh it's jus a little complicated, Also it's kinda a slow burn, Connor Deserves Happiness, Connor's kind of a creep but not really, Cute boys, Evans cute, F/F, Fluff, Heidi Hansen Is A Good Mom, I know I know Connor self harming is overdone but I see it as canon now, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Lying (kinda?), M/M, Multi, My babes living in NYC after high school, Possible angst later but who knows, Sincerely three but only at the end, So he sort of pretends to be happy??, Suicide attempt(mentioned), Tree Bros, but also not really this is too much fun, hope y'all like it, im sorry, its gay, jared is an asshole, jealous Jared? Perhaps
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-14
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2018-12-15 08:15:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 50
Words: 39,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11802051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daisystypewriter/pseuds/Daisystypewriter
Summary: Connor is kind of an ass. Everyone knows that. Well, almost everyone.Evan thinks Connor is nice. And damn if he won't let Evan think that.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, this oughta be a little longer, hope y'all are cool with that! I looove slow burns so imma try to make one :))

Chapter 1

Connor wasn't a nice person, according to literally almost everyone who had met him. Except Evan Hansen, who was too cute for this world and never understood what people were talking about when discussing Connor’s unfriendliness. That was mostly Connor’s doing though. He had had a massive crush on Evan since forever, and he wasn't going to let his less than warm personality get in the way of having Evan. So, when he worked up the nerve to talk to him, Connor was a different person. He slouched next to Evan’s locker, offering a smile.  
“Hi! Evan, right? I was wondering if you maybe needed a ride home or something. I'm Connor by the way.” He shook the smaller boy’s hand. Evan smiled up at him.  
“Hi, uh, yeah! I could use, could use a- a ride.” Evan mentally slapped himself. Curse his stutter! He hoped Connor, who was really cute actually, wouldn't notice. The taller boy walked Evan back to his car, chivalrously carrying Evan’s books for him. Evan seemed like the kind of guy who would pass out if he carried heavy books for too long anyway. Connor opened the door to the passenger seat for him, then gingerly set his books on his lap. Evan lived on the other side of town, so they had time to talk and listen to the radio. Connor peppered him with simple questions to find out more about him.  
“What's your favorite color?”  
“Uh, blue actually.”  
“Favorite movie?”  
“The, the princess bride?” Well now Evan had screwed it up, now Connor would think he was a dork who liked chick flicks.  
“Haha, that one’s classic! Favorite soda?” On and on they talked, Connor finding out that he loved trees more than anything, that he would probably commit a crime in the name of the slushee, that his mom worked the late shift at a hospital. They were both actually sad to see Evan’s house at the end of Maple street. Connor stopped him just as Evan was about to get out of the car.  
“Hey, you told me that you never have a ride home. Do you want me to take you home during the school week or…”  
Evan nodded, the words not quite coming out right.  
“Uh, the week? Yeah, sure, sure! I could use a- a ride in that- that time.” Connor tilted his head.  
“Hey, no need to get nervous. You don't have to if-”  
“No, no- no I really would, would like that, it's just my stut- um, my st-stutter. Sorry about that.” Evan smiled, obviously embarrassed.  
“Well, don't sweat it. I'll meet you at your locker, okay?” He grinned, and his cheeks hurt, because he never grinned. Like never. Evan smiled back and took off, not wanting to embarrass himself further. Once he was inside, Connor pumped both fists in the air.  



	2. Chapter 2: Evan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, I really don't know how many chapters I plan to make, but this is really fun so far!

Chapter 2

Evan

Evan Hansen was ecstatic! He had a ride home from a friendly boy with beautiful hair! Wait, stop, Evan. Connor probably didn't like him, nor would Connor want Evan thinking about his hair like that. He probably just felt bad for him, not having a ride home. Well, whatever. He didn't have friends anyway, so this was really, really nice. He texted Jared the big news, flopping down on his baby blue bedspread.  
 **Me: Hey Jared! Guess what?**

**Jared Kleinman: what do you want, Hansen**

**Me: You don't have to take me places if you don't want to anymore! Someone else is giving me rides!**

**Jared: oh yeah? who wants to give you a ride, dude**

**Me: That kid in our English class, Connor Murphy?**

**Jared: that asshole? why**

**Me: He is not an a**hole! He was so nice, and HE offered to give me a ride home.**

**Jared: oh my god**

**Jared: sweet, naive Hansen**

**Jared: he wants you**

**Me: Uh, no crap Jared? He probably does wanna be my friend**

**Jared: lmfao**

**Jared: well have fun with your new friend and tell me the details after he bangs you**

**Me: WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT??? IM LEAVING BYE >:(**

**Jared: pfftahahaha that's great**

**Jared: bye Hansen**

So much for talking to Jared. He rolled over on the bed and took a nap, hoping his mom would wake up in time for dinner.

Once Heidi did wake up around five, she made the two of them stir fry with extra mushrooms, just the way Evan liked it.  
“How was your day at school, sweetie?” She asked, expecting the usual noncommittal answer.  
“Pretty good actually. A kid from class, from class drove me home, and he's gonna do- do it every day, it looks like.” Evan didn't stutter so much around his Mom, who encouraged him to speak slower to make fewer mistakes. Heidi smiled.  
“You've got a new friend? That's wonderful, Evan! We should celebrate! How about you and I go to Dairy Queen before my shift starts?” Evan groaned at the big deal she was making, but nodded nonetheless.  
Once at the Dairy Queen, Evan spilled the beans on Connor over their blizzards. That he was tall, had cool hair, had a sister who Evan knew, that he liked Coke more than Pepsi, that he wanted to be a doctor when he grew up. Both mother and son felt an enormous sense of relief at the fact that Evan might have a real friend for the first time.


	3. Chapter 3- Connor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan wants to hang out. Connor is definitely cool with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) I'm not good at notes but I hope y'all enjoy!

Chapter 3

Connor

Connor experienced the rest of that August as a blur and in slow motion at once. Evan, with his cute blue shirts and his freckles and his stutter, got into his car every afternoon, called him his friend. It was amazing, to tell the truth. And yeah, Connor knew he was being weirdly exclusive with his kindness, and yes, he was an asshole a lot of the time, but adorable Evan Hansen seriously didn't need to know that. One Friday afternoon, Connor walked him out to his car, slinging an arm over Evan’s thin shoulder. They were playfully arguing about whether Severus Snape deserved redemption, when Evan suddenly stopped just before they reached Connor’s heavily dented car. He seemed to gather his thoughts, speaking slowly so he wouldn't stutter.  
“Hey, so, do you uh, want to- to hang out today?” So not perfect, but close enough.  
Connor laughed.  
“We hang out every day, dude.” Evan frowned.  
“No, like at my house. Ahshootyouprobablyhavestufftodoimsorryyoudonthaveto-” Connor cut him off.  
“Evan. Take a breath. I'd love to hang out.” Connor smiled and opened Evan’s door for him.

30 minutes later, the two sat in Evan’s bedroom, trying to make conversation.  
Evan seemed incredibly guilty, like he was ruining everything.  
“I'm sorry, Con. I- I bring you over here, and I don't even, even know how to talk to you- talk to you like a normal person. Sorry.”  
“Hey, don't sweat it. I'm not much of a conversationalist myself. You wanna play video games?” That boy sure apologized a lot, Connor thought to himself. And just like that, the awkwardness ended, in favor of FIFA and Halo. The little blue upstairs bedroom was so loud with laughter and rapid conversation that it almost woke Heidi up. 

That evening, Heidi made spaghetti for herself and the two boys, hardly controlling her excitement that her son’s friend was real! That shouldn't have surprised her, but Evan had had imaginary friends up to the sixth grade, so you couldn't blame Heidi for her shock, even though her son was a junior.  
Connor was doing his best to keep it together, to remember his manners and be gracious to his hosts. Evan’s mom was really sweet, and a fantastic cook. She was really welcoming to Connor, treating him as though he had dinner with them all the time. Connor dreaded the arrival of 7 pm, when he had to head home, and Evan didn't seem to like it any more than he did. Evan hugged him when it was time to go.  
“You- you should come over again sometime! Imeanyousodonthavetoifyoudontwantbut-” Connor ruffled his hair.  
“Hey, hey! I'll totally come back. See you Monday, okay? Dinner was great, Mrs. Hansen!” He called into the kitchen, where Heidi was doing the dishes before her shift started.  
“Bye, sweetie! Come again sometime, okay?” Heidi called back. Connor smiled. Yeah. He could get used to this.


	4. Chapter 4- Evan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan doesn't think of it as a date.  
> Connor thinks he asked Evan out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I think this is a little shorter, but there's more to come guys, promise!

Chapter 4

Evan

Evan lay flat on his bed, contemplating whether or not he wanted to take a nap one Saturday afternoon when his phone pinged. Evan almost fell off his bed in shock, no one texted him. Carefully, he lifted up the phone, wincing.  
 **UNKNOWN NUMBER: hey dude it's Connor. This is the number you gave me right?**

  
Evan squealed. He thought Connor was just being nice when he said he'd text Evan.

  
**Me: Hi! Yeah, this is Evan!**

**Connor Murphy: Hey so do you wanna go to see a movie and get dinner or something?**

**Connor Murphy: I mean if you don't wanna that's chill but I'd like to**

**Connor Murphy: you know what nvm I'm sorry**

**Me: Of course I wanna go! I was just asking my mom, so um sorry for leaving you hanging.**

**Me: Pick me up at 7?  
  
Connor Murphy: yes!!**

**Connor Murphy: I mean sure**

Evan did a little dance in his bedroom. His best friend wanted to go to movies with him! The rides home, the dinner, the video games, all of that Evan’s anxiety could tell him was just out of pity, but this? Going to the movies and getting dinner? That was something friends did! He grinned from ear to ear in the mirror.  
“Dear Evan Hansen,” he said to himself, “tonight is gonna, gonna be a good night a-and here's why… your best friend thinks you're cool enough to hang out, to hang out with on the weekends, and right now, that's en-enough.”

Evan was waiting by the door when Connor knocked on it. Evan stood up immediately, realized he stood up too fast, and opened the door, vision purple and spotty. He stumbled into his tall friend’s arms with a groggy “heyyy Connor,” who patiently held him till his vision came back to normal.   
“Sat by the door too long, acorn?” Connor asked gently as Evan, flustered, removed himself from Connor’s grip.   
“Yeah,” Evan said, embarrassed at how fragile and prone to passing out, or close to it he was. Connor, realizing his obvious discomfort, made a motion for the door.  
“Uh, shall we?” Connor said, extending an arm to the wobbly Evan, who Connor was always kinda worried was going to faint at the drop of a hat. They made their way to the car like that, in no hurry. Evan was worrying himself about whether or not Connor would want to share an armrest, how much popcorn he could eat if Connor was buying, while Connor was just smiling, thinking how lucky he was.


	5. Chapter 5- Connor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan realizes he's on a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so the POV sorta slipped away from me I'm sorryyy

Chapter 5

Connor

Holy shit, he was on a date with Evan Hansen. This was not a drill! And best of all, Evan wasn't even panicked like Connor thought he might be. He was acting like they were just going to hang like normal. They went out for pizza first. Connor could tell Evan wasn't one for eating out. He couldn't relax, asking Connor to order for him and messing with his napkin to relieve tension. Connor put a steady hand on Evan’s, making him freeze up and blush.   
“Hey,” he said softly, “I'm sorry I brought you here. I didn't know restaurants weren't good for you.” Evan’s eyes widened.  
“OhnononorestaurantsarelikefineatleastwithyouImsorryidontwantyoutoworry-” Connor smiled.  
“Take a breath. It's all good. Here, you're almost finished anyway right? Let me get the check.” Evan opened his mouth in protest, but Connor shook his head.  
“A gentleman always pays on the first date.”  
Evan almost gasped, but managed to stay silent. A date? Surely Connor was kidding. He was kidding, right? Sure, Evan knew Connor was gay, but they were just going to dinner and a movie, right? Like friends do… the flaw in this was that Evan didn't have friends and couldn't confirm this. Oh my god.  
Well, what was he supposed to do? It would be so awkward to tell him this wasn't a date, I mean imagine if he was wrong, but even if this was a date Connor would hate him for shutting him down and his only friend would totally despise him and-   
Connor interrupted his train of thought.  
“Acorn,” he said, concerned, grasping Evan’s hand. “You're hyperventilating. It's okay. I've got my card back, see? Let's get you to the car and we can talk.” He led the wheezing Evan out of the restaurant, protectively rubbing his shoulders. Evan tried to focus on things he could sense, something that helped when he panicked.  
One. The sky was a washed out indigo.  
Two. Connor’s hand was warm, and his was cold.  
Three. There was still the smell of pizza in the air.  
Four. There were garish orange leaves littering the parking lot.  
Five. Connor's hand had wrapped around his waist in the walk.   
They climbed into the car together quickly. Connor took Evan’s hand once more.  
“Evan, look at me,” Connor said quietly. “Everything is going to be fine- here. Breathe in for four counts, hold for seven, out for eight. You with me, acorn? In, two, three, four, hold, two, three…” Slowly, Evan’s breathing went back to normal.  
“Now,” Connor sighed, though not annoyed, “what's going on? You never hyperventilate without reason.” Evan shook his head. “Hey, hey, no. C’mon, Ev, what's wrong?” Connor pouted, giving him puppy dog eyes to make Evan giggle. It worked.   
“I'm, I’m-I am fine, real-really, I just, uh, so, yousaidthiswasadateandIdidntknowthatandimsorry.”  
“Wait, what? You didn't think I was asking you out?” Connor was silent for a moment before bursting into laughter. “Evan Hansen, that's adorable. Jared was right, you're too pure for your own good.” He paused. “But really, it's okay. It was- wishful thinking to imagine that a guy like me could ever be lucky enough… to have a guy like you.”


	6. Chapter 6- Connor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan is out sick. Jared is an asshole. Connor gets beat up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is another Connor POV chapter to make up for when it turned to Evan's POV :) hope you guys like it!!  
> Also, trigger warning, Connor gets beat up, it's not pretty. Also mention of a slur for gay people (I am gay btw so though I don't like saying it I didn't feel that there would be a problem putting in my writing)

Chapter 6

Connor

Evan was home sick today, so Connor spent the October school day wandering aimlessly, hardly bothered to get to class. He was a little high. Just a little, he told himself. He was slumped next to his locker, somewhat zoned out, when notorious asshat, Jared Kleinman and one of his football buddies approached. Yeah, Connor and Jared talked sometimes, but Jared seemed to have something more violent in mind today.  
“‘Sup, homo,” Jared said, slamming his hand into the lockers next to Connor’s head, laughing when he flinched.  
“Afternoon, boys. What'll it be today?” Connor said lazily, stretching. The jocks both took a step closer.  
“Just wanna remind you to keep that fag shit outta my face with your new boyfriend, Murph. Hey Chris, whaddaya say we teach this fairy a lesson?” Jared smirked.  
“Just try me, fuckass.” Connor spat in his face.  
It was over soon, but not soon enough. Connor left the scene limping with two black eyes, cuts on his face from the weird ass rings the other guy, Chris wore, and bruises everywhere. He was in his car, hoping he would be lucky and lose consciousness, when his phone pinged.

**Acorn: Hey, what time did you say you were gonna visit again?**

Fuck **.** He had promised Evan that he would bring soup and a rom com over to help him feel better.

**Me: i’ll be over there in a few minutes, but you have to promise you won't freak out**

**Acorn: Why????? What's going on??**

**Me: nothing. it's really not much, i just don't look my best**

**Acorn: Connor…**

**Me: i’ll be over in just a minute, okay? don't worry about me.**

Connor unlocked the door to Evan’s house, using the spare key Heidi had given him. Armed with chicken noodle soup and Love Actually, he made his way upstairs into Evan’s little blue room. Inside, Evan was wrapped in several blankets and was sitting up in bed, arms crossed, obviously concerned.  
“Hey, Acorn,” Connor said shakily. Evan looked terrified.  
“Con-Connor?” Evan gasped. Connor nodded slowly.  
“Yeah, listen, Ev, I’m fine-”  
“Your- your face!” Evan burst into tears. Connor rushed to Evan’s bed.  
“Hey, no, no- Evan, it's fine, I'm fine, it's nothing!” Connor soothed, holding his friend tightly.  
“It-it- it isn't no-nothing,” Evan sobbed. “Wh-who did this to you?”  
Connor sighed.  
“Just a couple assholes.” He rubbed Evan’s back.  
“Who?”  
“... Jared Kleinman and Chris Schuman,” Connor said quietly, taking a moment to remove a long lock of chestnut hair from his face. Evan shot up in bed.  
“WHAT?” Evan tried to shout, but he was sick, had been crying and all that came out was a loud, breaking sound that vaguely resembled the word. Connor pulled him back towards him.  
“It doesn't matter. I know he's your friend-”  
“Well, not anymore he's not. What the- what the hell happened?” Evan was cursing, which was a bad sign, as Evan never cursed.  
“I don't even care, Evan. This kind of stuff happens all the time to me,” Connor said, smoothing down his friend's hair, drying his tears.  
“W-wait, what?” Evan looked up at him with those doe eyes, big and blue and wet with tears. Shit, he was cute, even sick and crying.  
“I uh, well, you know I'm gay, Evan. Not everyone supports it.” Evan blinked at him.  
“Wait, they did this because you're gay?” His eyes were so sad and wide.  
“No! I mean, yeah, that's why, but don't worry about it. Hey, Acorn, you don't have to cry.” He ran a thumb under Evan’s tear soaked lashes. Evan nodded.  
“Y-yeah, okay, I’m good. But you gotta let me take care of your bruises, okay?” Connor tried to protest, but the smaller boy slowly got out of bed, using his tall friend as a crutch to find the first aid kit.  
Ten minutes later, they were sitting on the couch, Evan cleaning the cuts on Connor’s jaw, while Connor waited for Evan’s soup to reheat. When Evan was satisfied that Con was properly bandaged, they finally sat back and watched Love, Actually, wrapped in blankets. As Connor gave Evan another spoonful of soup, he suddenly stared intently at his best friend.  
“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be,” he said, cracking a smile, though it hurt.  
“Me too.” Evan said softly, not breaking his gaze.


	7. Chapter 7- Evan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Texting Chapter! Evan wants to know why Jared beat Connor up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! This is just a quick texting chapter, nothing special. Now you Jared lovers out there may be wondering why I'm treating him so badly. Truth is, I love Jared too, and if you guys want a story where Jared is a good guy, or at least redeemable, all ya gotta do is ask!

Chapter 7

After Connor left, promising to change his bandages regularly, Evan texted Jared.

**Me: HEY ASSHOLE. Why the hell would you do that to my friend?!**

**Jared: do what, Hansen?**

**Me: YOU BEAT MY BEST FRIEND UP, JERK.**

**Jared: oh that. Wait I thought I was your best friend?**

**Me: Not anymore! Unlike you, Connor is nice, fun, likable and caring. AND YOU BEAT HIM UP. YOU BEAT UP THE NICEST GUY EVER UP.**

**Jared: wow ok so for one that guy is a literal emo stoner who should probably scare a guy like you to death,**

**Jared: and two I had no idea you were that gay for him, Hansen.**

**Me: What the heck, Jared? For the last time, I'm not gay. Just leave me and Connor alone from now on.**

**Jared: hey no.**

**Jared: i was drunk, old vodka in a water bottle trick, and Chris dared me to do it.**

**Me: Don't care.**

**Jared: hey, I'm sorry, alright?**

Evan blocked him. A few minutes later, Connor texted.

**HairBoy: hey, are you okay? I felt bad leaving you alone since you're sick**

**Me: Don't worry about it! I'm fine, the soup and movie really helped.**

 

**HairBoy: ok well make sure to take the meds that your mom left on the counter**

**HairBoy: oh and stay wrapped up, you totally had a fever when i checked**

**Me: Connor, I’ll be fine. I'll probably even make it to school tomorrow.**

**HairBoy: you'd better**

**HairBoy: it's boring without you at school**

**Me: Well, if I'm not, maybe you can actually get work done instead of texting me all period :D**

**HairBoy: i’ll never stop texting u, evan hansen**

**HairBoy: no matter what happens**

**Me: Aw dang! Really?**

**Me: No no wait I was being sarcastic I like you texting me I was just trying to be sarcastic like you sometimes are.**

**HairBoy: i know lmao**

**HairBoy: see you at school, acorn**

**Me: See you**.


	8. Chapter 8- Evan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Halloween, and Evan sees something he wasn't supposed to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody! Sorry, a little late in the day, I know. Heads up, this one might be a little longer but hey, y'all seem to enjoy. Love you guys and hope you school age kids have a fun back to school! Trigger warning: self harm scars, discussion about depression and suicide attempts

Chapter 8

 

Evan

 

Halloween had never been a fun holiday for Evan. Dressing up in an uncomfortable costume, walking all around the city asking strangers for candy? No thanks. But everything was different with Connor. The brunette was determined to give Evan a good Halloween, come hell or high water. So they improvised costumes, resolving to go trick or treating despite the fact that they were far too old. Connor was a huge fan of Halloween, Evan knew, and no matter how much he said that it was the candy, it was clear to his friend that it was a matter of getting to be something or someone else. This deep love for the holiday meant he was great at making his own costumes. Evan had insisted that they not go as anything scary, another reason he hated the holiday. So they were cheesy, going as Peanut Butter and Jelly, with painted Newsies caps for lids and shirts designed to look like their jars. It was the evening, about an hour before they had to go when things went a little off the rails.

They were changing into their costumes when Evan saw them. On his best friend's arms. Criss-crossing scratches and cuts, most appearing to be old and completely healed. He felt himself gasp more than he heard it, and Connor whirled around. "What's wrong?" he said, brow furrowed in concern.

"Your arms! Connor, what happened to your arms?" He said, as if there was some sort of hope that it wasn't what he thought. Connor sighed, finished pulling his tan JIF shirt all the way on and sitting next to him on the bed.

"Ev, I did it. Most of it was a long time ago. I used to cut up my arms sometimes." Evan looked up at him for a moment, before taking his hand.

"But why?" He asked plaintively. Connor didn't seem the type. He was so sweet, and happy-go-lucky, and charming, that Evan couldn't imagine him doing something like this.

"Evan, did I ever tell you why we never go over to my house to hang out?" Connor sighed. Evan shook his head. "Well, the thing is, my family isn't exactly like the one on  _ Leave it to Beaver. _ We still fight a lot, but a couple of years ago, it was really awful. My dad doesn't really get me or Zoe, and my mom wouldn't ever stand up for herself when my dad treated her badly. Zoe and I fought all the time, and my mom always liked Zo better because she got good grades and never talked back. My dad wanted to kick me out in my freshman year when I came out, and my mom almost let him." He took a breath. "So I found one of Zoe's razors that she shaved her legs with. And I just... tried it out. Tried to see if cutting myself fixed anything. And it didn't, but I didn't really want to stop doing it either. Fast forward two months, and I tried to kill myself that way." 

He was crying now, talking between shuddering breaths. Evan held him, brushed Connor's long hair out of his brown eyes while he talked. "I just thought, no one would miss me, you know? I thought that no one cared. And back then, no one but my mom and maybe Zoe did care." He shifted, putting his head in Evan's lap, letting his hair form a halo around his head. "But now I know someone else does care, Evan. You care about me, and that's about all I could ask for right now. Ev, I wasn’t in a good place when we met, but frankly, I haven’t felt this okay since the eighth grade. And it’s because I have a friend like you.” Connor smiled, and the moment was comfortable.

Evan shook his head at his friend, smiling sadly. "It isn't that at all," he said softly, "You're just strong a-and brave. I know you can do anything. You- you know how I know that?" Evan breathed.

"How, acorn?"

"Be-because you showed me, showed me that I could fir-fir-first." Evan's stutter was getting in the way again, but his tall friend didn't seem to mind. 

"I'm so glad I met you." Brown eyes stared at Azure.

“I’m glad I- I- I met you too, Connor,” Evan whispered, and it was tense for him again, because gosh, Connor’s lips looked soft. He leaned just a little too close, and Connor stared up just a little too intensely, and their mouths parted, hearts beating in time, when Evan broke the spell. “A-a- are you ready, um, ready to go?” Evan said, face flushed. He anxiously twiddled his thumbs while Connor sat up, a little off- put. 

“Yep,” Connor said too loudly, clearing his throat. Evan put on the little purple cap, hoping Connor couldn’t hear how fast his breathing was. He could. “C’mon, let's get the Jack O'Lanterns.” Evan nodded quickly and followed the boy out of his room.

 

Three hours later, the boys were a mess, on sugar highs, and talking loud enough to wake up the neighborhood. Eventually, they settled down, leaning next to each other, lanterns filled with candy on the floor.

“Was Halloween any better to you this year, Ev?” Connor said breathlessly, still winded from all of the talking and singing and running around they had been doing. All Evan could do was nod.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're thankful. And also really gay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyeyey! So I'm not gonna stick to my specific POVs anymore, I feel like it kinda prevents story flow :/ (also!!! Almost 700 hits! I feel so blessed thank you guys!!)

Chapter 9

The first snow of the year. It was late November, and Connor was driving Evan home when Evan remembered to ask.  
“Con,” he exclaimed. “I'm so so sorry! I forgot- my mom and I wanted to know if you wanted to spend Thanksgiving with us tonight? It- it wouldn't be any-anything fancy, just some turkey and mashed potatoes a-and we could watch the parade if you want to, imeanilikeitbutyoudonthavetoum-” Connor smiled his charming grin, silencing Evan instantly.  
“I’d love to,” he said, climbing out of the car with Evan. It was frigid at the end of the cul-de-sac, and they could see their breath. Connor was personally affected by the hand-knitted scarf Evan wrapped protectively around his neck, all the way up to his mouth. Shit, Evan’s cute little button nose was red from the cold and _Christ_ he was so gay. Evan, meanwhile had a new occupation since his discovery on Halloween: staring at Connor’s mouth. Evan had afterwards confirmed that no, Connor’s lips did not only look soft when he was breaking down. Ogling aside, they walked into the warm comfort of Evan’s house.  
They were welcomed by the smell of a turkey roasting in the oven, the wonderful smell sticking to the back of their throats. Heidi was in the kitchen, humming thoughtfully as she took the stuffing out of the crockpot. She kissed both Evan and Connor on the forehead as they came in the kitchen to drop off their backpacks.  
“Okay, boys,” she said, smiling, “go on and hang out until the turkey and potatoes are done, but don't watch the parade without me! And son,” she said, a little quieter, “I want you to have these. Uh huh, I know. Embarrassing. Just be safe, baby.” She placed a small bottle of lube and several condoms into a mortified Evan’s hand.  
“Um, Mom?! I'm not having sex! With anyone!” Evan said, pushing the items back to her. Heidi stood stock still for a moment.  
“You mean- you're not--” she looked at the two of them, before cutting herself off quickly. “I'm so sorry, honey. Your ole mom jumped to conclusions again. Even so, I want you to keep these. For when you're ready.” She kissed the top of his head once more, giving him back the unwanted equipment, and pushing the two boys upstairs.  
“Your mom is so cool,” Connor said suddenly. Evan shook his head in disbelief.  
“Cool? That was the opposite of cool.”  
“Yeah, but like, she doesn't expect you to never have sex or anything like that, she just wants you safe. That's pretty cool.”  
“I guess so. Did your mom ever, mom ever ta-talk about stuff like that?” Connor laughed.  
“Hell no. When she found out I was having sex, she totally flipped, threw out all my condoms and stuff. She's crazy like that.”  
“I-I-I didn't know you um… had that.” Evan was bright red. Connor laughed again at him.  
“Do I look like a virgin to you, acorn?” He booped Evan’s nose. “C’mon, dinner’s about ready.”  
Dinner was great, if a little awkward. They eventually decided to watch the Macy’s parade while they ate, taking their plates into the living room. Heidi didn't bake, so she got one of those store bought pumpkin pies that was almost as good as the real deal. And even though Heidi kept shooting the pair confused glances, and Evan had stuffing crumbs on his cheeks, and Connor kept thinking about kissing him, it was perfect.  
That evening, Connor drove Evan over to the forest where they had begun to hang out.  
They sat in the lowest limb of a tree together, watching the new fallen snow with short breath.  
“You know what I'm thankful for, Con?”  
“Mmm?”  
“I'm thankful for you.”  
“I'm thankful for you too, Ev."


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan wants to see Connor, but is restricted by the weather and common sense. He visits Connor anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sorry, a little short. I know you kids might be wondering when our boys get together, and the answer is soon! Have patience, dears! Love you all.

It had been snowing for a solid week now, and Evan couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't be cooped up in his house for even one more minute. For the past week, school had been cancelled, and no school meant no Connor. He quickly texted Connor that he was coming over and trekked outside in his thin jacket and boots that were definitely not for walking in the snow.

Evan wasn't stupid, he knew Connor couldn't drive him in this weather, so he'd just have to suck it up and walk the three miles if he wanted to see Connor. He kinda wished he'd brought a coat, but whatever. 

Evan definitely wished he'd brought a coat by the time he reached Connor's huge house. He rang the doorbell quickly, shivering, as a horrified Connor opened the door.

"Ev, you're drenched! It's freezing! What were you thinking?" Connor grabbed his boyf- er, his buddy, and pulled him inside. 

"Wanted to see you, Con," Evan mumbled. His fingers were purple. Everything looked purple to him, actually. And spotty.

In the five months that they had been friends, Connor had always been worried that his frail friend would faint at any moment, but in those five months, he hadn't really really passed out, to the point where it was a joke between the two of them. That December day was the exception, the snow and the three miles of walking and the near hypothermia getting to the fragile boy. His eyes rolled up into his head and almost hit the ground, but Connor caught him just in time and put him on the couch. Unsure of what to do, he sat awkwardly next to Evan, gently shaking him.

"Acorn! Hey, Ev, wake up," he said nervously. Evan came to slowly, to the sight of Connor with his head on his chest, trying to make sure he was still breathing.

"I-I-Im okay, C-Con-Connor," Evan said, teeth chattering. Connor jerked up, realizing that Evan was still in dripping clothes and probably freezing.

It should be noted that Connor was still in fight or flight mode, and couldn't be bothered with the fact that his best friend was probably not as near death as he imagined, but he picked Evan up quickly and hustled him upstairs to get him into something warm.

He set Evan on his unmade bed and ransacked his piles of clean clothing for something Evan could wear. He grabbed a huge sweater of his and a pair of Spider-Man pajama pants. 

"Put these on," he said, turning around quickly. Evan, teeth chattering still, quickly put on the comically large clothing. 

"You can um, can turn back now," said Evan, starting to get up shakily.

"What are you doing? You like, just passed out. You should not be walking."

"B-but I don't wan-wanna, wanna be a burden or-" Evan tried to say.

"Holy shit, Evan, you could never be a burden. Besides," Connor added, picking up his friend again, "I need to work on my arms anyway." 

Connor put him back on the couch putting pillows below his legs to get the blood going back to his head. He put Evan's head in his lap, draped a blanket over him, before coming to the awkward realization that this wasn't what friends did. Friends didn't carry their friends bridal style when they passed out and wrapped them up in blankets. 

"I- is this okay?" He asked softly, mentally smacking himself. 

"Um, yeah, actually." Evan said. Connor put on Mystic Pizza and vowed to never move again. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ice skating leads to more. Connor is drunk, Zoe makes an entrance, and more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!! So, here's a bit of longer chapter to make you crazy kids happy. Love y'all, peace out for now.  
> Trigger warning: excessive drinking

Chapter 11

“We’re going ice skating,” Evan announced. Connor raised an eyebrow  
.  
“That was bold, at least for you,”said Connor smiling. Evan nodded.

"My therapist has been showing me ways to be more assertive," he said, scratching the back of his neck, "Ask for things I want.”  
  
"And you want to go ice-skating, huh?” Connor asked.

“Well, y-yeah, the pond in the park, in the park is frozen over and I have extra skates.”  
  
“Okay. Where do you keep them? I'll get the coats.” Connor also selected a pair of gloves, a scarf and a hat for Evan, now wary of letting him get too cold. The shorter boy gave him a strange look, but put on the extra clothing, and ice skates under their arms, they were off to the pond. Connor had a confession to make.

“I've never done this before,” he admitted. Evan smiled and grabbed his hand, dragging him to the ice.

“It's easy! I'll show you.” He showed Connor how to make simple movements in the skates, one foot after the other. Connor was clinging onto his arm, making Evan giggle. “Okay, now try without me.” Connor stared at him like he was crazy, but slowly slipped his arm away and made a gliding motion with his foot, then another and another.

“Hey! I think I've got thi-” Connor fell flat on his ass and Evan was laughing so hard he almost did too.  
“Here.” Evan thrust a hand out for Connor to grab onto, and the lanky boy accepted. “Okay, just hold onto me and I'll spin you,” Evan said, pulling him up.

“Uh, no way.”

“Yes, way.” He took Connor’s hand and turned him around, slowly so he wouldn't fall. Connor laughed.

“Okay, spin me faster.” Evan complied, turning him and spinning him out, then in towards Evan so that their noses touched.

And God, maybe it was the fact that they were so close, or maybe it was because of the laughter and dancing, or just because it was nearly Christmas, but Evan leaned right in and kissed those soft lips.

And maybe it was the fact that he'd been imagining this for so long, or how dizzy he was from spinning like a top, or even those magic doe eyes, but Connor kissed right back.

And then the moment ended. Evan pulled back, sputtering.  
“I’m so sorry! Oh my god, I'm sorry, I don't even, I didn't mean it like that, oh shoot, ah I'm just so stupid…” he trailed off, mumbling about how awful he was.

“It's- um. It's fine, Ev. All good.” Connor thought he was going to cry. _I didn't mean it like that…_

“So you don't hate me?” Evan blinked at him, confused.

“Acorn- I mean, Evan, I couldn't hate you. You're, um, you're great.” He ran his hands through his long hair. “Let's just- let's just go home, okay?”

“Y-yeah, um, o-okay.”

  
Evan shut the door to his house, waving to Connor. Connor sighed and banged his head against the steering wheel. _I didn't mean it like that._ He drove around the city for a few hours, repeating the words in his head. Fuck, he needed a joint.

Getting high sort of worked, but not really. He needed something to make him forget that beautiful kiss, that kiss that was a mistake. He went for the liquor cabinet, picking the lock with a bobby pin and grabbing the strongest stuff he could find, which happened to be an almost full bottle of vodka. He grimaced at the taste, but hey, whatever works, right?

Half an hour later, Zoe found him in his closet, sitting on a laundry basket with half a bottle of vodka.

“Oh my God, Connor, what the hell?”

“Drink to forget, little sister. Drink to forget.” He punctuated the slurred phrase with a loud hiccup and a sob. She squatted next to him, awkwardly patting his shoulder.

“Wanna, er, talk about it?” She didn't consider telling her parents, as the ‘snitches get stitches’ rule was heavily enforced between the siblings, but she did move the booze away from him.

“Evan Hansen kissed me!” He shouted, before leaning into Zoe and crying some more.

“And that’s bad because?” Zoe knew Connor had the hots for the Hansen kid.

“It was a m-m-mist-take!” He sobbed loudly, wiping snot on his sister’s shoulder. She gritted her teeth and continued to soothe him.

“Why don't you talk to him tomorrow, Con?” Connor looked up at her, brown eyes puffy and red from crying. He squinted.

“You're… are a genius, Zozo… I jus need to, to talk to ‘im. Yeah…” he whispered. “Okayyy, Zoe, I gotta get to Evan’s house.” Zoe shook her head.

“Not happening. But,” she said, a mischievous smile spreading on her face, “I can send him a video of you saying everything you need to say.” Connor nodded emphatically, so Zoe grabbed his phone and began to shoot a video of Connor. “You're on,” she said.

“Evan, I jus needed to say thaaat I loooove you and you need to like, come over and mack on me some more, and also you have pretty eyes and um, really nice freckles, and um, oh! Y’know, it really made me sad when you, like, fuckin, said that you didn't mean to kiss me…” he shed a few more tears and Zoe figured it was time to turn the camera around.  
“Evan, he's wasted, been crying for half an hour. Come see him.” She ended the video and sent it to the ‘Acorn’ contact.

**Acorn: What the heck? I'm coming over, my mom’ll give me a ride. Tell him I'm on my way, okay?**

**Me: Will do.**

Fifteen minutes later, Evan dashed into Connor’s messy room, where the incredibly drunk boy and his incredibly sober sister sat.

“So you were the one to kiss him, huh? I owe Alana ten bucks.” Evan frowned at her, hugging Connor in favor of responding.

“Con, why did you do this?” Evan said, groaning at his booze breath.

“Because… I love yooouu,” Connor said, hiccuping.

“Love you too, big guy. You need to go to sleep.”

“Is this… a date?” Connor slurred, tilting towards Evan. He sighed.

“No, Connor, it isn't. You're drunk and need to sleep.” He turned to Zoe. “It looks like I'm staying a while. Do you guys still have those double stuff Oreos?” She nodded and went to grab them from the kitchen. Connor grabbed at Evan’s shirt.

“Alone at last,” he whisper-yelled. Evan sighed and pushed him away. “Will you kiss me?” He asked.

“Sure, when you don't smell like a liquor store.” Evan replied, sighing. He had just finished having a panic attack when Zoe texted him on Connor’s phone, and he was exhausted. Zoe showed up with the Oreos, as well as an enormous glass of water for Connor. She thrust it in his general direction.  
“Drink, dumbass,” she said, looking as exasperated as Evan felt. Evan turned to her.

“D-does this happen, this happen of-often?” He asked nervously. She shook her head.

“This has happened maybe like twice. Connor prefers weed to booze unless shit has really gone down,” she said, glaring at him.

“I feel awful about- about it,” he said, shaking his head. Connor was laying his head in Evan’s lap, mumbling about being tired, so Zoe felt it was safe to ask the next question.

“Do you really not like him like that?”

“I uh- I guess I do sort of like him, but I'm so- ugh, I never thought he thought of me as anything but a friend.”

Those words were the last ones Connor heard as he fell asleep.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moments after Connor falls asleep.  
> Bonus morning after scene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! Not much to put here, except I love y'all and I'm excited to get you guys a Christmas chapter as soon as that can happen.

Chapter 12

 

Evan knew he had to stay the night. Connor was asleep, drooling on his lap, and Zoe had left, telling Evan he could have anything in the cabinets. He gently shook Connor.

“Con, you have to brush your teeth and put on pajamas. Connor, wake up, dude.” But Connor was out like a light. Evan sighed and tried to find some pajamas for him. He eventually found the hoodie and Spider-Man pants that Connor had him wear when he passed out.   
Trying and failing one last time to wake his best friend up, he gave in and shimmied the skinny jeans off of Connor, replacing them with the soft pants. He repeated the process with Connor’s shirt and jacket, before remembering that Connor’s breath still smelled like teenage irresponsibility. Oh well. Evan moved Connor into a more comfortable position on the bed, noting that even passed out, he looked like a total angel when he slept. Evan smiled softly and grabbed some other pjs to wear.  
  
An hour later, Evan had eaten Oreos and scrolled through tumblr to his heart’s content and was about to go to sleep for real when Connor stirred.  
“...Acorn?”

“Yeah, Connor, it's me. You need to sleep.” Evan tousled Connor's hair.

“Why are you in my house?”

“Because you're drunk and Zoe told me to come over,” he replied.

“I… am?” Connor scratched his head.

“Yeah.” Connor rolled over to face Evan, a look of realization dawning on his face.

“You… you kissed me, acorn. You really fuckin did, right?” He looked around shakily, like he wasn't sure what was real.

“Yeah, I did. And I meant it. You- you know that I meant it, ri- right?” Evan stared at him, trying to erase whatever heartbreak he had caused the boy.  
  
“Um… yeah, I guess so. I, uh- I meant it too.” Connor smiled, and when Connor smiled, the world smiled with him.

“Go back to bed, Sleeping Beauty.” Evan grinned at him. Even in his addled state, Connor felt his heart flutter.

“Yeah, okay,” he replied, sitting up to pull the cord for the light. He lay back down, and suddenly a wave of fear filled him.

“You- you're gonna stay with me, right? You are, right?” he blurted, eyes wet. Evan looked at him in alarm.

“Yeah, of course I am. Hey, don-don't worry, okay? Just g- go, go to sleep. I'm here.” He repeated phrases Connor often used to calm him down when he was panicky.

“Um, yeah, thanks.” Connor was still wound up, but the immediate fear was receding. Evan wound an arm around Connor, letting him use his arm for a pillow, like his mom used to do when he couldn't sleep. Connor relaxed into his touch, breathing slowing to a regular pace. Evan tried to stay awake, to preserve the scene, but his eyelids were so heavy and the room was so quiet…

Connor woke up first, with a raging hangover, but he couldn't be bothered with that at that moment because he and Evan were cuddling. In his sleep, Evan had wrapped his legs around Connor's waist like a Koala bear, and Connor's arms hung loosely around Evan’s torso. He didn't want to move at all, wanted this to keep forever, but then Evan blinked.

“Mornin’... ohmygoshimsorryimsorryi-” Connor cut him off.  
“This… is nice. Let's keep it nice.” He held Evan tighter. Without any regard for what had happened, Evan agreed, buried his face in Connor's neck.

After they had both gotten ready that morning, Connor made them pancakes, the one thing he knew how to make.

“There are a couple of things I remember about last night,” he said, flipping a pancake.

“Like?”

“Like how you promised to kiss me when I didn't smell like a liquor store.” He disclosed.  
Evan dropped his plate.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It finally happens, and now everyone knows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyy, short chapter but things are heating up! No smut, promise, just kissing. Also, a dash of jealous Jared and galaxy girls for good measure. PS: Zoe is a Good Sister™ (Also: over 800 hits?!! Like what?! :D)

Chapter 13

“Um.” Evan barely even registered the broken glass on the floor, just stood stock still. Connor scrunched up his nose and laughed. Heck, did Connor have a scrunch nose laugh? How was Evan just noticing this?

“Evan,” Connor waved his hand. “You don't have to if you don't want to. I don't want to make you uncomfortable-”

“Nononono I actuallyumreallywanttokissyou, um yeah.”

“Really? I like the confidence, Acorn.” Connor smirked, leaving Evan just a little breathless.  
Evan was a little worried because that was about all the confidence he had left, but Connor didn't seem to notice. As if in slow motion, they both stepped around the broken glass, hearts pounding. Evan was imagining everything that could go wrong, and Connor knew he was, so he just had to convince Evan of everything that was going right. He cupped Evan’s cheeks, no turning back now, doitconnoryoumiserablefuckjustkisshimkisshim  
and he did. It wasn't long, it wasn't passionate. He just… kissed him. Evan was looking up, eyes wide and adoring. And then Evan pulled his head down for a real kiss.

Connor slipped his tongue into the kiss, tracing Evan's form with his fingers, gliding down to his waist. Slowly, he pressed Evan into the edge of the counter. Evan’ hands were everywhere: his hair, his chest, even his ass for a second. It felt like fireworks. It felt like jumping off the high dive. It felt like Christmas morning. It felt like heaven.

They broke the kiss to go to Connor's room, where Connor carefully laid Evan on the bed. He looked perfect like this, all rosy and flushed from the kissing, eyes dilated, lips swollen from being excessively put to use.

“That… was my first real kiss, Con-Connor. Besides, the- the um, one on the p-pond.” Evan’s breathing was heavy, he looked absolutely star struck. Connor chuckled and leaned over him to start again.

“Connor, what the flying fuck? You really did?” Zoe screamed into her phone. She was on a bus, but couldn't care less. “You kissed Evan Hansen. Oh my goddd, Con. That's crazy… No, I know you're lying to me… fine, I'll add him to the call…” She quickly added Evan. “Well?... Don't sound so flustered, Ev, everyone kisses… awhh… what a cute catch, Con, honestly… well, if I wasn't gay and taken I would… okay this is my stop but I love you crazy kids… okay, buh-bye.” Zoe called her girlfriend, Alana.

“So, you're not gonna believe what Connor did…”

By the end of the day, even though it was December and no one was in school, everyone had heard that the emo stoner freak had kissed the socially awkward, innocent honor roll boy. Everyone including Jared, who frankly shouldn't have given a fuck, as it just confirmed his suspicions and taunts, but something was fucked up about this. He texted Zoe, who he barely knew and who hated him, but whatever. Most people did these days.  
**Me: wow what the fuck?**

**Zoe Murphy: ummm pls get out of my face**

**Me: so your brother’s dating Hansen, huh?**

**Zoe Murphy: is that a problem d-bag**

**Me: I dunno. maybe not. but your bro strikes me as a weird match for Hansen.**

**Zoe Murphy: sooo ur jealous of Connor**

**Me: what? no?**

**Zoe Murphy: uh huh**

**Me: whatever. I'm not. but mark my words, your brother is gonna fuck up that kid**

**Zoe Murphy: i think u lost the right to comment on their situation after u fukin beat Connor up**

**Me: i guess. no one cares that i was drunk and it was a dare, but whatever.**

**Zoe Murphy: get fucked**

Evan couldn't sleep. He tossed and turned, trying to think about anything but Connor kissing him, but nothing was working. He gave up and called Connor.

Ring. Ring. Ri-

“Hey.”

“Hey, so um, I uh, can't really, really uh. Can't sleep.”

“Can I come over?” Evan could almost see him smiling through the phone.

“I’d like that.”

Ten minutes later, Evan heard a tapping at his window. Evan opened it and Connor climbed in, stepping off of his desk to give Evan a peck on the cheek. He lay down in Evan’s bed, patting the spot next to him. Evan laid down too, burying his face in Connor's chest, as Connor stroked his hair. Evan knew Connor would stay until he fell asleep, and there was something comforting about that.

Connor was giving these tiny little kisses to the top of Evan's head and rubbing his back in a way that made his body grow heavy and his eyelids turn to lead. I could do this for forever, they both thought.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Christmas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!! Wow wow I am so sorry I didn't update yesterday, I was really worn out and didn't have the energy to write. Here's the promised Christmas chapter!! Love you kids!

Chapter 14

Connor thought he had an obsession with kissing Evan Hansen, just because he could now. Little kisses to Evan’s button nose, pecks on the cheek, soft kisses to his forehead, and of course the indescribable event of kissing his beautiful boy on the lips. Okay, wow, that was gayer than intended, but the point still stood. He couldn't get enough of it. Luckily for him, Evan adored being kissed by Connor Murphy, felt his heart flutter even still every time their lips met.

It was nearly Christmas now, and Evan had no idea what to get Connor for Christmas. He had hoodies, plenty of music, video games, and he didn't really do “hobbies.” He couldn't find a book Connor would be interested in, didn't think he would appreciate humorous boxers For Him™. But then he saw it, and it was perfect.

Connor usually bought cheap gifts for his family on Christmas, and normally he didn't have any friends. But even something expensive wouldn't do for someone as perfect as Evan, right? It had to come from the heart. So he made it, and it was perfect.

Eventually Christmas Eve did roll around, and Connor, Evan and Zoe went to Evan’s house for the exchange.

“Y-you wanna decorate the, the tree?” Evan asked hopefully. Zoe looked like she was about to decline, but Connor gave her a Look and she shrugged and got the box of tinsel.

By the time they were finished, the tree had three sets of lights, tinsel, copious amounts of shimmering glass baubles, as well as homemade ornaments that Evan had made in grade school. Connor and Zoe picked up Evan together so he could put the star on the tree. Once he had placed the gold topper, Zoe plugged in all the lights, washing the cozy living room in colorful light.

Zoe got Evan a mega sized box of Oreos, and Connor a nail polish set. After she received her galaxy leggings and personalized silver guitar pick, she left the lovebirds to give each other their gifts. Connor went first. He unrolled a piece of paper, scooting closer to Evan on the couch.

“See, um, it's uh, it's sort of like a picture- more like a map, kinda, of where I’m gonna take you next year.” He stumbled through his words, pointing to the hand drawn locations around the city, like Sunset lake and the theatre. Evan smiled.

“It's perfect,” he said, trailing his hands along the map. Connor quickly set it on the table.

“Your turn,” he grinned. Evan pulled a small box from under the brightly decorated tree. Inside was two necklaces, one a heart shaped lock, the other a key. Connor quickly put on the key, and smashed their lips together. He ravished Evan's lips, lowering him onto the couch. Just then they heard a cough from the door. Heidi stepped out, looking a little embarrassed, a little proud, and a little peevish that someone was kissing her baby boy.

“Hi, boys.” She said, extending her arms.

“Hi, mom.” “Hi, Mrs. Hansen.” The two of them received kisses from Mama Hansen.

“Alright, Connor, I hate to interrupt, but your mother called me to ask to bring you home, and I would like some Evan time this evening.” She tousled Connor's hair and gently pushed him towards the door. With a frantic wave to Evan and the bang of the closing door, he was gone.

“Mooooom,” Evan whined, “why'd you kick Connor out like that?” Heidi shook her head, laughing.

“It's Christmas Eve, sweetie, it's time to open your present and have dinner!” Heidi always let Evan open one present on Christmas Eve, just before she laid out the fantastic Christmas Eve spread. Evan smiled and reached down for a lumpy package he was sure was a hand knitted sweater.

 

  
Connor had taken to sneaking into Evan’s room at night to check in, help him fall asleep if he needed. On Christmas Eve, Evan didn't notice him at first, and continued poring over the map Connor had given him. Not wanting to scare his lover, he tapped at the window. Evan hurried over to let him in. “My mom’s gonna find out about this someday,” he laughed, helping Connor down from his desk. Connor just hugged him close. Evan hugged back, but whispered, “Is everything okay?” Connor nodded, then shook his head.

“I'm just… I dunno, I had an amazing day but everything is telling me that I'm making this up, that you hate me, that I’m nothing. Yknow?” And Evan nodded, because that was a feeling he knew better than any other.

“Lie down with me,” he said quietly, leading him by the hand towards the bed. Connor helplessly complied, feeling too many things to rely on anything but Evan's small hand in his.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Panic attacks aren't always for a reason.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh lord kids I'm sorry it's just angst  
> (Edit): Never mind there's fluff   
> Also I'm v sorry this is so unoriginal but it's a scene I always wanted to write, so comment your criticisms down below, dears! PS: 1000 hits!!!! I'm so shook thank you kids I love you all!

Chapter 15

Evan was melting down. He had had panic attacks before, sure, but today it felt more like drowning than usual. He felt nauseous, so nauseous. His chest was tight as hell and everything was just so, so loud. He started crying in earnest, unable to organize his mind, unable to place the cold, sinking dread.

The frustrating part of this was that there was no good reason he had been freaking out so much lately, it was all out of the blue, and he hadn't had the place of mind to call Connor. But today, he still had enough willpower to hit the call button before sinking into his continued spiral of fear and panic. Connor picked up a couple of rings later.

“Hey love, I just-- Evan, you're breathing really weird- are you having a panic attack?”

“hhh… I-I’m-” Evan struggled to breathe, dread permeating the air like a poisonous gas.

“Sweetie, I'm in the car, it's okay, I'm coming to get you. You're gonna be just fine, okay?” Evan just hyperventilated into the phone, listening to Connor utter a litany of steady and gentle phrases.

“Just breathe, baby, I’m almost at your house. Breathe in for four, hold for seven, out for eight, okay? You're gonna be okay. Here, I'm up at your driveway,” he said firmly. Evan sobbed into his phone.

“I nee-need to ge-get out of… out of here, I-I need…” he couldn't finish his sentence. And there Connor was, in the dim hallway, hair in a loose bun, looking blurry from where Evan stood.

“I know you need to go, sweetheart. Can I- can I touch you?” Not trusting himself to speak, Evan just nodded, chest feeling smaller than ever. Connor tentatively wrapped an arm around Evan, leading him to the car. Connor just kept talking to him, giving Evan something to focus on other than the panic.

“We can go to the forest, if that works for you. It's a little icy, but hey, anything for trees, right?” Connor had read on some website that to put a panicked friend at ease, once they didn't need immediate medical attention, it was important to engage in a conversation that was captivating for the panicking person.

“You know, I think someday I’ll take you to the sequoia national park someday, the amount you talk about those redwoods, y’know?” Evan nodded slightly, breathing a fraction more normal.

They were in the car now, and in the beaten up Volvo that smelled like weed and Wendy’s, Evan felt like his brain was defogging a little. He could focus on what Connor was saying, even though he was nauseous, sweaty, and felt like he had just run a marathon in a corset. Connor was amiably chatting about Evan’s favorite plants, although shooting Evan concerned glances when he thought he wasn't looking.

((Babes so I have a migraine and so this is gonna have a part two tomorrow in addition to tomorrow's chapter. So sorry, love you kids))

Part two

Evan was in Connor's lap, crying softly. He had a knack for getting emotional post panic, but luckily for him, no matter how bad Connor was at dealing with his own emotions, he was great at comforting Evan. They were in the forest, sitting under a tree. Their breath was visible in the dim January evening. Evan was curled into Connor, wetting his shirt with his tears. Connor had given Evan his hoodie a few minutes before, leaving him in just a thermal shirt against the bitter early January air, but with Evan's warmth against him, he really didn't care, opting for holding Evan tightly instead of thinking about how cold he was.

“I know, baby. I know, I'm so sorry. It's okay, I'm here now. It's gonna be okay.” Connor was shocking himself with this kind of stuff. He would never have dreamed of being able to say things like this before that past August. But everything was different with Evan, who was just… perfect. His beautiful eyes, his freckles, his laugh and shy demeanor. He deserved so much more than Connor, but then, Connor was too selfish to let his acorn go. Ever.

And if something ever did happen and the two of them broke up, who would be there for this perpetually anxious boy? How many times had this happened, where Evan had freaked out and Connor was the only one there. The thought of Evan being alone made a knot form in his gut. He pushed the thought away and came back to the present, the Evan filled present.

“W-what are you so-sorry for? It i- isn't your fault. I'm just a fu-fuckup who- who panics for no real, no real reason.” Shocked, Connor picked up Evan’s head off his chest, making him look at Connor.

“Oh sweetheart, no. You're so wonderful, I am in love with every- thing- about- you.” He peppered his face with kisses in between his words. “I get to see you every day, and the only thing I think I would change about you is how little you love yourself. And maybe your last name.”

Sniffling, Evan laughed. “What's wrong with my- my last name?” He wiped his tears off his face.

Connor smiled. “Just don't like it.” Evan quirked an eyebrow.

“What would you prefer my last name be?” He scrunched up his nose.

“Murphy.” Evan's eyes went as wide as dinner plates. Connor snickered.

“Evan, I was kidding. We’re not gonna get married. Yet, anyway.” He gently pushed Evan off his lap so he could stand up. “C’mon, Ev. Let's get to the pine tree you like before dark.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor is Jealous™

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey babes! So I added the part two to Chapter 15 a bit ago, so read that if you haven't already :)  
> Hope you kids enjoy this self indulgent jealousy chapter ;0  
> (PS: update y'all turns out I'm an uneducated swine and the calling Evan acorn thing was a Jared deal but w/e it's still a cute ass nickname)

"Hey asshole, why don't you back off my man." The pimple faced new kid didn't seem to hear. He hadn't left Evan alone all day, and Connor thought he was going to tear his throat out. Evan was uneducated in how to ward off creepy fucks like this guy, mostly because Connor had scared them all off already. Well, almost all.

"I'll repeat myself, fuckwad. Leave Evan alone." The kid, Chad, turned around slowly from his utterly creepy spot next to Evan's locker, AKA Connor's spot.

"Is that his name? It's a gorgeous name, baby, did you pick it out yourself?" Chad turned back to Evan, who tentatively pushed him away, clearly unsure of what to do.

"Can y-you leave-leave me alone, please? I'm ta-taken. Sor-sorry." He frowned and tried to walk away.

"No, Evan, don't apologize to this douchebag! He should be apologizing to you!" Here Connor grabbed Chad by the collar and slammed him into a locker. He let the kid slide down to the floor, obviously dazed. "If you so much as even think about bothering my man ever again you will regret it. Are we clear?" Without waiting for an answer, he grabbed the books out of Evan's arms and swiftly walked him to his AP European History class down the hall, flipping off several passerby in the process. But something looked... off, once they reached the classroom. Was it... Evan looked scared. Of him. 

"I-I'm sorry, Connor. I feel like I've done some-something wrong, I just... you acted really weird back there. Like- like, so not like yourself." Evan's face was all scrunched up in confusion and pain. 

"Oh fuck, Evan, I'm so, so sorry. None of this is your fault, Acorn. I just- got really out of hand there, and I didn't mean to scare you. Ah god, I'm such a fuckup. I- really care about you, and that just- set me off." Evan smiled at him.

"Well not to be ungrateful, but I am not worth getting that worked up over, baby. Also- listen." In the tinny speakers, there was a warped _'Connor Murphy to the principal's office, Connor Murphy, please come to the principal's office,'_ making Connor sigh. 

"Guess that's my cue," he said, pecking Evan on the cheek before skipping off to the office. _He called me baby._

 _"_ Detention again, Connor?" His mom sounded tired, even on the phone.

"Oh well, Ma, guess I'll have to schedule all of my pressing social interactions for another goddamn day." Connor snarked. He didn't actually have a reason to be mad at his mother for getting upset about this, but something about the way she was patronizing him was actually getting to him in a big bad way.

"Don't take that tone with me, Connor, this was way out of line. You pushed another child into a locker."

"Yeah? Well it was for a good cause."

"Really, Connor? There isn't any reason that's good enough to do that. Frankly, young man, I'm rather disappointed in you for-"

"He was pushing around my _boyfriend_!" Connor bellowed.

There was silence on the phone. What on Gods green earth had he just said?

"We'll... we'll discuss this later, with your father, Connor." Connor laughed bitterly.

"Just another fucking day with the Murphy sewer rats." His mother hung up on him. 

Just then, Evan called. Connor picked up immediately, voice filled with adoration.

"Hey, sweet pea! What's going on?... well, I've got detention... yeah, I know... only because I never ever want anyone to pick on you... yeah, or flirt with you... no... well, I'll be at your place tonight... I know! You'll never be rid of me, baby... awhh... okay, bye, Acorn." Connor sighed, hanging up. Suddenly it hit him with full force. One minute, _another fucking day with the Murphy sewer rats,_ and the next, _hey sweet pea, what's going on?_ What kind of weird ass double life was he living? 

Evan was a little weirded out, a little afraid, and a little turned on. What had gotten into Connor today? Shoving a kid just because he dared to flirt with Evan? What was that about? That colorful vocabulary he never spoke to Evan with? Evan was so used to Connor's normal, incredibly sweet and warm persona that him showing a mean streak totally threw him off balance.

Then again, even Evan Hansen, resident angel, couldn't deny that it was a little hot how protective had gotten. He was definitely looking forward to Connor's visit tonight.

When Connor climbed the tree to reach Evan's window that night, it was already open. A little confused, he made his way inside, where Evan was waiting for him... just in one of Connor's hoodies and his boxers? What the fuck was this? Oh god, please let this not be a dream.

"I- I'm really sorry you got detention because of me. Alsoireallywannakissyourightnowsoimjustg-" He pressed their mouths together with the kind of confidence he lacked in speaking. Connor, too surprised to close his eyes, kissed his admittedly scantily clad boyfriend with passion, and also a fair amount of pure confusion. God. Did he need to get detention more often?


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared reappears. Alternatively: The Evan War: part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow wow guys! I just wanted to thank you all for all the love and good reception I've been getting from y'all. You kids make me really happy and I wanna write for you till the end of time. I smooch you all through your screens Xoxo

Chapter 17

"Look, no. Start the p-problem from the beginning, with the, with the method they taught you in class- C-Connor! Not the uh, the time for, uh, she-shenanigans, ugh." Evan was trying to tutor Connor, and Connor was trying to make Evan's neck look like a masterpiece of hickies and bite marks. 

"We've been studying for like, ever, Acorn. We deserve a break." Connor tried to latch his lips onto Evan's neck once more, but Evan pushed him away. 

"We've been studying for twenty minutes, uh tops. Here, f-for every problem you solve correctly, I- I'll let you, um- er- you know." Evan blushed.

"And they say learning can't be fun. Sounds like a plan. So, twenty three, on number six, right?" Evan nodded, baring his neck. Just as Connor was starting to suck a purple bruise into the skin just below Evan's jaw, Jared Fucking Kleinman stalked into the empty classroom. 

"Um, thi-this is a private tutorial session, Jared," Evan remarked with as much sting as someone post make out session could muster.

"So I gather, but Mrs. Watson put me in here for Calc tutoring. I just- Christ, Hansen, can you get that fucking slobber off your throat? It's really starting to gross me out." Evan scowled, but did wipe the spit off of his neck. 

"Okay, so, since I'm here, I might as well fuckin' apologize for, uh, beating Con here up last year. I- being drunk was a piss poor excuse, I know. Can you stop ignoring me, Hansen, please?" Jared was sounding just about as remorseful as Evan had ever seen him.

"It's not m-my call to make, it's- it's Connor's, since he- was the one y-you beat up." Evan turned to Connor, who gave a slight shrug.

"I'm not joining the Jared Kleinman fan club or any of that, but I really don't give a shit. Happens to me  _all the time, bro."_ There was a bite to his words, forgiving him while still reminding him what an asshole he'd been. 

"Yeah, yeah, okay. Sorry. Now can we get this show on the road? I need help." Evan sighed and scooted towards him.

 

"You like him, don't you?"

Connor spat out the words in the parking lot. Evan's mom had had the time to pick him up that day, so inexplicably, Connor and Jared were in the parking lot, both able to leave, but sensing there was unfinished business.

"I don't know what you're-" Connor cut him off.

"Don't lie. You know you love him, but guess what, buddy? He's mine, and that's the end of it." Jared scowled.

"Yeah, well wait and see how long he sticks with the depressed freak. Sooner or later, Evan's gonna open his eyes and realize there's someone out there a whole lot better than-"

"Finish that. I dare you." Connor looked dangerous in the afternoon light.

"Maybe he does like you. But if he cares all that much about you, surely my efforts won't make a difference. If he loves you, it shouldn't matter how much I flirt with him, right, Murphy? So how about it? Just a little friendly competition," Jared hissed, offering a smile. Connor cocked his head. 

"Alright, then. May the best man win. And trust me, I will." They shook on it.

 

"Let me get that for you, kiddo." Jared picked up Evan's physics textbook from his locker.

"O-oh, it's okay, Connor usually picks u-"

"Oh, Connor this, Connor that. Look, Hansen, I can carry your books just as well as Hot topic can." He smiled, hoping he wasn't coming off too weird. Just then, Connor approached, immediately wrapping his arm around his boy.

"Hey, love bug. What do you think about going for Chinese for lunch next hour?" Connor grinned at Evan's obvious excitement.

"Th-that sounds great! I'm always in the mood for Chinese." Connor nodded, shooting a smug glance at Jared when Evan wasn't looking. 

"I know, right? Here, baby, you look cold. Want my hoodie?" Connor asked. Evan gave one of his trademark soft smiles and gratefully accepted the jacket. Jared coughed.

"You know, Ev, I can just get you a new jacket if Connor's too cheap to get you one of your own." Evan shook his head at him, confused.

"Um, n-no thanks. I uh-" Evan smiled sheepishly, "I wear Connor's jackets because they smell like him. Kinda silly, I know." Jared clenched his teeth.

"Uh huh. Well, Evan, I've uh, gotta get to class, so here's your textbook. See ya around." Without waiting for an answer, he shoved Evan's book at him and made his way to the stairs. Evan frowned at Connor.

"What's gotten into him?" He asked. Connor shrugged.

"Not sure, bud, maybe he's just going through some changes, getting horomonal and all that." 

"Well, he has been acting pretty strange... I hope he works out whatever's going on, I guess." Evan sighed and leaned into his boyfriend.

Connor smiled to himself.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Evan Wars: Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooo fluff and then angst,,, I'm sorry this is bad

"You have got to be fucking kidding me." Connor gritted his teeth.

"Language, C-Con! I think it's nice, actually." Said Evan. Both Connor and Jared had brought Evan flowers that morning, leaving Evan flustered, and Connor and Jared more riled up than ever. However, Connor was unable to stay mad when Evan seemed so pleased that his two "friends" had gotten him flowers. 

"Well... okay. But I'm taking you to Á la mode today." Evan shrugged, and there was an awkward pause, before Evan eventually just said what he had on his mind.

"I-I- why are you g-guys being so nice to m-me? It's not my birthday, Val-valentines day is next month... n-not that I mind you guys babying me, I, I- I j-just dunno why me." Connor and Jared exchanged a look.

"Uh. We just feel you've been going under appreciated lately, doll, y'know? You-you're so special, really. So we just decided to um," Connor was drawing a blank, but Jared jumped in.

"We made a uh, schedule of things to do for you, but, heh, Connor here forgot I was gonna bring you flowers today," Jared quickly filled in. Evan beamed.

"Th-tha-that's so nice, g-guys! I uh, couldn't ask y-you to keep doing it, it anymore, I don't want you to- to keep wasting your money, but that's re-real-really sweet."

Evan shyly kissed Connor on the cheek and hugged Jared, before skipping off to AP European History. 

**Acorn: Hey do you wanna come over this afternoon? I have a surprise for you.**

**Me: Yeah, of course! What's the surprise?**

**Acorn: That's why they call it a surprise, dreamboat. :)**

**Acorn: I'm sorry that probably came out really weird and sarcastic I'm sorry.**

**Me: nothing to apologize for, sweet boy**

**Acorn: Wow you're my favorite person.**  

Connor was in actual shock from how cute his boyfriend was. Cause of death: Evan Hansen apologizing for calling him dreamboat. He tried to push the thoughts aside and instead get ready to head to Evan's house.

When Connor arrived at Evan's house, Evan was already outside, extending a hand to lead Connor inside like a gentleman. Evan took him into the living room, which was equipped with a towel and a big box of nail polish, several blankets on the cozy couch, as well as a big bowl of Connor's favorite candy, Peanut M&Ms. Connor shook his head in disbelief. 

"What is all this?" He asked, grinning from ear to ear. Evan blushed.

"It's- sort of a station of all the stuff you like. You like getting your nails done, you like cuddling with blankets, you like peanut M&Ms... oh! And you like the old cheesy Disney Channel movies, so I got Sharkboy and Lavagirl." He smiled proudly. Connor was practically at a loss for words.

"I-what brought this on?" He asked, cupping Evan's cheeks. Evan giggled, and Connor filed that noise away as his all time favorite sound ever.

"I- I- just felt so bad you and Jared had used up so much energy on me, a-and I haven't done anything special, special for you in a while... I kinda fail at this whole boyfriend thi-thing, I know." His face fell more and more as he spoke. Connor pulled Evan in by the waist.

"You are all I could ask for and more in a boyfriend, angel. I- I, uh. Let's watch sharkboy and lavagirl." Evan lit up.

"R-really?"

"Yes, really. Now c'mere. Someone needs to braid this hair..." Evan kissed Connor quickly before nodding enthusiastically. 

 

Life was actually going well for Evan Hansen. He had a wonderful, loving, devastatingly handsome boyfriend, a family friend back in his life, a mom who was home more often, and Connor Murphy again on the list because why not.

Of course it had to go to shit. 

It hadnt even started as something to be worried about. It was those sweet gifts Connor and Jared had been giving him. It was what they meant that was the problem.

God, how could Evan have been so stupid and oblivious? 

He heard it at the water fountain. Connor and Jared were just around the corner, speaking in low tones.

"I'm telling you to lay off. Evan is my boyfriend. Mine. You're never going to have him." There were knives in Connor's words.

"And I'm telling you that we shook on it. May the best man win, right, Con? If I win over Evan, it's fair and square. So just go along with it." Evan stepped around the corner.

"A-and I'm telling the both of you to le-leave me, me alone!" Evan shouted and took off running down the hallway.

May the best man win? Was Evan just a prize to them?


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Evan wars: the conclusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!!! Here's the ending to the little Evan War thing :) Love y'all, have a good night!

Evan took off out of the building, not caring where he was going. He was crying as he tripped his way across the street, dashing for home, but home was across town, and he was in distress, which complicated things. Whatever, Evan decided. He could walk home. He basically knew the way. 

Meanwhile, Connor was torn between running after Evan and punching Kleinman in his repulsive face. Jared seemed to be in the same predicament. Connor gritted his teeth.

"I fucking hate you, but we'll get Evan faster if we work together, yeah?" Jared nodded. They ran out the door, shouting for Evan. 

Evan Hansen was confused. He had just been on Bentley lane, right? Then why was he... he must have taken a wrong turn. It was just a question of how to get back to Jefferson... but he had just turned left... gosh, he was lost. To make matters worse, he was still crying, still overwhelmed with the fact that the two boys closest to him had been thinking about him as just some sort of competition. 

On any other day, he would have called Connor so he could get picked up. On any other day, he would already be home, just out of Connor's cruddy Volvo. On any other day, the very person he was running from would be who he was running to.

"Evan? EVAN!" Connor and Jared ran through the neighborhood, trying to find their tree boy. Connor was almost in tears. It had been an hour since they started looking for him, and there were no signs of him so far.

"Evan, baby, please..." Connor's voice was giving out.

"EVAN! HANSEN, PLEASE GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE... please..." Jared's breathing was ragged from all the running, but they kept going.

It was getting dark, and Evan was terrified. He was exhausted, too, from dashing through the city all afternoon. His legs were about to give out, but he just had to figure out a way to get home... his phone was dead, and he didn't have any money. What was he going to do? 

He was crying harder than ever, more out of fear than anything. He was so freaked out and distracted that he didn't see the curb until it was too late. His foot twisted at a sickening angle as he tripped on his face, making him yelp loudly in pain. Evan didn't care about the blood on his face, but that ankle? He was pretty sure it was sprained. Oh god oh god what was going to happen to him?

There was a tiny wooded area the city hadn't gotten around to clearing out yet, just next to a dingy little convenience store parking lot. Trees, his old friends... He was just going to rest for a minute. It wouldn't be anything long. He limped over, wiping the blood off his face with his sleeve. Just rest a minute, Evan. Just rest...

Heidi would be waking up soon. Connor and Jared needed to find Evan now. They were about to give up and call Heidi and the police when Jared saw a bit of blue from underneath a sickly looking pine tree by a parking lot. He motioned Connor over, nervously. Connor saw that unmistakable polo and he knew. He made a grab for Evan, finally letting out the sob that had been building in him all evening. 

And there he was. Evan Hansen... with cuts on his face? And blood on his arms? He quickly shook Evan awake. 

"Oh god oh god oh my god. Evan, baby? You there?" Jared knelt down as well.

"Fuck fuck fuck oh fuck, Hansen, how did you manage this, oh god are you okay?"

Evan opened his eyes, which were bloodshot from crying. "C-Con?" Connor put Evan into his arms. 

"Yes, baby, I'm here. I'm so so sorry, you know that, right? Jared is too." Jared nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

"Con... Jar... my- my foot," Evan's lip trembled. "I tripped." Connor's eyes went wide. 

"Oh, sweetheart. Is it sprained?" Evan nodded. Jared took out his phone to dial 911, but Connor shook his head. 

"They can't afford an ambulance," he said quietly. "Evan, you can't walk, can you?" He said, wiping tears off of Evan's cheeks. Evan shook his head.

"Hurts," he whimpered. Connor nodded, gathering him up in his arms.

"I know it hurts. I'm gonna take you home to your mama, okay baby? Then she'll take you to the hospital. My car's still at school." He heard a sniff from behind him, and he turned to see macho Jared Kleinman, "take no shit" Kleinman, biting his lip to keep from crying. Connor rolled his eyes. "Let's get to Heidi's. It shouldn't be too far from here." He pressed a kiss into Evan's forehead.

 

"We never talked a-about why I ended up leaving in the first place." 

Evan was in bed at home, with a splint on his ankle, propped up for elevation. Connor sucked in a breath.

"No, I don't guess we did."

"I- I, just think, if thi-this is going to work you ha-have to believe in me a little. I-I'm not stupid. I knew something was up. So just, so just tell me if something, something like this happens. You know?" He put his head in his hands. "It just hurt to hear you talk about me like I was a bet to be won, or- or- or a prize," Evan half whispered. Connor stared at his shoes, completely ashamed.

"I know. And- and if you want to get rid of me, I understand, but you should know how sorry I am." He winced. 

"I-I'm not gonna get rid of you, silly goose. Just talk to me next time. Aw... don't look so sad, Con... c'mere. I miss getting cuddled by you. It's been l-like 36 hours." 


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They play hooky- wheelchair edition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! How are you dears? Have some fluff. You've earned it.

"Mrs. Hansen, please. Isn't there any way you can get Evan a wheelchair from the hospital?" Connor wheedled. Heidi smiled, ruffling Connor's hair.

"For the last time, sweetie, call me Heidi. And no, Evan will do just fine with the crutches." She handed Connor his stack of pancakes from the griddle, and he sat down next to Evan to eat in the airy kitchen.

"But he's in so much agony! He shouldn't have to walk, Mrs- I mean, Heidi." That one made Heidi laugh. She tossed up her arms.

"Okay, okay, I can probably ask for one today without too much hassle. But Evan isn't a baby, Connor, no matter how much you and I would like to believe that." She gestured towards her 17 year old son, looking refreshed and maybe even a little relaxed as he ate pancakes. 

"The syrup on his face begs to differ, ma'am." Connor grinned as Evan hastily tried to wipe any food off of his face. 

"You boys are going to be late. I'm going to go back to sleep, but if I leave for work before you two get home, there's money on the counter." She ruffled Evan's hair and headed upstairs with her pancakes. They both knew Heidi was tired from working all night, even if she didn't show it. The two boys quickly grabbed coats and headed off for school, Evan trying to maneuver quickly enough in the crutches.

They were in English together when Evan got a slip of paper saying that he had a package. He sighed. "Why did you make my mom get me a wheelchair again?" Connor just smiled.

"I'm trying to make it so that you are in as little discomfort as humanly possible, like, all the time, bro." Evan snickered at him as he got up.

"Bro?" Connor realized what he said and nearly died laughing.

"Ball isn't life, bro, you're life." He wheezed.

"N-no homo, brah," Evan played along as they walked down to the office to get Evan's little folding wheelchair.

Connor pushed him down the hall, listening to Evan half ramble to himself quietly about how it was just a sprained ankle. He smiled to himself. "Hey," he interrupted suddenly, "wanna skip school?" He gave his most charming smile. Evan blushed furiously and shook a little.

"Um- b- I, sh- isn't- yeah, i-isn't that like illegal?" He was off balance from the incredibly sexy smile as well as the invitation to commit a crime, albeit a small one.

"More of a suggestion than anything. I actually cannot deal with that shithole today, so, you and I are going to hit downtown. Don't worry, if we go into a store you can pretend to be mute."

There was that smile again, and oh gosh he was tying his hair up into a bun, and it's like he knows what will win Evan over, because Evan just nodded  enthusiastically and licked his lips. 

Twenty minutes later, they had made it downtown, parking between their favorite café and an arcade. Luckily, the arcade was mostly empty, otherwise Evan would not have gone in. They played old games like Donkey Kong and Q-bert and Centipede, Evan always besting Connor by just a little, having mastered these games as a kid. An employee tried to strike up a conversation with Evan, so Connor made up fake sign language and Evan nodded and made a few signs as well.

"Sorry, he says you're not his type," Connor said apologetically as he pushed Evan out of the building. 

After sandwiches at Picklemann's café, they walked/rode the three blocks to the downtown park. Connor pulled Evan into his lap on a park bench, propping up his foot on the arm of the bench. Evan smiled softly and kissed the space between Connor's eyebrows, then the tip of his nose, and finally his lips. What was once simply tranquil and sweet suddenly became something more.

Evan tried to take control, earning him a sharp nip to his bottom lip and a smirk. Evan undid Connor's hair tie so he could run his hands through the thick locks. There was a sharp cough from a nearby bench, and both laughed breathily at the thought that they had been making out with abandon in a public park. 

"You and your nose kisses," Connor chuckled. There was a pause. "Hey, Evan?"

"Mm?"

"Tell me some tree facts." He smiled goofily at Evan. Evan laughed. No one liked to hear his tree facts. But there was a beat of silence, and Connor was looking at him expectantly.

"W-wait, you actually wanna um, hear my tree facts? No-not that that's a um a problem, j-just, just no one ever wants to hear those. I- I'm told that, told that they're boring." He smiled sheepishly. Connor gestured for him to go on.

"O-oh! Yeah, um, right. Well, u-uh, did, did you know that a, uh, a full grown tree  drinks about 2,000 gallons of water a year? It's pretty, pretty amazing actually." He grinned. 'Go on,' Connor mouthed. "Oh! And, I, I just read an amazing book about sycamore trees! In ideal conditions, they can grow to be 120 feet tall."

On and on Evan went, and as he talked about his favorite subject, his stutter slowly faded to a little hitch here and there. His head slowly lifted from the crook of Connor's neck, using animated hand gestures. Once Evan felt he had told enough tree facts, he settled back into Connor's neck, but it had been worth it. 

"You know what?" Connor said.

"What?" 

"If we were playing by the rules right now, we'd be in gym." Evan giggled and rolled his eyes.

"Another Ferris Bueller quote, Connor, really?" Connor shrugged, putting Evan back in the wheelchair.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentine's Day double date (AKA the author's apology chapter)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First things first: I'm really sorry i haven't updated ina few days. This is far from over, please forgive me. However, I might start updating every other day, as a means of giving you guys better and longer content. Please let me know what you think of this. I love you. (PS: Evan's still in the chair during the shopping trip, but he's out by the time Valentine's Day rolls around)

Chapter 21

“Do these jeans make my ass look good?” Zoe asked Evan. She and Alana had caught wind of the boys skipping school and had insisted on joining them. So there they were, at the mall, trying on clothes for the Valentine's Day double date they were planning. Zoe and Evan were in one changing room, and Alana and Connor were in another. Zoe waved her hand. “Evan. My ass. Thoughts?”

He looked at her up and down thoughtfully. “Looks good on- on you, more for a regular date than for Valentine’s Day, th- though.” Zoe nodded.

“Fair enough. What are you gonna wear? Nothing too formal, right?” She asked. Evan sighed.

“I- I just, keep worrying that whatever I wear is gonna be too much, a-and I keep going back to polos and khakis. I want Val- Valentine's Day to be good, you know?” He put his head in his hands.

Zoe put a hand on Evan's chin, inspecting him carefully. Her eyes lit up suddenly and she smiled.  
“Okayokayokay. So here's the thing. You're cute as hell, right? Let's play that up. I'll get an outfit together but you have to do what I say. Deal?”

Evan shuddered and nodded. “D-deal.”

Connor knocked on Evan's door, roses in hand, hoping to whatever deities out there that he wasn't too underdressed. Alana had done some research on what body and personality types went best with certain clothes and had made him an outfit based on it. Alana was a cool girl, he guessed, and she was definitely a good influence on his sister. So out of respect, he had gone with the button up, the leather jacket, the loose scarf and the combat boots. He smiled weakly as Mrs. Hansen herself opened the door.

“Connor! Come on in.” She let him into the living room with a smile and a kiss on the cheek for him. “Evan's almost done getting ready, he should be out any minute. The roses are a very sweet gesture.” No sooner had they sat down on the couch than Evan had opened the door with a cough and a stammered, “I-I’m here C-Con.”

Connor's head turned sharply to see him tiptoe down the stairs. He looked like a dream. Evan wore this oversized fluffy pale pink sweater with light wash skinny jeans (Evan Hansen in skinny jeans!) and the pair of converse that everyone bought in tenth grade. His hair looked like he had done it and redone it too many times, and he was definitely trying to still his obvious shaking with a calm demeanor that wasn't there, but he was beautiful.

Connor's heart rate sped up. He was breathing heavily, and the nerves were getting to him and his heart was furious and his jacket was so hot-

Connor didn't quite make it down the hall to the bathroom before puking in the Hansen residence.  
The first thing he said was, “Oh god, I'm so sorry.” He looked around for a mop, a rag, anything, but Heidi and Evan were already there with an “Oh, sweetie,” and a “C-Connor, I-I'm sor-sorry it's probably my fault…” He waved them off.

“I- um. Sorry, been nervous all night. Ugh. Um, Heidi, you and Evan head back to… to the living room, I’ll clean it up… I’m sorry.” For once, he was the one excessively apologizing. His face was red. He felt like washing his brain out with bleach to forget this. But Heidi and Evan had twin looks of confusion. Evan spoke up.

“U-um… aren't you the one who just threw up? Connor, Connor- uh. You need to go to the bathroom to clean up, h-honey.” Heidi nodded.

“And anyway, sweetie, what are moms for, anyway? Go on. You know, this happened to me twice, so don't feel bad.” She winked and gestured towards the bathroom.

Twenty minutes later, nine of them spent convincing Heidi he was just a nervous wreck and not actually sick while he brushed his teeth excessively, they were on their way to the restaurant. They were late, and Heidi didn't get cute pictures, but whatever.

“You're really beautiful,” Connor said quietly, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. Evan looked up from his clasped hands.

“What?” He asked, obviously confused. Connor licked his lips and wiped away the head of sweat gathering on his hairline.

“It's just that… fuckin… I was already nervous and I saw you, so beautiful, and everything was just really dizzy, you know? You were just so beautiful, and I really love you, and um fuck.” He rambled before realizing what he had said. Evan's eyes were wide. When he spoke, his voice jumped octaves.

“Yup! I mean, oh shoot, yeah. I-I-I think? I mean I think that too. L-like, like not like think? More like I know? Ah shoot that was r-really forward and. WhatIwannasayisiloveyoutoobutimfreakedoutanditshardtosay.” He breathed heavily, putting his head in his hands. Connor's knuckles were white from gripping the steering wheel.

“Evan. You shouldn't feel like. Um. Like you have to say it. I know I did, but I don't wanna pressure-”

“Nonononono! I've really really wanted to, wanted to say it for a really long time and I, and I was gonna say it um, to-tonight. Like, I had this thing written out in my head, where I- I told you I loved y-you, but now I guess we-we've both said it, huh.” He managed to get the words out, barely without injury. Connor smiled so wide it felt like his face was going to split.

“I didn't take you for a romantic, Acorn.”

“Sh-shut up.”

Zoe played with her fork. “You're sure we can't order liquor? I definitely look over 21.” She pouted.

“Zoe, that's illegal! Look, the others are here anyway.” Alana gestured to the door, where two boys who had definitely just finished making out waltzed in. Zoe and Alana gestured to the seats across from them.

“Evan, that sweater is so becoming of you! Did Zoe pick that out?” Alana asked a blushing Evan.

“Are you kidding? Yes, I picked that out. Evan only wears blue polos and khakis if he can help it.”

“Well, it's doing its job, because if you'll pardon my suggestive language, Evan definitely just got lucky in one way or another.” Connor raised his eyebrows at a visibly embarrassed Evan as if to say, “well, they're not wrong.”

The rest of the dinner passed that way, with risqué jokes and teasing insults. By the time they got the check, Zoe was nearly in Alana’s lap eating red velvet cheesecake, while Connor and Evan were sharing a milkshake like something out of a fifties diner. Everyone raised interest as to who was going to pay, but Zoe waved everyone off and paid for it herself. Connor shook his head.

“Zoe, did you actually manage to get alcohol?” Zoe wrapped an arm around Alana.

“Nope, only drunk I am’s drunk on love.” She pressed kisses into Alana's hair until Evan finally said, “O-oh my god get a room,” which made everyone laugh, coming from shy and sweet Evan Hansen.

The parking lot was almost empty by the time they left, and the only sound to be heard was the whispering of Evan and Connor, and the raucous laughter coming from Alana, whom Zoe had attempted to pick up (it is unclear whether or not she was actually drunk).

Everyone slept well that night, feeling loved.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People fight, even when they love each other.  
> (Quick warning: little steamy at the end, but nothing major)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi loves! As said before, I'm now posting every other day, to get y'all better content and so I can self care a little. Hope you enjoy this chapter, I love you all so so much and I hope you're having an awesome Labor Day!

Chapter 22

“Th-that's not what I meant and you know it, Con! Why a-are you acting like this? … no, I- I know this isn't you… you're always so loving… yes, and sweet… listen, I love you, but- but you have to listen to m-me, treat me like, treat me like a nor-normal person… I know you're sorry… yeah… I'm sorry too… no, I just- need time to cool off… love you too.” Evan hung up. He lifted his head to the shocked and concerned faces of Zoe, Alana, and even Jared, who was driving them to get ice cream.

“Wh-what? Connor and I just had, just had a little argument. Why are you guys so freaked out?” Jared was the first to speak up.

“You're like a fucking wonder couple! I didn't know you two ever fought.” He shook his head slowly in amazement. Evan turned to Zoe and Alana.

“Do- do you two fight?” He asked.

“Of course! We fight all the time.” Alana playfully nudged Zoe, who smiled and rolled her eyes.

“Okay, s-so why aren't Connor and I allowed t-to disagree?” The others looked at one another, deciding how to put it.

“Be--because you're not supposed to, dumbass!” Was Zoe’s blunt response. “You're like, soulmates?” Jared nodded in agreement. The others still hadn't warmed up to Jared yet, especially after what they referred to as ‘the Evan War,’ but Evan seemed to enjoy having him around.

Evan smiled. “We-well, maybe, hah… but right now I'm upset at him so he's not coming to my room tonight!” Everyone frowned in confusion.

“He comes into your room at night?” Zoe and Alana said in unison. Evan blushed and nodded.

“J-Just to make sure, make sure I'm okay, if I'm upset or if I need anything…” he trailed off. Jared chuckled through gritted teeth. He still liked Hansen, but he respected his decision and had decided not to try anything, at least while he was with Murphy. But when Evan said disgustingly cute shit like this, it was hard to grin and bear it.

“What were you two even arguing about, anyway?” He said, trying to shift the subject away from the painfully cute stuff Hansen got up to with his birthday.

“Heh, it- it wasn’t worth getting worth worked up over at first. He got jealous like he sometimes does, a-and I poked fun at him for it, and he said some upsetting stuff, lo-long story short I accidentally called him the c- word.” Everyone gasped.

“You called Connor Murphy a- a-” Alana couldn't bring herself to say it. Evan realized what he had said.

“Nononono I hate that word! I ca-called him crazy.” Everyone burst out laughing.

  
Connor knocked on Zoe's door.

“Zoe? Did you steal my damn nail polish again?” When she didn't answer, he barged in himself. Zoe pulled an earbud out.

“Wow, knock much?” She rolled her eyes, putting the earbud back in.

“I just did, dumbass.” He replied, pulling it out of her ear again.

“Cut it out, asshole!” Zoe pulled herself up on the bed and flicked his ear like they were in grade school. He flicked back.

“I just came in to ask if you took my fucking nail polish, dickwipe!” He browsed her shelves, looking for the sparkly black polish.

“So what if I did? Yours chips in an hour anyways. Plus, it's my nail polish.” Connor turned his head.

“Uh, no it isn't.”

“Yes it is. I bought it.”

“Uh, yeah, but you gave it to me!” He shoved her shoulder.

“No way!” She elbowed him in the ribs. “Take that, My Chemical Romance!”

“Fuck you!”

“Fuck you too!” She flipped him off as he left.

An hour later, Connor, on the couch, received a text.

**Zozo: hey larry’s gonna be home in ten mins tops so u’d better haul ass upstairs**

**Me: thanks**

He went upstairs, made sure to knock loudly enough on her door for Zoe to hear through earbuds. “Come in!” She shouted. He gingerly stepped into the lavender painted bedroom. Zoe sat on her bed, with the bottle of nail polish.

“Dude, I've got like, sour patch kids and beef jerky and shit if you don't wanna go down for dinner.” She said, extending the bottle.

“Yeah, okay. But first, you have to at least start doing my nails because you paint better than I do, and I want, like, fancy shit for my next date. Gotta look the part.” He pulled his hair back into a ponytail.

“Ugghh I'm too lazy to get the real kit and the stencils…. Connie…” Zoe gave him the puppy dog eyes and used the nickname only she was allowed to use.

“Fiiine… hey, Zozo?” He started towards the bathroom to get the kit but turned around suddenly. “I'm… really glad we started talking again last year.” She gave him a half grin in return.

“Me too.”

  
**HairBoy(friend): hey just wanted to say that i love you and I get it if you're still upset but you should just know that**

**Me: I love you too, Con. I know I said I didn't want to but would it be okay if I changed my mind about you coming over?**

**HairBoy(friend): really!? yeah, of course!**

**HairBoy(friend): on my way**

**Me: Thank you.**

No sooner had Connor climbed in the window than Evan pulled him off of the desk for a kiss.

“I'm sorry I called you the c-word,” he whispered, tugging at Connor's hoodie. Connor almost burst out laughing.

“Ev, what? You didn't call me a- oh my god you meant crazy. It's okay. I'm sorry I said you were an oblivious baby. Forgive me?” Evan nodded breathlessly. They continued joining lips on Evan's bed, until Evan coughed and turned his head suddenly.

“What is it, baby? Are you okay? Did I hurt y-” Evan shook his head suddenly.

“Nonono I- I- I just-- c-can we do this with um. Fewer clothes?” He asked. Connor gulped.

“Really? Uh, yeah! I- mean, sure, baby. Um- c'mere.” Awkwardly, they rid Evan of his shirt. Connor trailed a finger from his chin to his navel, making Evan shiver. “You're perfect, you know that, right? You're so, so exquisitely perfect.” He kissed down the same way his finger had gone.

“Con,” Evan gasped, hands moving to his hair. Connor looked up and smirked.

“What is it, lovely?” A smile spread on his face as he continued to mark Evan up.

“I- ah- I love y-you,” he said softly, closing his eyes. Connor made his way back up to Evan's lips.

“I love you too,” he said, before attacking his mouth once more.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oops. My hand slipped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry actually but this is sorta where I've been meaning to take things. I deeply apologize.

Chapter 23

They were going to climb some goddamn trees. Evan had been asking to climb for some time now, and the early March morning was finally warm enough to go outside without freezing their asses off. So they packed lunches and headed to the orchard, the one place where all their thoughts were clear.

The grass was nearly dead, just freed from the newly melted snow, Evan noted as he headed to the car. Come to think of it, some of the ice on the road might still be there, so fresh out of winter, but Evan could hardly be bothered to care. He was going to get to climb trees!

Connor wasn't a morning person. Even with his darling Evan at his side, he was groggy and only hoped that wandering around the orchard with his boyfriend would wake him up.

They cruised through the empty streets, pushing the speed limit a little. It was 7 am, anyway.

These are the facts:

Connor Murphy still had marijuana in his system, from a joint smoked a few hours earlier in addition to his chronic use.

There were still warnings on the news about icy roads, including the rarely used ones that lead to the orchard.

Connor Murphy, in a groggy and slightly addled state, did not see the large patch of ice on the road until it was too late.

Connor Murphy and Evan Hansen slid off of the road and into a ditch, causing a significant physical trauma to Connor Murphy’s head.

Evan Hansen was knocked unconscious on impact, but was otherwise unharmed. When he woke up, roughly an hour later, he was trapped and unable to reach his cell phone in the wreckage. He was forced to wait for the police to find them, which they did, at eight pm that night, after Heidi Hansen had woken up without them in the house.

Evan Hansen was severely dehydrated and quite shaken, but would turn out to be fine. Connor Murphy, however, entered a coma.

  
Evan sat next to Connor's bed, feeling like he couldn't cry. He just sat there, numb. He just sat there, feeling how warm Connor's hands were, even in a coma. He just sat there, making a list of all the things he would do, if only Connor would wake up.

He brought flowers. The cornflowers he always liked because he said they reminded him of Evan. He put a package of Peanut M&Ms on the table every day, along with a note, on the off chance Connor woke up in the few hours Evan wasn't there. He brought Connor's hoodie, and his skull ring, and his hair ties, in a box of everything he would want when he woke up.

Heidi insisted on taking his case, being the one to check his vitals. They tried to tell her no, but she didn't listen. She read Connor aloud from the letters Evan was writing in therapy, knowing he would want to know how Evan was doing. She was the one who put his hair in a bun, realizing it was getting greasy from lack of washing.

Zoe had to be thrown out of the hospital room. She had made up her mind that she wasn't going to leave, that she was just going to _be_ there until he woke up, because he would wake up. Because he had to. Because she didn't know what she was going to do if she didn't have a big brother anymore. So she put her head on his chest most of the time, liking to know he was still breathing.

Cynthia Murphy was the one who cried. She sobbed over and over, “ _he was my only son! My only son_ ,” wetting Connor's hair with her tears. When Larry tried to comfort her, she slapped his hands away, whispering, “ _My baby is dead. My baby is dead.”_

Larry stood in the corner. He didn't trust himself to speak, afraid nails and glass would come out. He knew if he tried to talk, he would blame Connor, and if he blamed Connor again, he didn't think he could live with himself.

They got lucky a week later.   
It was just Evan and Zoe there at the time, supporting each other's weight, the two of them not having slept for some time. Connor's wrist flinched. At first, neither reacted, because Connor's wrist had flinched a lot, and they didn't want to get their hopes up again. But then his eyelashes fluttered. Groggily, Evan sat forward, more interested this time.

Connor Murphy blinked once, twice. Evan slapped Zoe on the arm. “He's up, he's up, ohmygodConnoriloveyouConnoryoureawake.” His words ran together from sleep deprivation and excitement. Zoe screamed and rushed over.  
Connor opened his mouth.

“Where am I?” he asked. He turned to Zoe and Evan. “The fuck are you two?” He asked, obviously confused and a little hostile. Evan's heart sank.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's awake. And he's not the Connor Evan knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love you all. I'm really sorry. Don't worry, the fluff will be back eventually.

"U-um. Connor? It's me, E-Evan. Zoe's here t-too." He just wanted him to snap out of it, call Evan one of the cheesy nicknames he stored up, for things to be alright. Connor shook his head.

"Fuck. Am I in a hospital room? And sorry, that's not ringing a bell, stutters." Connor shrugged and glanced around the room. "I'm not remembering a whole lot, actually. Like, I'm in a hospital, and I know somehow that I hate hospitals, but I don't know why I'm here or why my head hurts or any of that shit. What the hell is going on-- Evan, right?" He asked. Evan nodded.

"Uh, you- you were in a car accident with me, and you w-went into a coma. The doctors said you might ha-have some, have some, some amnesia, b-but I didn't think-" he put his face in his hands. Connor sat up a little more.

"Hey, hey. Don't, uh, get upset, dude. I'm fine, I think. So we know each other, I guess?" Evan nodded shakily. It was strange, somehow- it didn't seem right to tell someone who didn't remember you that you were the love of one another's lives.

"I- I'm a friend. Zoe here is your sister." Connor paused and looked at Zoe thoughtfully. 

"Older or younger?" He asked her.

"You-you're my big brother," she said quietly, tears rimming her eyes. Connor lurched forward in bed.

"Fucking shit, yeah, that sounds about right- hey, uh, hey, Zoe, don't cry. Um- Zozo... sorry that sounds weird I just kinda said it- I'm fine, really." He sat back, hopeful that he had managed to comfort somehow. He quirked an eyebrow, folding his arms. "I'm pretty close to you assholes, then, right?" He snarked to relieve the pressure.

Evan nodded enthusiastically, before pausing. "Um, hah, we should probably let the nurses and your parents know you're up, I guess." Connor tilted his head.

"Parents," he mused, "I guess I hadn't thought about if I had those. Are ours any good?" He asked Zoe, who scrunched her nose and shrugged.

"Cynthia's pretty chill, you and I both think, but you and Larry haven't been on great terms since you came out in freshman year," she admitted. Connor laughed in surprise.

"I'm gay?" He asked. Evan's eyes widened.

"Very," he said firmly, making them all laugh.

 

Connor was discharged from the hospital two days later, the doctors having established that his head would be healed in a few weeks. His parents had decided to bring Evan, Heidi, Zoe, Alana, and even Jared in to show Connor some pictures of his life before the accident as a means of jogging his memory, but to no avail. He said that the picture of him and Zoe on the swing set as children looked familiar, and Evan and Connor's Christmas Eve picture in front of the Hansen tree ring a bell, but nothing else.

Evan texted Connor the next day, having taken ten minutes to draft a message he felt comfortable with.

**Me: Hey, Connor. I was wondering if you'd like to come with me to an orchard you and I used to like this afternoon. We'd have to take the bus since you still can't drive.**

**Connor Murphy: Sure, but couldn't you just drive us?**

**Me: Oh, I don't drive. My anxiety makes that pretty difficult.**

**Connor Murphy: Huh. That's kinda fucking pathetic, to tell you the truth**

**Me: Haha, you're probably right...**

**Connor Murphy: K, meet me at the bus stop I guess? Bye Hansen**

**Me: Bye**.

 

After an awkward bus ride to the stop nearest the orchard, Connor took a deep breath and finally asked what he'd been thinking for a while.

"So do you ever wear anything but blue polo shirts and khakis? I've met you like three times and that's what you've been wearing." He gestured to Evan's attire.

Evan laughed nervously. "Hah, it is sort of my comfort clothing, y-you used to think it wa-was cute." He'd said too much. Connor glanced over at him.

"I mean. I guess so, but that would be pretty gay of me to say in reference to a friend," he said, walking briskly enough to where Evan had to jog to keep up. Evan tried to laugh it off, which he wasn't good at doing. Luckily for him, they had reached the orchard.

"So we used to hang out here?"

"Y-yeah."

"No offense, but this is a pretty piss poor orchard if I do say so myself," remarked Connor, entering through the rusty gates. He was right, of course. It needed better care, and in early march, the trees were bare and ugly, to everyone but Evan. But Evan didn't see it, and it stung, coming from Connor. 

"I-it looks nicer in when there a-are leaves." He mumbled, embarrassed that he had even brought Connor here. He was such an idiot! This new version of Connor probably didn't like him, much less love him. He just wanted to go home. Connor seemed to catch on to his panic.

"Doesn't matter. It's fine. I can see myself hanging here," he said, even though he couldn't. Even pulls his face out of his hands.

"Re-really?" He asked, eyes hopeful. Connor coughed.

"Sure, I mean, anywhere's better than home, right?" He shrugged. Evan sighed.

"That's the Connor I knew talking. You never did like being home."


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor needs to remember. Evan's trying to buck up. Jared is gritting his teeth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will likely be another chapter tonight, but no promises :)

It had been almost two weeks, and almost nothing was coming back for Connor. He vaguely remembered faces. When Zoe told him stories about Connor as a kid, he managed to beat her to the punchline of him throwing the printer at Mrs. G in second grade. But he was missing so much. He was missing so much. 

Evan called Connor every day, just to ask about him and try to jog his memory a bit. It was fourteen days after he woke up when Connor remembered something. 

"Acorn," he breathed into the phone. "I used to call you acorn, didn't I?" He asked. Evan squeaked.

"Yeah! Yeah, you ca-called me acorn." Evan sounded hopeful on the phone for the first time in the two weeks Connor had known him. He smiled to himself.

"Well, that's chill, I guess. It suits you."

 

The acorn revelation turned out to be a false alarm. It wasn't the sign of a dam of memory breaking. It was just leakage. But he was remembering little things. Insignificant things, some might say. He would just _know_ something, and mention it when he could.

"You're allergic to peanut butter, aren't you, Zo?" He would ask, or something like that, while they were driving to school (he was finally able to drive again) and she would just grin and nod.

Soon, Connor realized that he didn't really know Evan, what he liked, how he spent his time, what made him feel safe. That last one didn't sit well with Connor, because he knew enough about himself to know he wasn't usually concerned with what made anyone feel safe. Why was this Hansen kid different? Nevertheless, when Evan called, he decided to just ask some questions.

"Hey, Hansen?"

"Y-yeah?"

"What's your favorite color?" He asked, notepad in hand.

"Uh, blue, actually." Connor jotted it down.

"Favorite movie?" He pressed on. Evan responded with the saddest sigh in his voice.

"The- the princess bride." That made Connor smile.

"Haha, that one's a classic. Favorite soda?" They were reliving the conversation they first had when they met, and Evan's heart was breaking. When Connor had gone through his list, he heard a sniffle from the other end of the call.

"What's up?" He asked.

"I- I- its no-nothing." Connor laughed.

"Sure, buddy. Your stutter is hi-fucking-larious, by the way. A little pitiful. But hilarious. Oh well. See ya tomorrow, right?" He said lazily, unaware of how deep his words were cutting.

"Y-yeah, sure," Evan mumbled, hanging up quickly. 

His anxiety was pathetic? His stutter was pitiful? And hilarious? Who was this new Connor? Where was the one Evan knew? Evan could just see him there, blowing kisses at him like he used to, or running towards him to scoop him up in order to make Evan giggle. 

" _Evan_ , _baby,"_ he'd say, kissing him gently, " _I missed you. You look beautiful tonight, sweetheart."_ And everything would be okay. Because how could it not be with Connor around? 

The Connor that Evan knew was gone, he decided. He couldn't feel his gentle presence, the warmth in his smile, the mirthful tone of his laugh. All of it was gone. Evan lay on his bed and let the tears spill from his eyes.

Sometimes, he still subconsciously waited by his window at night, waiting for Connor to come. But that night, Evan was the one who snuck out of his window. He had one destination in mind: Jared Kleinman's house.

 

Jared Kleinman liked to think he understood the ways of the world fairly well. He wanted to believe that he could infer to a certain degree. But when a crying Evan Hansen scootered up to his front door and rang the doorbell three times in a row, he was a little lost. 

Evan latched onto him in a tight hug as soon as Jared opened the door. He hugged back as well as he could, but eventually pulled Evan up to face him.

"Buddy. Evan, what the fu- _heck,_ is going on?" He asked, brushing Evan's hair off his forehead.

"Ja-Jared... I- I- I don't, don't think C-Connor is ever gonna b-b-be normal again!" Evan sobbed, returning his face to Jared's chest. Jared sighed, partly out of the sadness of the situation and partly out of annoyance that Evan brought his tears to Jared specifically. 

"Okay, buddy. Go sit on the couch. I'll get you something to eat and put on a tree documentary." He pushed a grateful Evan inside, sat him down with a video about Redwood trees or something like that (Jared didn't know or care) and started poking around the kitchen for something Evan would eat. He settled on microwave popcorn and sliced peaches, too tired to actually make comfort food like macaroni and cheese. 

He sat down next to Evan, handed him the food and allowed him to lean against Jared as he sniffled.

"You wanna talk about it?" He asked quietly. Evan shrugged.

"I just don't know what I'm g-gonna do," he whispered. "He's so- so mean now. He made fun of m-my, my stutter. H-he said it was pathetic tha-that I, that I can't drive." Evan murmured, hiding his face in Jared's neck. Jared was feeling very conflicted, as one might imagine.

"Ev, buddy, almost all people, uh, with retrograde amnesia get their memories back. Uh, Connor'll be fine. And as for him saying that stuff, let me know if I need to kick his ass again, 'kay?" He awkwardly ruffled Evan's hair. 

"I know this has been hard on you. Hell, I don't even like the guy and it's been hard on me. But you're gonna get through this, and I know Murphy will get his memory back. I know it. So you may have to buck up a little, because it's gonna be shitty for a while. Can you do that for me?" He looked down at Evan, who was already fast asleep, obviously tuckered out. Jared rolled his eyes and smiled.

"Night, Hansen."


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A puzzle piece locks into place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You've earned it ;)

Evan woke up on Jared's couch, horrified to see he had been drooling on Jared's chest and realizing that he hadn't told his mom he was staying the whole night. He quickly pulled off of a tired Jared to shoot Heidi a text. 

"Ev," Jared mumbled, "we gotta go to school," he said, sitting up slowly. "Shit, I've got a wicked hangover." He put his head in his hands. Evan glanced over at him.

"Ha-hangover? I didn't know y-you were drinking again," Evan said quietly. Jared rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, well, desperate times call for desperate measures. Go get something of mine to wear. Daddy needs to make him a prairie oyster." 

"Ja-Jared?"

"What?"

"N-never refer to yourself as D-Daddy again, I beg you." Evan sighed, rubbing his eyes. He stumbled off to Jared's room to borrow his one pair of khakis. Evan needed comfort clothes today. 

 

"Oh my god, Ev, you can do it. It's easy. It's King of New York, the tapping is so standard, babe," said Zoe, trying to hold Evan's shoulders so he wouldn't fall over while he attempted to tap dance. They were in drama class together, Zoe having made special arrangements with the principal so that Evan could get his fine arts credit without having to go up on stage.

"B-but I lose my balance-!" He fell on his ass, laughing so hard he was nearly tearing up. Zoe pulled him up, also dying with laughter, and they tried again, both giggling still. Or they were until Connor showed up. 

He sauntered lazily towards them, looking amused. "Hansen, you nerd, are you tap dancing?" He asked, running a hand though his hair. Evan half smiled, half grimaced.

"Oh- uh- hah, I- I- yeah." He mumbled, looking at his feet, silently blaming them for the ridicule. Connor snorted. 

"Adorable. Listen, Zozo, is he a loser or what?" He tried to be playful but missed his mark. Evan had heard enough. Zoe made a grab for him but Evan was too quick, darting off out of the auditorium while shouting something stuttered and unintelligible.

Jared rushed out from backstage, a script in one hand and an Egg McMuffin in the other. "I heard distressed Hansen noises. Who did what?" Zoe pointed to Connor.

"Called him a loser. Made fun of his dancing." she said. Jared rolled up his sleeves.

"Listen, Murphy, you don't remember this, but I kicked your ass last October, so don't try anything. Come with me, asshole." Connor shrugged and complied, allowing himself to be lead out of the auditorium and into the second floor boys bathroom that nobody used. 

"Alright, listen up, jackass. I don't like you and you don't like me. The only thing I like about you is your taste in men, which is what we're here about. Shut up and let me talk," he added, noting Connor's look of confusion. "Before you and Evan got into that car crash, you were soulmates, or true loves or some shit. And here's the thing: you were objectively the best boyfriend Evan could've gotten, and he deserves better than this shitty Connor 2.0. So we're gonna sit right here and talk about you and Evan until something clicks, got it?" 

Neither of the two boys cared about skipping class, so they talked for a full hour. Jared supplied information about Evan and Connor's relationship, how Connor would order for him at restaurants, how Connor used to climb into Evan's bedroom window at night just to check on him. Jared told about the Evan War, how Connor carried Evan the mile back to Heidi's house. How he had every pet name under the sun for Evan, how he was constantly giving him his jacket. How everyone really believed they were in love.

But nothing was sticking. Connor shook his head at every story, frowned at the pet names and evidence of him spoiling Evan. "It doesn't even sound like me," he kept saying. 

But then he asked a question. 

"How did Evan and I meet?" He asked Jared. Jared rolled his eyes.

"Apparently you strolled on up to him and offered to start taking him home every day like something out of a shitty-"

"Shut up." Said Connor.

"Don't tell me to-" Jared tried to say. 

"No, shut up, something is fucking coming back to me!" Connor spat, holding his head in his hands. There was a dense, loaded pause.

"I offered him a ride. It was August." He said slowly. Everything was still in the linoleum tiled bathroom, but Connor's head was awash with memories of all of the car rides, and video games and botched dates, flooded with thoughts of ice skating and making out and holidays. Epiphany.

"O-oh my god. I need to find Evan."


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan's in the janitorial closet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is really early in the day, I know, but I'm such a hoe for mending broken hearts that I had to put this out there. Love you all!

Evan was curled into a ball in the janitorial closet. It shouldn't have mattered so much what Connor had said, he thought. Except it did, it did matter, because Connor was the only person he had met who didn't make him feel like a loser, and now that was gone. Connor was the only one who used to make him feel normal, and even more than that, that he was special. That Evan was wanted. 

He didn't bother to make a move to dry his tears. 

Or he didn't until he heard someone rushing down the hallway, the familiar sound of Doc Martens clumping through. Evan sighed. He figured Connor was off to hang out with other people, to talk about Evan behind his back, let everyone know how much of a _loser_ Evan Hansen really was-

Connor's voice interrupted his thoughts. "Baby?" He was shouting as he ran through the halls. "Evan, baby, please, I- remember," he wheezed, trying to catch his breath. Evan gasped from inside the closet. But even before he could try to sputter out where he was, Connor had heard him. He threw open the door. 

Connor Murphy was crying. Hard. He fell to his knees in front of Evan. He spluttered out gasps of air in between sobbed phrases. 

"Ev, a-acorn, o-oh my god-- oh m-y god, I'm sorry, I'm so, s-so, sorry," he said pressing his face into Evan's chest. "I'm, I've been, so h-horrible to you, a-and I- d-don't, don't know what to do, I- I love you so _fucking much,_ Evan," his body was racked with another wave of sobbing. 

Evan didn't say anything at first. But after a few minutes of letting Connor cry it out, he wrapped his arms around Connor's shuddering body, pressed their foreheads together. Connor was still cry-rambling, something Evan was all too familiar with.

"-a whole month, I l-left you for a m-month, ohgodohgodohgod p-please forgive me," his voice broke on the word 'forgive.' Evan held him closer.

"Shh, honey, shh, I f-forgive you, you know that. No, no, it's okay, it wasn't you, honey-" he soothed quietly. Connor tucked his head into the crook of Evan's neck, shaking his head.

"No, no, you don't understand- it _was_ me, Evan! I- I," he struggled to find the words. "I'm horrible, I am, I j-just never let you see it till now," he whispered. "I was s-so in love from the start that I tried to stop being so awful, s-so that you would like m-me," he said, the tears starting again. "A-and if you want m-me to leave y-y-you alone, I get it," he whimpered. Evan pulled Connor away from his neck and shook his head.

"I want y-you right here with me, C-Con," Evan said. His heart was breaking on the inside a little, with the knowledge that the Connor that Evan had just met a month ago was real, but he'd think about that later. Right now, it was just him and Connor, and if it wasn't a Connor that Evan remembered, it was a Connor who remembered Evan, at least. 

They both realized they had been missing from class for quite a while, and decided to call it quits and head to Evan's house. 

Half an hour later, they were spooning in Evan's bed, reveling in how old and familiar it felt. Connor realized quickly how much he had missed being able to wrap his arms around Evan's little waist, pressing kisses to the top of his head. Evan already knew how much he missed it, had been missing it for the past month, and he shed a few quiet tears as he let himself be held. 

"I love you, Evan," Connor mumbled into his hair. "I love you so much, I'm so fucking sorry that I left you." He stumbled over his words, closing his eyes as he breathed in Evan's blissfully recognizable scent, the coconut shampoo he used plus the hint of vanilla extract he always dabbed behind his ears as a perfume.

"I've m-missed hearing that," Evan breathed. "I love you too, Con." There was comfortable silence once more. Evan stirred slightly in his arms.

"D-do you think you c-could stay the, stay the night with me? I miss you." Connor kissed his cheek softly. 

 "Damn, Evan, I thought you'd never ask," Connor giggled quietly into his ear. Evan smiled and sighed contently.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Connor says he's gonna be more like himself, and then proceeds to coddle Evan to death while he's sick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)

Chapter 28

“Did you mean what you said?” Evan asked, pulling a polo out of the drawer.

“What do you mean?” Connor yawned, tossing him a pair of fresh boxers. He got out of bed, running a hand through his brunette mess.

“I- I mean,” Evan said, pulling on the boxers, a difficult task when Connor's hands were so resolutely on his hips, “I mean this past month. The times you called me pathetic a-and pitiful-- and a lo-loser.” Connor's cheeky grin faded to a look of pain and guilt. In an attempt to lighten the mood a bit, Evan added, “And p-put some clothes on. No one wa-wants to see that,” he said with a laugh.

Connor raised an eyebrow. “Well, you seemed to have a different opinion last n-” he stopped, seeing Evan blush profusely. “Anyway. I- in a way I did mean it, but none of it was true,” seeing Ev’s look of hurt and confusion, he continued. “Evan, you're the most perfect person I've ever met. But this past month I didn't understand how- how fucking much you mean to me, and I said all of the insensitive, bastardy stuff I say to everyone else- to you.” He said all of this while helping Evan into his clothes, just for something to do.

Evan grabbed a pair of boxers Connor had left at his place and handed them to his boyfriend. Connor thumbed at the eyelash that had fallen onto Evan's slightly chubby cheek. “So, you don't act like this with a-anyone but m-me?” He asked, working on the buttons of Connor’s flannel. Connor nodded. “Con, can we h-have a balance?” He asked, putting on his own belt. Connor tilted his head in confusion.

“I don't want you to, to wear yourself out tr-trying to be positive for me. I don't want you to be insincere. B-but,” he added, “I don't thi-think anyone except my mom h-has treated me, treated me as well as you have.” Connor smiled and shook his head.

“Acorn, I agree. And I love you. But never compare me to your mother the morning after.” He laughed, pressing a kiss to Evan's cheek. Evan giggled and pulled him in for a longer kiss.

Heidi gave them questioning looks at breakfast but said nothing, happy in the knowledge that both her boys had been safe, whatever they were doing.

They had agreed to try to keep their attendance better, after all, there were only two more months left in senior year. That afternoon, they went to the library, as Evan was already worried about finals.

“Studying” with Connor tended to mean Evan studied while Connor drew until Connor got bored or Evan got too stressed. That day was no different. Evan's breathing was increasing its rate until Connor looked over.

“Sweetheart, look at me. You're just fine, it's just studying, it's okay to take a break,” he said quietly until Evan relinquished his grip on the textbook. He petted Evan's hair until his breathing went back to normal. “You're all wound up, hm? C’mon, Hansen, let's head out. I'll help you with your English later.”

“What were your pl-plans for this weekend?” Evan asked as he allowed himself to be led out of the crowded library. Connor kissed his nose.

“My weekend plans are always you, silly.” He said, and Evan breathed a sigh of relief. Connor arched an eyebrow. “Why do you ask? Is everything okay?” Evan didn't seem like he wanted to say.

“Just- I love you.” He mumbled and stood on tiptoes to wrap his arms around Connor’s neck.

“I love you too. We’ll talk about it later, huh? Let me drop you off at your place. You need some sleep. You don't look so good.” And with that, they climbed into the car.

“Okay, no late visit tonight, baby. You need to go to bed.” He kissed Evan's forehead. “Tomorrow's Friday! You made it through the week, sweetheart!” Evan grinned at him. “Don't stay up too late, you cute little asshole,” Connor called after him as he scrambled up the steps to his house.

  
Thank God that Evan was a bad liar, at least to Connor. He couldn't hide anything from him, which was a pretty solid tool in a relationship. For instance, when Connor went to pick Evan up for school, he could tell Evan was pretending to be fine, but he wasn't fooling Connor. Con gave him the chance to tell the truth right off the bat.

“You feeling okay, bud?” He asked, glancing over Evan's shaking form, pale face, and clammy hands. Evan nodded profusely.

“Y-yeah! I'm gr-gr-great!” He tried to say cheerfully, but Connor wasn't having it.

“Let me feel your forehead, Ev.” Evan stuttered and shook his head, but Connor placed his hand on Evan's forehead anyway. He yanked his hand away quickly.

“Christ, baby, you're burning up. Why didn't you tell me you weren't feeling good?” Evan gave a lopsided shrug.

“I- I- I’m okay, r-really! I'll be great once I g-get to school,” he tried to say, but Connor just shook his head.

“Is your mama already at work, sweetie?” He asked. Evan nodded. “Okay, looks like it'll just be you and me today then, baby.” Evan was shaking his head, trying to tell Connor neither of them should be missing school, but Connor just rolled his eyes and lead Evan back inside. He sat Evan down on his bed.

“Do you think you can eat something?” He asked, rubbing Evan's back. Evan shook his head, gesturing towards his stomach. Connor petted his hair. “I'm sorry your tummy hurts, sweet pea,” he said softly. “Okay, bub, let's get you into some warmer clothes. How does my sweatshirt and the Spider-Man pajama pants sound?” Evan nodded. Connor knew he wasn't doing what he said he would, was babying and coddling him still, but he hated seeing Evan in pain.

He got Evan into what they now referred to as the “ pass out pjs,” and tucked him into bed. “I’m gonna go get you some medicine, Evan, I'll be right back, okay?” He brushed Evan's sweaty hair off of his head and went back downstairs to the medicine cabinet, shooting Heidi a text along the way.

**Me: ev is sick, I'm staying with him so no need to worry!**

**Heidi: Connor, it is a school day, isn't it?**

**Me: yeah… this is the last time I pull something like this, Heidi, promise**

**Heidi: Agh! Okay haha judt taje care of him!**

Connor smiled and grabbed all the medicine he figured he would need. Just then, he heard a retching noise from upstairs. He dashed up to see Evan trembling over the toilet as he heaved.

“Baby, baby,” he said as he hurried towards Evan. He rubbed his back gently, trying to undo whatever hurt he was feeling. Once Evan was finished, he helped him up and got him a glass of water to rinse his mouth out. When he saw that Evan was trembling enough to where it was hard for him to stand, Connor just calmly picked him up and tucked him back in. He picked through the plastic bag of medicine he had.

“Okay, let's see… I'll give you some Ibuprofen so your throat and muscles won't hurt and some phenergan for your tummy, how's that sound, honey?” He cooed. Evan nodded slightly, drawing in shallow little breaths, trying not to cough so that Connor wouldn't worry about him. Connor caught on, though, and raised his eyebrows at Evan.

“Evan, stop holding in your coughing, love. I'm gonna worry regardless, alright?” He said firmly, wiping the sweat off of Evan's warm forehead. “Only Evan Hansen would manage to catch the flu in April and try to be considerate of his coughing.” He said, shaking his head. He gave Evan the medicine and laid down next to him in bed.

“Thank you,” Evan croaked out, relaxing into the pillow.

“You're welcome, baby. The phenergan’s gonna make you sleepy, okay? You need to rest,” he said gently. Evan nodded, already struggling to keep his eyes open.

Evan woke up four hours later, curled into Connor's warmth. He just smiled and went back to sleep, knowing he was in good hands.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #LetConnorbesoft2k17  
> #LetEvancallConnorhoney2k17  
> #Theauthorneedssleep2k17  
> Connor lets it all out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!! Over 2000 hits y'all, I'm having an aneurysm. Which is probs why this chapter is so short. Love ya! ;)

"Evan?" Connor's voice came out shaky through the receiver.

"Hm?... Wait, what's going on, Con? Are you okay?" Evan heard the pained tone over the phone. 

"I... I'm sorry..." Connor whispered, hot tears pricking his eyes. 

"Connor, honey. Wha-what are you sorry for?" Evan asked, leaning forward on the couch. 

"... I keep- s-saying that I'm g... gonna be like myself. B-but Evan, I'm so _full of shit!"_ Connorweeped _. "_ I am! I str-str-string you along w-with this fake fucking me... when I'm horrible on the in-inside. Evan, I'm a goddamn mess!... I relapsed, Ev," Connor's voice finally broke into undignified sobbing, and Evan's heart broke.

"Oh, honey. C-Con, 'm on my way over, okay? My mom'll take me. Just hang on, honey." He didn't dare get off the line, didn't dare hang up on the intricately broken shell of a man that he was on the phone with. He just mouthed 'Connor's house' to his mother and kept murmuring through to Connor's cheap, cracked flip phone. 

Evan burst through the front door at the Murphy home, still practically a mansion. He ignored a confused Cynthia and Larry, darting up to Connor's messy room.

Connor was right about one thing. He looked a mess. His hair was untamed, his cheeks tear stained, and his arms... oh, his arms. 

Evan rushed to the shivering Connor on the edge of his bed. "Oh, honey, honey, y-your arms. Oh g-god." He held Connor tightly, helping him to stand. "Okay, darling, t-tell me where the bandages are, h-how's that?" He tried to talk to Connor like Connor did him when Evan was in a bad place. Connor motioned towards the bathroom, and Evan pulled Connor into him as they made their way towards it.

Ten minutes later, Connor's arms were heavily bandaged and gauzed, and Evan felt it safe to get him back to the bed. 

"O-okay, sweet boy. Talk to me about it n-now." He said, grabbing a hairbrush off of the side table to tame Connor's rat's nest of hair. 

"I- told you. I-I'm full of shit, Evan. I d-don't deserve you." he mumbled. Evan sighed and combed out another tangled spot in Connor's hair. 

"Con, you're not f-full of shit. It's okay to, okay to love me without th-thinking that it isn't you. Because, because it is. Because I know you, a-and I love you. You're perfect t-to me, Con." Evan quickly kissed his shoulder, smiling when he felt Connor relax into the touch. 

"Ev, you just love the me I've showed you. No one would love the real me." Connor admitted it softly, as though it wasn't meant to see the light of day. And maybe it wasn't. 

"Connor, d-do you really think th-the boy I've been fa-falling in love with again and again isn't real? The boy who carried m-me seven miles when I sprained m-my ankle? The boy who drew me a map of e-everywhere he wanted to take me this year isn't real? Be-be-because I don't think so. You are everything you made yourself out to be and more." Evan fondly wrapped his arms around Connor's chest from behind, letting him lean back to lay in his arms. All was still until he felt Connor shake slightly.

Connor's chest heaved as he cried silently. When Evan leaned over to see what was the matter, Connor waved him off.

"I-I'm happy," he choked out, holding on tightly to Evan. "I'm just really happy."


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan and the Galaxy Girls take a road trip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! This is just a reminder that if any of y'all have writing you wanna show me, or wanna collaborate with me, or just wanna talk to me, tell me in the comments! I love talking to you guys!

"You're sure it's o-okay if I leave? I don't want you to, to feel like I'm abandoning-" Connor cut Evan off with a kiss.

"Baby. I'm fine. Go have a good weekend with Alana and Zoe, okay?" He cupped Evan's cheeks, squishing his face slightly to make Evan laugh. Evan trotted down the steps to where Alana's car was waiting, waving to Connor as he left. 

He climbed into the backseat next to Zoe. Early 2000's pop was blasting through the speakers to Alana's liking, who surprisingly was a fan of artists like Britney Spears and KE$HA. "Road trip!" Zoe shouted gleefully.

They were going to personally check out the colleges they would be attending the next year. Too terrified to part, Zoe, Alana, Evan, Connor and Jared had all resolved to get into something in New York City, had been quietly working towards their goals until their fateful letters had arrived. Alana, unsurprisingly, had gotten into Cornell, Zoe would be attending the Manhattan School of Music, Jared was set for the American Academy of Dramatic Arts, and Evan and Connor would be going to the Cooper Union of Science and Art, so Evan could study Environmental Science and Connor could focus on his art.

However, to save money and space, it was just Evan and the girls going to see the colleges. Evan had packed well, brought snacks and blankets in case something went wrong with the hotel reservation. He had never been on a road trip before, and he squeezed Zoe's hand in excitement. 

The first few hours were mostly playing I-spy and blasting music, with a few rounds of Evan and Zoe coming up with words for Alana to anagram. They stopped for junk food for lunch, as well as slushies, per Evan's request, before continuing on their trek through boring farmland.

"So what are you trying to say?"

"All I'm saying is- consider. If cows ruled the world, would they drink human milk? Evan, thoughts?" Zoe nodded at her khaki clad partner in crime.

"Th-the real question, real question is- why would they want to?" Evan replied.

"Now we're talking! We need a Socratic seminar for this..." On and on they talked, about stupid things like whether pineapple belonged on pizza, as well as the important things, like their futures together.

 

15 hours later, they were in the city itself, having driven through the night. Evan was snoring, cheek pressed to the window. Alana had crashed in the back as well, after Zoe took the wheel so her girlfriend could rest. Zoe had two empty Redbull cans next to her and looked like she wanted a third. That Saturday morning, everything about New York was so lively that even weary Zoe couldn't miss it. 

 

Alana didn't stand out at Cornell like she did back home. All of the other kids were as achieving as she was, and it showed in their faces. Zoe nudged her to make friends with the tour group, and she ended up conversing heavily with a boy who had won several Spelling Bee titles in his middle school days, and she told him about all of the community service projects she had embarked on.

Evan was enraptured by the Environmental wing of the Cooper Union, and may or may not have babbled off some tree facts to the tour guide, but he made it very clear to Zoe and Alana that they were not permitted to share that part of their trip(They sent a video of it to Connor anyway). 

Zoe didn't say much about her thoughts on her college, she basically walked in the main gate and said, "I'm home, bitches." And that was that. 

Evan had never spent the night in a hotel before, and was reasonably awed when he saw the lovely white towels, the complimentary bottled water, and the moisturizer. He flopped down on the bed and said, "New York is the best city ever!" 

After a few hours of sightseeing the next morning, (mostly just Evan getting a sunburn while they waited for the ferry to take them back from the Statue of Liberty) they were ready to return home. It calmed a few of Evan's fears about New York, made him fret a little less about the rough city he planned to live in. 

That night, Connor was waiting for them on the steps to his house. When Alana's Prius pulled up, he started to make a mad dash for them, but Alana and Zoe slowly got out of the car, motioning for him to be quiet. 

"We get what you mean, about Evan being cute when he sleeps," Alana whispered.

"Can you get him out without waking him up?" Zoe asked. Connor chuckled.

"Yeah, I can do that."

 


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor and Jared are both Concerned™ for Evan. (Probably not the content you're here for but the author is tired tonight)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey. I love you. That is all.

"No." There was no changing Connor's mind about it. He was absolutely not going to form a study group with Evan and Jared. No good could come of it.

"Con, f-f-finals are in two weeks, and it helps when you're a-around, so I remember to take breaks..." Evan's shoulders managed to slump even though he was lying on his side in his bed, held gently by Connor.

"I know, love bug. But what does that have to do with Jared? You know he and I don't get along." Connor arched an eyebrow.

Evan mumbled something unintelligible.

"Speak up, baby."

"W-well, he asked me and I was t-too surprised to say, to say no, and I j-just would prefer if you were th-there, um, so." Evan said, eyes downcast, still expecting Connor to turn him away out of instinct.

"Ev, sweetheart, you know if it makes you uncomfortable to be with him you can turn him down." Seeing the panicked look in Evan's eyes, he quickly added, "But of course I'll go. You know I will." Evan nodded, relieved. He leaned in to kiss the taller boy out of gratitude, and was received with warm welcome from Connor's lips.

"Mhm, as much as I really fuckin wanna see where that would have gone, you need to sleep, babe." He said gently, noting the dark circles under Evan's eyes.  "No late night studying, okay?" Evan frowned.

"B-but I tell you to sleep all th-the time, and you never l-listen!" He sighed in exasperation. Connor smirked.

"Yeah, but when I don't sleep, I also don't go into a daze in 3rd period English and use my boyfriend as a pillow on the way home like you do." He laughed. Evan cringed.

"Fair enough. But y-you, you should sleep if I have to." He looked up at his boyfriend pleadingly, until Connor sighed and gave in.

"Ugh. Fine, I'll go to sleep tonight, but you are absolutely not touching a book until we're at school. Got it?" 

"Got it. I love you, Con. Tha-thanks for, for taking care of me." He said quietly. Connor only responded with a wink and a kiss on the cheek before stealing out of the window and into the warmth of the May night.

That night, Connor sucked it up and took one of the sleeping pills he had for his insomnia. He didn't like taking the pills, but Evan had made him promise.

 

So there they were, at the supposed study group, each of them uncomfortable for various reasons. Connor and Jared shook hands and exchanged a look that mainly said, 'this is expressly for Evan only and I couldn't give a shit about you if I tried,' before trying to focus on the work, semi successfully. Both Connor and Jared really did try to keep Evan comfortable and focused while he worked, while each of them shirked their own studies in the process. 

They were sitting on the floor of the empty classroom, Evan sitting between Connor's legs while Jared showed him flash cards. When Evan stopped being able to define terms, they took a water break before he started to worry. The rest of the hour was similarly spent, leaving Evan feeling calmer and Connor and Jared feeling exhausted but somewhat satisfied. The two taller boys shook hands once more, exchanging another look, this one reading like 'you're terrible but if he cares about you then I suppose I can tolerate you.'

Jared texted Evan later that afternoon.

**Me: hansen you sure you're alright? youve seemed kinda on edge lately.**

**Ev: Oh! Haha yeah just finals aren't boding so well for me and I'm just doing my best.**

**Me: that sucks m8**.

**Me: well I guess I'll see you at the study group tomorrow?**

**Ev: Yeah, definitely! That whole thing improved my life a lot.**

**Me: well that's always what the conman and i are going for. bye Hansen.**

**Ev: Um, okay? Bye haha.**

Jared felt better that Evan was okay, but was still cursing himself for telling Evan that. God, he was such a fucking loser. Pulling shit like that was probably why Evan didn't want him. Oh, well. At least he was happy? At least Murphy was there to be better than Jared at everything. At least Connor was always going to be there to wipe Evan's tears when Jared couldn't, to be superb at it all even though he was still supposed to be the emo druggie outsider that Jared could laugh at.

Jared sometimes wished Connor hadn't gotten his memory back.


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Road trip- part 2! Moving in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Sorry I missed our one month anniversary, I needed a couple of days to take care of myself and didn't have the energy to write. Also, yes, they're all living in an apartment together! The friends- more like family dynamic fits this group very well, I think.

Heidi Hansen was crying on the couch. Evan awkwardly comforted her, unsure of what to say. It wasn't as if this was unprecedented. Today was the day Evan was moving out, heading to New York with the Murphy siblings, Alana, and Jared. Heidi couldn't take off work and school long enough to drop him off in New York, hence the teary goodbyes at the Hansen house. 

"M-Mom, it's okay. I'll ca-call you as often as, as you need me to." He patted her back, and Heidi wiped at her eyes, trying to stay strong. 

"I know. I know. Just... my baby is growing up! You're so mature, and so tall now," her eyes pricked with tears again so she moved on. "Call me when you get to your apartment, mmkay?" She kissed his cheek, eliciting an embarrassed groan from Evan. Heidi turned to Connor, who was standing in the doorframe.

"Cmere, you," she said to the tall boy, who gratefully accepted a hug. "Take care of him," she whispered as they embraced. He nodded. With one final crushing hug to Evan, they finally made their way out of the nest to Jared's van with the shitty paint job. Evan waved goodbye to the house.

Evans house had been the last stop before they made their way to the greatest city in the world. Connor and Zoe had already wallowed through the gruff goodbyes of Larry and the sobbing ones of Cynthia. Alana had sat, nodding along during the long lecture of what her parents expected of her, what they wanted her to accomplish. Jared flipped off his house from the van, with a face that said he didn't want to talk about it. 

Alana cried in hour three of the trip, mumbling something about community service projects. Zoe whispered that this was to be expected, that she'd handle it. She put Alana in her lap and told her that she was living up to everything, that no one was disappointed in her. That Zoe was proud of her. That it was okay to be scared of New York.

"High functioning anxiety," she said softly, after Alana had cried herself out and gone to sleep, "Is a total bitch." 

They played the synonym game and deserted island until they all started talking about how they were leaving everything behind. They listened to 80's pop hits until everyone but Jared fell asleep. They did an impression contest until they reached the New York State border. 

All in all, a pretty standard road trip. 

It was 9 am when they reached the rest of their lives.

So, the apartment was shitty. It was basically infested, had only one tiny bathroom, and had the worst air conditioning in Manhattan. But it was perfect for the five of them. 

They spent the sweltering June day unpacking, busting their asses putting creaky furniture from estate sales into the admittedly cramped space, and scrubbing the dingy subway tile in the kitchen, and putting cheap vinyl mattresses into cheaper bed frames.

This was the dream.

They ate the surprisingly good street gyros for dinner in lieu of real food, seeing as they had no idea how to budget their money yet. Finally, upon Evan's insistence, they stopped at a Walgreens to get cleaning supplies, towels, basic over the counter medicine, and a bunch of shit that all of them had forgotten to bring.

Of course, Jared tried to make a pyramid of shampoo bottles, and Zoe started doing double Dutch with Evan and Connor using the jump ropes in the toy isle. Of course, Alana danced the tango with Zoe in the cold medicine section, and everyone was laughing their asses off the whole time, because who could stop them? They were grown ups living in New York City, and that meant no one could stop Jared from turning cartwheels in the makeup section of the poorly lit Walgreens on the corner of two side streets. 

"Evan," Connor whispered, tickling his ear.

"What?" Evan turned over in bed to face him, smiling contently.

"We've got a future."

"Yeah... we do."


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared finally does what he's been considering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops.

Jared was regretting moving in with the four gayest people in New York City. Alana and Zoe weren't the problem, they were his friends, but seeing Evan and Connor together day in and day out was torture. 

"Asshole, I'll get you for that one!" Connor blew flour at Evan's face. He had sugar and flour in his hair, chocolate on his apron, and eggshells all over his clothes. Evan giggled and launched another gob of icing at his apron. Jared turned away from them in his chair, but it was harder to ignore them, as Evan was now shrieking.

"PFFT- NO-CONDONT TICKLE ME HAHH-IM PFFTHAHA IM DYING JARED HELP!" He gasped as Connor mercilessly poked and tickled his slightly pudgy form. Jared sighed and popped in his earbuds.

 

They were having a Burn Notice marathon at one am, and Jared could hear the soft whispers of Connor and Evan.

" 'M not sleepy, I gotta know what M-Michael does," 

"Acorn, you're gonna be such a handful if you don't get the sleep you need. Lemme take you to bed."

"Just one more?" 

"Okay. One more." 

Jared rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to Burn Notice.

 

He slept with headphones most nights, seeing as there were thin walls. The first few nights in New York, all he heard was these quiet, bitten off moans of Evan's, and later, the breathy pillow talk that could last for hours. 

 

"Okay, s-so, it's Shall We Dance? Step-step-step. Like a-a waltz- one, two, three. Here, no, Con, y-your hand goes here-" 

"Ev, are you trying to teach Connor Shall We Dance from the King and I? Because Murphy here definitely cannot." Jared snickered.

"H-he'll pick it up." 

"Not like that. Here, Murphy, this is how it's done. Ev, get over here." Evan cautious approached him. They took each other's arms quickly, jerkily. Jared began to sing.

"Shall we dance? On a bright cloud of music shall we fly? Shall we dance? Shall we then say goodnight and mean goodbye?" He dipped Evan, turned him, as they moved in perfect rhythm. Evan stumbled away awkwardly, clearly uncomfortable. 

"Mhm, y-yeah. Like that." 

 

It was going to kill Jared, this constant pain. He knew they slow danced to "To Make You Feel My Love" on Saturday nights. He knew Evan braided Connor's hair when either of them were upset. He knew Evan slept in Connor's oversized tee shirts. And it was killing him. 

Maybe it wouldn't hurt so much if they were just like every other couple. But these two completed each other, and Jared Kleinman knew it. They filled in empty spaces and healed each other's bruising skin. Evan was happy. 

Jared shouldn't have wanted to take that away. 

 

"You know why Connor really went for groceries, right, Evan?" Jared was sitting on the Formica countertop, swinging his legs unassumingly. Evan looked up from where he was making mac and cheese.

"B-because I need butter and milk because Zoe forgot to buy it yesterday?" He asked, quirking an eyebrow. 

"Oh, so you guys haven't had this discussion. Never mind, then." Jared shrugged. A beat. 

"What dis-discussion?" Evan turned his head, obviously intrigued. 

"Well, it's not really for me to say..."

"N-no, tell me. I wanna, I wanna hear."

"Well, okay... Basically, Con just happened to mention that he goes on errands when he needs to get away, from the- you know." Jared picked at the cuff of his shirt.

"No, I- I don't know." Evan's eyebrows were furrowed in concern, as he practically forgot about the pasta he was stirring. 

"You don't? I would've thought he'd have told you. He just said, you know, after the whole coma incident, he started noticing that you were- sort of, well, _needy_. So he just offers to do errands when he needs out. It's so strange, I really would have thought he'd have told you."


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Consequences of Jared's actions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me? Posting two chapters in a day? It's more likely than you'd think.

Evan's mouth was moving, but he wasn't making any sound. A shaky gasp escaped him. Evan promptly turned off the gas stove and sat down in the middle of the tiny kitchen. 

"No," he murmured, "no, no, no, no, he wouldn't say that. C-Con loves me, he al-always tells me I'm not- I'm not-" he put his head in his hands. Jared knelt down.

"Hey, it's okay, bud. You've always got me, right? I don't think you're needy," he said cheerfully, petting Evan's hair. Just then, the man himself burst through the doors, shouting jovially.

"DAIRY PRODUCTS, FOR MY ONE TRUE LOOOVE- What's wrong, baby?" Connor tried to kneel down next to Jared, but Evan stood up quickly, pushing them both away. 

"J-Just leave me be!" He cried out, rushing for his and Connor's room. Connor turned to Jared.

"What's going on?" He asked, gesturing to where muffled Evan sobs were echoing from.

Jared shook his head. "Dunno. I think he's just a little moody? Maybe you should go out for a bit so he can have some space." 

Connor frowned. "He never gets like this without a reason... well, maybe you're right. I'll just head to the park for a bit so he can cool off. I guess. Take care of him, would you, Kleinman?" Jared nodded sincerely.

"For sure! Just go out. I'll take care of him." 

 

Jared crept into Evan and Connor's room, where the former was holding on fiercely to the latter's hoodie. "Hey, bud," he said gently.

"Wh-where's Connor?" Evan asked, facedown on the bed. Jared sighed.

"Oh, Ev... he's gone out," he said, voice dripping with an apologetic tone. Evan hiccuped and sobbed once more.

Jared nodded. "I know, I know, let it out, buddy." He rubbed Evan's back, which just made him cry harder, because Connor always rubbed his back when he was upset. He gripped Connor's hoodie and let it out, like his friend was suggesting. 

 

Connor returned an hour later, worry creasing his handsome face. He tiptoed in to where Evan and Jared were. They were embracing tenderly as Evan cried. At first Connor was glad that Kleinman was taking care of his boyfriend, but then he heard what Evan was saying. 

"I- I j-j-just thought he lo-loved me, you know? A-a-and now what, I'm nee-needy? I'm a burden?" He buried his face into Jared's shoulder. Jared patted his back soothingly.

"I know. It sucks, bud. But it's what he said-" Connor stepped into the room.

"What, Jar? What did he say?"

 

Evan looked up from Jared's shoulder. "Con, Jared t-told me everything." 

"Everything? That's interesting, because I don't recall there being an everything that I told Jared about!" Connor put a hand on one hip. 

"D-don't lie, Connor. Jared told me a-a-about why you leave the house for errands," Evan sniffled. Jared's face was beet red. Connor frowned.

"Because there are errands to be done?" He asked, brow creasing.

"N-no, be- _because you wanna get away from the mess!"_ Evan shouted. Everything fell silent. "Be-because the needy, pathetic b-burden is too much for you..." Connor turned on Jared.

" _You!_ I thought we had gotten past this, but you, you tell the most important thing in my life I see him as a _burden_? How fucking _dare_ you?" Connor pulled Jared up by the collar. "Just- to- tear- us- apart?" He punctuated each word with a punch, gave his words sting as he slapped him.

Evan was breathing hard on the bed. "No, d-d-don't, please don't fight..." his words went unheard. Jared was hitting back now,  had flipped them around so that he had Connor by the collar. They were really going at it, kicking, elbowing each other, blood and bruising abound.

Zoe came rushing down the stairs. "What the fuck is- oh damn. Cut that out, assholes, stop it! Look at Evan!" When they didn't listen, she pulled Evan off the bed by the waist and dropped him off on the couch. She then went to work breaking up the fight, making her way in between the two. Connor was still coherent enough to realize that he didn't want to hit his sister, and he slowly stopped his barrage of punches. 

He was still seething, however. "Zoe, do you know what he did to Evan and I? This shitstain convinced fucking anxiety ridden Evan that I think he's needy or some shit! Evan- where is Evan?" He ran a hand through his hair, gesturing towards the bed.

"You scared the kid half to death with your fistfight, so I picked him up and took him to the living room. Jared, what the hell? Why would you do something like that?" Zoe asked. Jared wiped the blood dripping from his nose on his shirt but said nothing. Zoe rolled her eyes, looking very much like her brother when she did. 

"Jared, I don't have time to deal with you right now. I have a boyfriend to comfort." Connor brushed past the bleeding and dumbfounded Jared into the living room. Evan was hyperventilating on the couch, clearly not knowing that the fight was over. Connor stepped towards his shivering form.

"Evan. Sweetheart. It's me, I'm here. You need to breathe, Evan, okay? In for four, hold for seven, out for eight. C'mere. In, two, three, four, hold, two, three..." his gentle voice brought Evan back, the soft counting repairing his breathing. 

"Con?"

"Yeah, Evan, I'm here."

"Con, Jared was right." Evan turned away from Connor, but Connor just turned him back. 

"No, no, baby, Jared was so, so wrong. You aren't a burden, Evan, you complete me. I don't love anyone as much as I love you." 

"Then why..." Evan didn't finish. He didn't need to.

"I don't know why he would say something like that, Evan. I don't. But believe me, it isn't true. If anything, I'm the burden, making you deal with all my fights and assholery, hahah," he said, sighing. Evan sat up so fast he almost hit his head against Connor's.

"Nononono! You're n-not! You're everything to m-me, Con. Please don't think that, ever." His eyes were so wide and sincere and Connor almost laughed at how hypocritical it was of him to call himself a burden and then go into a frenzy at Connor doing the same. 

"Okay, but you can't think it either, alright? Evan smiled and they shook on it. 

"Now. Let's go talk to Jared."


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They talk to Jared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :))

"Absolutely not." 

The words were cold and definite as Connor said them. He removed the bag of frozen peas from his bruised and swollen eye, despite Evan's protests. 

It was an hour and a half after the fight. Alana was out for the evening, so it was just Evan, Jared, and the Murphy siblings in the living room. Jared sat across from Connor, clutching a bag of frozen okra against his jaw. Evan sat next to Zoe on the couch, who was protectively holding the post-panic boy and shooting glares at Jared and her brother.

"He lied to Evan and chipped my tooth. I think that covers it. I don't want him in the house." Connor crossed his arms, as if that settled it.

"To be fair, MCR, you were the one to intitiate the fighting," Jared said sourly, sinking back into his chair. 

"Yeah, about that," Zoe cut in, "Evan had a panic attack watching you fuckers bash each other's faces in, so never do anything like that again or I will personally toss both of your asses out of this apartment." Evan opened his mouth, presumably in defense of Jared and Connor, but Zoe pressed a finger to his lips. "Shh, they're assholes, they can defend themselves."

"Well, that wouldn't have happened if SOMEONE hadn't lied to Ev-" Connor started.

"Don't even start, Murphy, Mr. I'm-The-Best-Boyfriend-In-The-Damn-World Murphy-" Jared spat.

"Shut the fuck-" 

"Get out of my fa-"

"Bitchass!"

"Fuckwad!"

" _Stop it!_ " Evan shouted. The room went silent. "If- if- if the two of you ca-can't act like adults, wh-why, why are you living in New York p-pretending to, pretending to be?" He rubbed his temples. 

"Evan-" Connor began.

"We should pr-probably just go to bed, Connor. Please. We're a-all tired." 

"No, Evan, just one minute. Please. It was my fault." Evan turned to look at Jared.

"I... I lied to you because I couldn't stand seeing you happy with Connor and not me. I'm an asshole because of that, I know. Just don't get pissed at Connor because of this. It wasn't his fault." Jared out his head in his hands. "I just... you used to need me, Hansen. I was your only friend, a-and when I realized I was gay, I knew the only person I would ever want to be with was you. And I thought you felt the same way... but you're happy with Connor. I shouldn't have wanted to ch-change that. Seeing you two together- it's been killing me."

Evan stared at Jared for a long moment that he felt with all the force of a freight train. 

"Jar. Um. Thank you for telling me... I need a-a little space right now, I thi-think. I don't wanna kick you out. Let's just- shoot, I don't know. Ju-just, put a little distance between us? For a few days? I- I think that's wh-what I need, what I need right now." He leaned into Zoe, looking exhausted at having stood up for himself and at having said what he wanted. Jared nodded.

"Hahah, that's... fair. Night, Hansen." Jared slowly made his way to his bedroom door, shaking his head at no one but himself. _Such a fucking idiot,_ he said to himself. _How could you think of hurting him? Why did you do this to him?_

Jared lay in bed, pillow over his face, as though that would stop the parade of thoughts that trampled through his mind. _Idiot. Good for nothing. Unlovable. Asshole._

The thoughts weren't the worst part. Everyone had those voices in their heads sometimes. But the difference was that Jared knew they were right. Evan had every right to shut him out. Jared lied to him and beat up his boyfriend for the second time, for Christ's sake. 

Even still, he wished everything were different. 

 

"Did I do the right thing?" Evan asked, undoing the buttons on his polo. Connor looked over at him, finishing the task of shucking his skinny jeans. 

"The- the right thing?" 

"Y-yeah. Should I have said what I said? Ohgodiwasawfulohgodjaredhatesme-" Connor shook his head at him.

"Baby. It's okay to want space from people who hurt you. I know I've done my fair share of that, especially tonight, and I'm sorry." He pulled Evan's shirt off, kissing him softly. Evan returned the favor, before breaking away to get tee shirts to sleep in for the both of them. 

"Don't be sorry, Con, y-you're the best thing that's ever ha-happened to me. I mean it," he added fiercely, seeing Connor's look of doubt. "I'm in love with you." Connor's look of doubt melted into one of relief and adoration as he kissed the earnest look right off of Evan's face.

 

Later that night Evan was curled into Connor's arms, mind wandering. What if? What if they had never met? Would Evan had ended up with Jared, who made fun of him at every turn throughout their lives? He didn't think so, but who could say? He just pressed a kiss to the lips of the insomniac holding him and tried to stop wondering.


	36. 36(sorry not a chapter babes)

Hey babes! So, not a chapter. I’m sorry, I’m irresponsible, please feel free to leave hate lmao. But I need to ask you a question:

are y’all okay with the ship Sincerely Three? (Evan/Jared/Connor)

I ask because when I was drafting this story originally, sincerely 3 was not included. However, as I actually write out character dynamics and such, it seems to be going that way.

so tell me what you think! If you don’t want it, I don’t want it. But if y’all would enjoy, it would be relatively easy to make that happen.

Love you all very much.

Sincerely,

Your darling, devoted author :)

 


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor and Jared reach a truce, ft. Domestic Fluff™  
> (Also fight me I live and die for the headcanon that Zoe and Connor perceive Evan as way more innocent than he is)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! So of the responses I got, the answer was pretty overwhelming: y’all want some Sincerely 3 in your lives. So that’ll happen eventually, although it’ll be pretty gradual. I should also mention: this fic is ending within the next month. BUT! There will be a sequel. A more Sincerely 3 centric sequel. Don’t fret, lovelies, I’m always gonna supply you with cute kiddos. Love ya!

”I love you. J-just, no fighting while, while I’m gone, pl-please.” Evan kissed Connor quickly, waving to him as he stumbled out towards the busy street. Connor made sure he crossed the road safely before shutting the door. Jared looked up from his copy of  _Skellig._

 _“_ Where’s he off to?” He asked mildly, trying not to start a fight.

Connor sank down into the green armchair that smelled like cats and the perfume of its previous owner. “He’s doing a summer class about natural wildlife conservation. He’s really excited about it.” He smiled softly, picking up a magazine.

Jared chuckled. “So into trees,” he murmured. Connor looked up. 

“Okay I ask this objectively, and if you get near Evan I will still kick your ass, but that is cute, right? It’s adorable how much he loves the things.”

Jared nodded. “Right? He gets so excited while he talks about it, and his stutter goes away and stuff.” Connor put down the magazine. 

“Yes! Although,  that stutter...” Connor trailed off, smirking.

”It’s wonderful.” Jared said, closing his book. Connor smiled, leaning back in his chair. It was the first time in a while that they had had a conversation that was more than coldly civil. 

“Can we be real?” Connor asked quickly.

”If you insist,” Jared deadpanned.

”Normally, you and I hate each other. But generally speaking that’s because I’m dating Evan and you like him, right? Do we have any other reason?” Connor crossed his arms.

”Well, that and the October incident,” Jared winced.

”Already told you. I’m over it. Fights come and go,” Connor said flippantly, tucking a piece of hair behind his ear.

“I guess. Other than that, no, I guess we don’t, but you kind of piss me off in general.” Jared said, straightening his glasses.

”Ditto, buddy. If that’s the case, can we cut the hostility? It’s exhausting, actually.” Connor pinched the bridge of his nose, as to still a headache.

”Whatever. I am sorry about this whole thing, just so you know.”

”I’m sure you are. I don’t think you would have been sorry if that move had resulted in you ending up with Evan, but I know you regret it now, which is- whatever, it’s better, I guess.” Connor picked up the magazine again, letting Jared know the conversation was over. 

 

Alana was making real ramen for the group that night, not the instant crap they bought when rent was due. Connor had gotten off his afternoon shift at the New York Public Library early enough to pick Evan up from the Cooper Union so he didn’t have to ride the subway alone. They listened to music on the R train, the two exhausted men leaning on each other. They were met with loud laughter and the smell of the spices they could afford mingling.

”Zoe, I told you no ballet in the apartment! They give you a studio for this,” Alana said, doubled over in laughter at a distraught Zoe holding her foot in pain and staring at the coffee table, which was now missing a leg. Alana eventually gathered herself and told Jared to set the table, who grumbled but got up from the dingy little keyboard that was set up in the living room corner. 

Zoe still liked to say grace at the table, so they all joined hands so she could pray over the food. It didn’t go unnoticed that Connor and Jared had given up their mandatory distance at the table; rather, they sat next to each other, each looking only mildly disgusted at the proximity. Zoe raised an eyebrow at Alana, who shrugged. Perhaps a truce had been made.

After a few hours of mindlessly watching Orphan Black (in which Zoe covered Evan’s eyes and Connor covered Evan’s ears whenever something scary or risqué happened), Connor took Evan to bed so he could get an early start to class the next day. There wasn’t any rush in undressing. They had time. They talked about their days along the way, making each moment last.

”Con, ‘fink it’s really good you’re mabking friends wit Jared,” Evan mumbled around a toothbrush. Connor smiled, shrugging.

”I do it all for you, baby,” he said, letting his chestnut hair down from its tight bun. Evan rinsed his mouth out and stood on tiptoe to kiss him, but Connor’s hands pressed on his shoulders, putting him back down.

”Don’t you have an early class tomorrow, sweetheart?” He said, half joking, but Evan pulled him in by the waist.

”Just get me c-coffee instead,” he grinned, before fitting his lips to Connor’s.


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor gets lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey kids! So, one piece of news. I’m starting a one shot collection! Fluff, smut and angst from a bunch of DEH ships, as well as plenty of platonic one shots! It’s called All Of the Little Feelings and you should check it out!

“Hey, Evan.” Connor said, a little shaky over the phone.

”Hey, honey. Wh-where are you? Dinner’s a-almost done.” Evan said pleasantly.

”Yeah, about that- sweetheart, I’m a little held up at the moment.” Connor sighed, running a hand through his hair.

”...What’s g-going on, C-Connor?” Evan asked, caution creeping into his voice. “H-have you been arrested f-for, for smoking drugs ag-again?” 

Connor had to laugh at that one. “No, baby. Just-don’t get worried, okay? I’m kind of- kind of lost.” He winced, hating how his fear showed when he said it out loud. 

“Wh-what? What happened?” Evan gasped loudly enough that Alana, Zoe and Jared looked over. 

“I kinda- fell asleep and missed my stop on the subway and now I don’t really know how to get home from here,” Connor said, feeling like a little kid. 

“O-okay, Con. I’m gonna get you home, sweet boy. What st-street are you on now?” He asked, fear and gentleness mingling in his words. Connor told him. 

“I’d just look it up, b-but it’s not showing on my m-map. I’m in a really scary neighborhood, Evan,” Great, now Connor’s voice was cracking, stuttering, breaking.

”Con. Listen t-to me. I think I know where y-you are. Stay put, honey. I’m coming to g-get you, okay?” Evan tried to stay calm.

”Okay,” Connor sniffled. Oh God, was he really sniffling right now? What kind of a loser was he, Connor thought to himself.

 

An hour later Connor was still sitting on the sidewalk, semi-terrified as the sun was going down. He flinched at every noise, watched the passerby with wary eyes. He was going to have to find another way home, he decided. Just then, a shadow loomed over Connor. He slowly tilted his head up, almost not wanting to see whoever was about to rob him, or worse.

it was Evan.

He pulled Connor up quickly, drawing him into the world’s fiercest hug.

”C-Con, sunshine, I’m so s-sorry it took me so long to f-find you.” He pressed his face into Connor’s chest. Connor tried to laugh but it came out more like a sob. Evan took his hand tenderly, ready to lead him home. “It’s gonna b-be okay, Con, I’m h-here now.” Connor nodded and leaned into him. 

 

Back at home, the air was tense. Jared, Alana, and Zoe all sat on the couch together, not wanting to admit how nervous they were. 

Evan opened the door with one hand, the other wrapped around Connor’s waist. All of the other three teens turned quickly at the sound.

”Connor’s home,” Evan said, beaming from ear to ear. 

To everyone’s surprise, Jared was the first one to make it over so he could give Connor a hug. “I’m glad you weren’t mugged,” was all he said. Next came Alana and Zoe, with admonishments for being stupid enough to fall asleep on the subway as well as warm hugs and kisses on the cheek. But before the group could crowd the new celebrity any further, Evan raised a hand to push them away.

”He needs a sh-shower,” Evan said, “And he needs to g-go to sleep, probably.” Connor nodded, his wound up muscles and nerves finally relaxing enough for him to notice how tired he was. He gave Zoe one last hug and kiss before retreating.

 

Connor coughed. “Hey, uh, Ev?”

Evan stirred in his arms. “Hm?”

The taller boy cleared his throat. “If you don’t want to that’s fine, but uh- would, um, would it be okay if I was the little spoon tonight?” He asked awkwardly. Evan smiled up at him.

“S-sure, sweet boy. You’ve h-had a long day.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow sorry kids this isn’t very well written I apologize


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of course they both had to be scared of the fucking thunder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s some fluff!

Connor practically skipped home, purple umbrella in hand. He got off work early today, Evan didn’t have class, which meant they got to spend to whole evening together. It was rare that they got the apartment to themselves, what with so many people on different schedules. But tonight they had cheap liquor (bought with Connor’s awful fake ID) and Netflix, and they were going to have a normal, laid back date for the first time in a while.

He waltzed in the front door to see- Evan and Jared on the couch together. Great. 

“Jared,” he said, trying and mostly failing to remain calm, “don’t you have work today, dude?” He asked, tight lipped. Jared shrugged.

”We got off early because they said there’s gonna be severe storms later,” he said nonchalantly. “But dude, check it out. Evan’s had like, three beers and he’s basically wasted,” he snickered, gesturing at Evan, who was kind of noodling around on the couch and giggling.

”That’s because Evan hasn’t had a drink before, dumbass,” Connor berated. “And you got into my liquor, which is just great.”

”Hey, don’t blame it on me! Evan basically told me he was some kind of booze hound...” Jared faltered, realizing now how ridiculous that was.

”Yeah. He was lying. He does that when he’s nervous. We had planned on him having like half a beer tonight just to try it.” Connor put his hair up in a bun and made his way over to Evan, who was laughing at the ceiling. “Evan. Sweetheart. It’s Connor.” Evan immediately sat up.

”Con? Ohmygoshconivemissedyousomuch! You were, l-like, gone all dayyy...” Evan said, hiccuping, burying his face in Connor’s shirt. Connor smiled, vaguely amused. 

“Yeah, baby. I had work today, remember?” He asked, brushing Evan’s hair back from his forehead.

”Workin’ man... that’s hot,” Evan giggled. Connor raised his eyebrows in surprise. “But Con. Connor. L-listen. Ha-have I ever told you that I loooove you?” He asked, eyes going out of focus slightly. Connor shoved Jared out of the way so he and Evan could sit on the couch.

”As a matter of fact, you have, Ev. I love you too.” He smiled as Evan awkwardly scooted back to sit on Connor’s lap. So, drunk Evan was very affectionate, apparently.

”Th-that’s... the nicest thing a-anyone’s ever s-said to meee...” Evan said, tearing up a little and leaning into Connor. Jared looked on in vague resignation, expression blank.

”B-but Connor. Listen. You have the prettiest hair ever. Ha-have you con-considered that?” Evan inquired earnestly. Connor stifled a laugh. “And like... your jawline. Y-you, you could cut gla-glass with your jawline. I b-bet you didn’t think of that, huh, Connor?” He continued to ramble.

Connor turned to Jared. “Thank you,” he chuckled, kissing Evan on the cheek as he waxed poetic about Connor’s eyes. Jared shrugged.

”I guess you have Evan to thank,” He replied. “He’s the one who somehow convinced me he wasn’t a lightwe-“ a crash of thunder interrupted his words. Immediately, Evan grabbed onto Connor’s shirt, shuddering. Connor knew Evan was kind of unsettled by thunder, but drunk Evan was letting him know it was more than that. Jared’s reaction was subtler. He gripped the arms of the green chair tightly, digging his fingers into the material. 

Evan had pressed himself against Connor’s chest at this point, shaking like a leaf, mumbling something unintelligible. Connor just held him, unsure of what else he could do. 

“It’s gonna be okay, sweetheart,” he murmured, “it’s just noise, it can’t hurt you. I won’t let it.” Out of the corner of his eye, he thought he saw Jared- no. It couldn’t be. It almost looked like Jared was shaking just like his baby was, which surely couldn’t be true of renowned asshole Jared Kleinman. And yet, the longer he looked, the more it seemed to be that way.

”Scared, Kleinman?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. Jared crossed his arms, a fine stormy picture created with his sullen look and the rain against the windows. 

“No,” he said, more confidently than he felt. “Are you?” 

“Not particularly,” Connor replied, continuing to run his hands up and down Evan’s shivering form. “But it’s interesting, because it really seems like you’re shaking over there.” 

“I’m, uh- I’m cold!” Jared declared, triumphant that he had thought of something believable. Connor smiled slightly, letting one dimple show.

”Really? Get a blanket then.” Connor knew this gig. It was just like the times when Evan refused to say what was bothering him or be helped. You had to coax them into doing whatever was best for them, and Connor figured a blanket couldn’t hurt if he was scared of thunder, comfort wise. Jared complied, retrieving one for Evan as well. 

“I bet some hot tea wouldn’t be bad if you’re cold, right?” Connor asked, straightening the blanket he had over Evan. Jared shrugged and nodded.

 

When Zoe got home from work, she was met with a strangely heartwarming sight: Connor held Evan in his arms, and Jared drooled on his shoulder. Both were wrapped in blankets. Both had earmuffs on. Both were asleep, but Connor remained upright, scrolling through his phone and checking every now and then to make sure Evan wasn’t dead. (He might have checked Jared once or twice, but that’s Connor’s secret.)


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan’s not great at this whole “self care” thing.  
> Headcanon that the group is SERIOUS AS HELL about self care and mental health days and violating their code of honor is a big nono with them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof I’m tired y’all.

“You gonna be okay without me for a few hours, lovebug?” Connor asked, brushing Evan’s hair back from his forehead where he lay on the bed. “Shit, no, something’ll happen, I should just stay-“ Evan grinned up at him.

”Con. I’ll be fine. I’ve be-been home alone before, silly goose. Besides, Jared and Zoe will, will bring me lunch a-and check up on me and stuff.” Evan pecked him on the lips. He’d been working overtime in classes, and the group collectively had finally convinced him to take a mental health day after a month of coaxing. Connor was incredibly guilty that he couldn’t stay and take care of him, but Evan insisted that he would be fine.

”Okay. Be nice to yourself today, would you? No doing homework. I’ll see you at four, sweetheart. I love you,” he cooed. Evan pecked him on the cheek.

”Love you too,” he replied contently.

”CONNOR!” Zoe bellowed from the front door.

”THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?” Connor shouted back.

”Con, quit making out with your boyfriend and get your bitter ass out here. We need to go.” Jared sang out from nearby.

”Fuck you too, Kleinman,” Connor replied jovially. “I’m glad you’re taking a mental health day, sunshine,” Connor continued, this time in a much sweeter tone, “It’s such a big step. I have to go, but I love you so much, baby-“ He was cut off by more bitching from the front door. “Assholes,” he muttered, kissing Evan on the nose before making his way out, yelling strings of profanity to Jared, Zoe and Alana.

Evan smiled to himself. 

After a couple of hours of watching YouTube and taking a bath with the one bathbomb that was safe from Jared’s terrifying teeth, Evan felt relatively refreshed. He had time to re-read his copy of the Phantom Tollbooth, his favorite novel as a kid. He kind of wished he were allowed to read his _textbook_ , but it appeared that that was out of the question. 

By the time noon rolled around, Evan was getting agitated. He really needed to work on his essay and read more about ecologically friendly alternatives to wood paper, but _no_ , he needed a “mental health day.” Ugh.

 

Jared should’ve known Evan couldn’t keep his resolve.  He and Zoe crept into the apartment, quietly in case he was asleep, to see the man himself sitting on the couch, surrounded by his books and papers. Zoe gasped, causing Evan to look up in surprise.

”I-I-I-It’s not wh-what you think!” He wheezed, desperately trying to cover up his papers. “I-I-I’m printing out directions? On s-self care yoga?” His lie was weak and they all knew it. Jared snatched up his laptop and Zoe grabbed several of his pages of detailed notes in disgust and exasperation.

Once all of the schoolwork was put away, Zoe and Jared sat on either side of him on the couch, holding him down as he feebly tried to get to his textbooks and essays. Jared texted Connor and Zoe texted Alana what was going on, both of whom replied in frustration and promises to be over soon. Their shifts were pretty much over anyway.

Jared and Zoe had wrapped their arms around Evan, making little unintentional pity noises and coos at their sad, overachieving friend. 

“I-I-I just have w-w-work to do,” Evan said sadly, resting his head on Jared’s shoulder. Jared nodded.

”But not on a mental health day, small fry! Like what the fresh hell, kid?” Jared chuckled.

”Yeah, Evan, babe, you gotta treat yourself better. You’re gonna work yourself to death,” Zoe added, tousling his hair. Just then, the door cane unlocked, and Connor and Alana rushed in.

”Con! ‘Lana! Help me, th-they won’t let me have my papers!” Evan exclaimed, hoping they would take his side. They didn’t. 

“Evan, I admire your dedication to your work, but really? Even I know to give myself breaks. Look. Your eyes are severely bloodshot and there are bags underneath them,” Alana said, worrying a piece o hair between her fingers. 

“I knew I should’ve stayed home today,” was all Connor said as he pushed Zoe off of the couch so that Evan could get on his lap while they watched Remington Steele. 

Alana and Zoe eventually went to bed, leaving Evan, Connor and Jared on the couch, looking at a blank television screen. Jared looked over at Evan.

”Evan, are you familiar with self care?” He asked, chewing on his thumbnail.

”Sort of, I guess, b-but I don’t really need it. I g-get along just fine.” Evan replied.

”Evan? You almost had a nervous breakdown last week trying to go to class on two hours of sleep a night. I wouldn’t call that just fine.” Connor said, tucking his chestnut hair behind his ear. Evan hunched his shoulders slightly, looking sullen. 

“I’m j-just doing my, my best.” He said, staring at his feet. 

“Pushing yourself past your limit isn’t your best, Ev.” Jared said. Connor smirked.

”That’s what I was gonna say,” he murmured, rubbing at the nape of Evan’s neck. 

“Point being. Ev, we’re here to help you be kinder to yourself, because it’s kind of painful to see you this way, kid.” Jared continued.

”So for starters, sweetheart, if you take a mental health day, that’s what it has to be about. Can you do that for me? For-us, I guess?” Connor asked, carding his hand through the back of Evan’s hair.

”I-I-I can t-try,” Evan said, feeling smaller than ever, but trying to smile.

 


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A collection of short little pieces about the three bros getting closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So funnily enough, I’ve been getting like, a LOT of people who have emailed me recently saying they aren’t liking the story because the events aren’t real enough, and that’s kinda confusing because a lot of events in this story are based off of real events?? Lol like the passing out from the cold on your crushes couch? I did that lol. Sorry this was a tangent. Enjoy!

Evan tucked the sheets of his and Connor’s bed up around his chest, panting slightly. The air, which had minutes ago seemed so humid and warm, was now cool against his body. Luckily, Connor was there, and Connor was always good at keeping him warm. Connor grabbed the comforter off of the floor where it had been discarded earlier. He pulled it over his shivering boyfriend, in addition to pulling him in like a lifeline, bare skin against skin. 

It was dark, but it was never quiet. Even at one am, they could hear cars moving swiftly through the streets, bathed in colorful light from the clubs that never seemed to close. 

It was just Evan, Connor, and the sound of life careening through the darkness of that dewy August night. 

Until they heard a muffled shriek from the room next to theirs. Evan sat up immediately, eyes wide. Connor soon followed suit, damp hair stringing out slightly from his tight (and necessary, for all of their antics) bun. But before they could get out of bed, Jared, the shrieker in question, was already at the doorway, looking much younger, all pale and closed in on himself. 

Moving to cover himself more with the blanket, Evan furrowed his brow. “Wh-what’s going on, J-Jared?” He asked, voice trembling more than he would have liked. Jared sighed.

”I- never mind, I should’ve known you guys would be-“ he gestured vaguely and made his way away from the doorframe. Connor reached out to stop him with one hand.

”Jared. Why the fuck were you screaming? ...Is everything okay?” His voice was scratchy and half hearted.

Jared but his lip and mumbled something. At urging to speak up, he repeated himself. “I... Christ. I had a nightmare is all. I’m gonna go.” This time, both reached out to stop him.  Evan turned to Connor quickly.

”Can we...” He asked a silent question. Connor rolled his eyes and nodded. Evan smiled brightly and turned back to Jared. “Jar, t-turn around so we can g-get dressed.” Jar tilted his head in confusion but complied as Connor and Evan got up to put on t shirts and shorts quickly.

”O-okay, turn back now. We’re going out to eat.” Evan said, beaming. 

“Hansen, no objections and no offense, but why?” Jared said, wanting to know where this was going. Evan looked over at Connor, taking his hand, silently urging him to tell Jared a story.

”Before New York, Ev here used to get nightmares sometimes. And he and I started doing this thing where whenever he had a nightmare, he’d call me and I’d take him out to eat, usually just a milkshake or something, and put him back to bed. Evan... and I want to do the same for you.” Connor said, offering a half grin.

”Nah, I mean no. I- I couldn’t. I don’t want to barge in on your couples tradition.” He coughed awkwardly, feeling very much at sea.

”Yeah, well. Your annoying ass is worth it, Kleinman,” he mumbled, and both Evan and Connor noted subconsciously the way Jared’s face flushed and lit up a little when given a compliment, even a begrudgingly given one. Seeing that they seemed fairly intent on getting him food, Jared just grabbed a pair of shoes and made his way towards the door. 

 

An hour later, the three boys were making their way back into the apartment as quietly as possible, so as not to wake up the girls. 

“Guys. I can just go back to bed,” Jared laughed as Evan and Connor lead him back to his room.

”shhh it’s part o-of the ritual,” Evan whispered. They brought him to his bed, put the covers over him, and flipped off all of the monsters and nightmares who might be out to get Jared (Connor did that last part). Evan gave him a small wave from the door, realizing that he didn’t look like such a dick when he was tucked into bed, waving softly back at his friend.

 

 

“P-please?” Evan asked, reaching for his notebook. Jared shook his head. 

“You promised. It’s Saturday, so you need to give yourself a break until six tonight.” Evan frowned.

”Three hours, Jar? I have work to do!” 

“So you’ll do your work after the Con-man gets home. Till then, you, me, and Lana are gonna watch Raising Arizona. It’s the whole reason I say, ‘son, ya got a panty on yer head,’” dude. I owe Raising Arizona my life,” Jared gushed, switching on the tv. Evan leaned on him.

 

“What, you want me to paint yours too, Kleinman?” Connor asked, half a joke, half a challenge. Jared extended his hands, sealing his doom. Connor shrugged. “What color do you want?” 

“Purple, obviously,” Jared said, gesturing to his purple shirt. Connor grinned.

”I like it. French tips?” Connor asked, selecting a bottle of plum nail polish from his box. Jared cocked his head in mock disgust.

”Do I look like a girl in 2013, Murphy?”

”Well, now that you mention it...” Connor smirked.

”Asshole,” Jared muttered as Connor started in on the first nail. 

 

Evan squinted at himself in the mirror. He looked presentable, he guessed. It was better than he thought a crop top was going to look on him, but he still felt like hiding his soft stomach. He shouldn’t have worn makeup, either. Shit.

Jared rushed into the bedroom. “Hey, are we out of b- holy shit...” Jared trailed off. Evan sank down onto the bed.

”Is it r-r-really th-that bad?” He squeaked. Jared shook himself out of his awestruck stupor. 

“CONNOR!”

”WHAT?”

”EVAN- CROPTOP- MASCARA- FUCKING HELP-“ Jared screeched. Evan wrapped his arms around himself as Connor dashed in.

”Hey. Hey. Cut that out. Lemme see, bud.” Connor said, gently prying Evan’s arms away from his body. His eyes grew wide.

”S-see? I look h-horrible,”  Evan said softly, voice breaking.  Connor shook his head slowly.

”Baby, you’re breathtaking in that. I mean it,” he commented quietly, running his hands up and down Evan’s slightly chubby sides. Jared, having caught his breath, moved towards Evan and Connor, equally bewildered. 

“Yeah, Ev. You look like a million bucks,” Jared agreed, earning a soft glare from Connor and a hint of a blush from Evan. He opened his arms slightly and both boys hugged him, and everything was alright.


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They’ve got it bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey kids! Here’s a short piece of pining everyone!  
> (Also, yes, the girls will have bigger parts soon but I’ve been focusing on building the relationship between the boys)

“Con? There’s orange juice a-and toast in here if you want it, it’s al-almost time for work,” Evan called from the kitchen. He was beginning to get nervous. Connor was usually an early riser, why wasn’t he at breakfast with the rest of the family? Evan picked at the toast and fried eggs Alana had made him for a while before deciding enough was enough. 

He gingerly opened the bedroom door to see Connor, still in bed. He was staring blankly at the ceiling, scratching his wrist absently. Upon further inspection, his nails were bitten far beyond the quick and bleeding. Connor didn’t seem to be very aware of this, his mouth folded in a thin, tired line.

Connor just got like this sometimes. He didn’t take meds, hadn’t since sophomore year, and while the presence of his friends and boyfriend usually kept him in check and feeling okay, they couldn’t solve everything with their own existence. 

Evan sat next to his boyfriend on the bed. “Con, honey,” he said gently, stirring him from his stupor. “Can I- can I touch you? Is that okay?” He got a stiff nod in response. Evan darted up to grab a glass of water and some band-aids from the bathroom, rushing back in to pry Connor’s hand off of his puffy, bleeding wrist. He bandaged up Connor’s fingertips and wrist, kissing each tiny wound quickly.

Connor snatched his hands away as soon as he finished, seething slightly. Connor didn’t want to hurt Evan, but everything was so loud and painful, and feather light kisses on his fingers weren’t helping. He wanted to throw something but at the same time didn’t think he had the energy to lift his head. He wanted to scream at someone but mostly just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. 

“Just go the fuck away,” he settled on, even though he knew he needed Evan here, beside him. 

“Drink some water a-and I’ll go,” Evan said quietly, straightening the blanket. Connor didn’t move. 

“Con. I know I’m not the best a-at taking care of you at t-times like this, but I do know that you, you need to drink something. It’ll help w-with that headache.” Evan breathed, trying to be as quiet as he could, knowing Connor was having some kind of sensory overload along with a depressive episode.

Connor sighed and took a long gulp of water from the glass. Evan smiled. “Okay. I’ll leave you b-be for a w-while.” He started to retreat to the living room, but Connor reached an arm out for him, face scrunched in pain. Evan came back to him immediately, tightly holding the bandaged hand Connor extended. A few tears fell down Connor’s face, but mostly he just kept staring at the ceiling. 

After a few minutes Connor looked up at Evan and nodded slightly to the space next to him in bed. Evan smiled and crawled in beside him, rubbing gentle circles into his shoulder. 

Jared quietly crept into the bedroom. “Is Fall Out Boy okay?” He asked, genuinely concerned. Evan shrugged. “I- shit man, I’m sorry. Has he been staying hydrated?” He whispered, frowning down at Connor. Connor nodded. 

“This is gonna sound weird,” Connor croaked. “Jar- can you- er,” Connor gestured towards the other space mext to him. Jared cocked his head but complied, not touching him, but lying near enough to him. If he was being honest with himself, it wasn’t even that bad. Maybe even a little nice. Being there for a friend, that is. Evan breathed a sigh of something strange as he watched him.

They stayed like that for a long time, listening to each other’s breathing, slowly letting go of their worries. And God, it was awkward, but the longer they stayed, the more natural it felt, until it seemed that they had always been peacefully lying in a shitty queen sized bed in Manhattan.

Connor fell back asleep soon enough, but Evan and Jared didn’t leave his side. They could skip work and class for one day. 

 

Something strange was was happening to Connor, and he didn’t know what. Asking Jared to lie in bed with him? That was weird, even for depressive episode Connor. But the warm weight of Jared beside him, with Evan on the other side. The comfortable silence. The twinkle in Jared’s eyes as he watched him quietly. He liked it. And he absolutely hated that he liked it.  

 

Jared tried to tell himself that he didn’t like long hair. But he did. Heterochromia. He lied to himself, saying he barely noticed it. Soft hoodies that smelled like weed, leather, and citrus. Slightly crooked noses that had been broken twice. Long fingers with black nails. Ugh. What kind of fucked up loser freak was Jared, to be in- in _love_ with the two men who would never want him?

 

Evan was on the brink.  The fucking brink. He had a wonderful, perfect boyfriend who treated him well and loved him unconditionally, and who Evan loved back with all of his heart. So why, why, why was Evan wanting more? He was greedy. Or crazy. Or both. Oh god. Connor was dating a greedy, crazy narcissist who had it bad for Jared Kleinman, he thought.


	43. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They finally get together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! It’s finally here, sorry it took me so long. SIDE NOTE: Jared and Connor know they’re polyamorous, but Evan doesn’t. Enjoy some fluff before we hop on the train to angstville!

“So what the fuck is that supposed to mean, Evan?” Connor’s voice came out colder and harsher than he wanted.

”N-n-nothing! Ididntmeananything I-I’m sorry.” Evan’s voice was high and breathy with more than a note of panic. Connor softened.

”Shit, it’s okay, Ev, just tell me what’s going on, baby. You’ve been acting really weird.” He sighed, and patted the couch for Evan to sit next to him, and he complied, slightly warily.

”No, no, nonono y-you’ll just _hate_ m-me, C-C-Con _,”_ Evan whispered, rubbing his eyes, putting his head in his hands. Connor knew there weren’t a lot of things he could do for Evan when he got like this, but he’d acquired a few sure fire methods over the months. He pulled Evan into his lap.

”Listen, I’m sorry I snapped, sweetheart, I didn’t mean to scare you,” he said quietly, adding before Evan could start apologizing again, “It isn’t your fault. And Acorn, _nothing_ you could possibly say would make me hate you, okay? I will love you no matter what. Now tell me.”

Evan’s eyes were wet with tears, god, those big blue eyes, and Connor was starting to think he might have actually done something bad, because usually Connor’s lap made him spill whatever was on that adorable mind of his. 

“Y-y-you know I l-l-love you, ri-right?” Evan said shakily. Connor nodded, pressing a kiss to his temple. “W-well I do. I-I-I- I love you, love you a lot.” His breathing was quicker now than ever, and Connor folded his arms around the smaller boy. 

“I love you too, sweetheart. Go on.” Connor said, worry increasing.

Evan was full on sobbing now, unconsoled by Connor’s arms and warm hands because he was certain they would be off of him in a moment, pushing him out onto the street.

 _Why would Connor want you anyway? You’re just a selfish, greedy, self centered prick who doesn’t deserve him. Great job royally fucking things up like always_. “I- I- I- I th-think, I think I li-like J-J-“ he couldn’t bring himself to finish and collapsed in Connor’s arms, sobbing, chest heaving uncontrollably. Connor connected the dots.

”Oh, baby, baby, no, Evan, you’re just fine, everything is okay, you’re okay,” He soothed, running his hands up and down Evan’s shaking torso. Evan looked up at him.

”I-I am?” He asked, rubbing at his eyes, crying slowing down.

”Yes, sweetheart, you are. You’re just fine,” he said gently.

”B-but I’m so se-selfish, a-and you sh-should probably just k-kick me out now-“

”Evan, lovebug, do you know what polyamory is?” Connor inquired softly. Evan furrowed his brow in confusion.

”No?”

”Figures. Evan, sometimes people can love more than one person, and under the right circumstances, it doesn’t have to mean cheating. I think you’re just polyamorous, Ev. Which is a good thing, because I am too.” He drew circles with his thumbs on Evan’s hips. 

“You- you are?” Evan asked, drying his eyes. Connor nodded. 

“I just haven’t been in a relationship like that before, especially because I’ve been so in love with you, and I didn’t know what you would think of all of this. So you have a crush on Jared, huh?” He teased slightly. Evan laughed and looked at his feet.

”I- yeah, I guess so. What- what do I, um. What do I do?”

”Well, Hansen, today is your lucky day, because I’ve been harboring feelings for the insanely cool Jared Kleinman as well.” He said, offering a half-grin. Evan brightened.

”R-really? Tha-that’s great, Con! Thank you,” he whispered, leaning into Connor to be enfolded tighter in his arms. “Thank you thank you thank you.”

 

 

 

”You sure you wanna go through with this?” Connor asked. “I can just talk to him alone if you want-“

“Nonono I can do it! A-as long as you’re with me,” Evan said brightly, locking fingers with Connor. Connor smirked and allowed himself to be led out the door of the apartment. 

 

“So. What did Connor Murphy and Evan Hansen-Murphy want to see me in a swanky establishment such as this for?” Jared joked, gesturing around the tiny 50’s style diner/dive. 

“Jar! We’re not married-“

”Yet-“

”Not helping, Con. A-anyway. We- we sort of had a question f-for you?” Evan said it as a question. 

“Shoot,” Jared said, unconcerned. He took a swig of his milkshake.

”We- we wa-wanted, um, we wanted t-to know if you, um, if you...” Evan trailed off. Connor squeezed his hand.

”Kleinman. You polyam?” Connor asked flippantly. Evan looked up at him, grateful. 

“Shit, uh yeah, why?” Jared asked, trepidation slipping into his voice. 

“Why do you think, dipshit? We want a relationship. With you?” His last phrase was less confident than the others, but Jared didn’t seem to notice. He was too busy fucking blushing, which Connor was going to try to ban, because, Christ, between Evan and Jared blushes he was going to lose his damn mind.

”Yeah, uh, that’d be pretty fuckin’ sweet,” Jared said, eyes widening. Evan snapped him out of it.

”Are- are you sure? We- we don’t wanna pr-pressure you or anything-“

”Jesus, Evan, this is all I’ve wanted for like a month! Of course I’m fine with it,” Jared laughed. Evan hid his enormous grin with his hands. “I mean, I wouldn’t have expected falling for the Prince of Darkness himself,” he said, laughing at Connor’s glare, “But yes. Yeah, I wanna be with you losers. If that’s okay.”

”It is,” Connor said, reaching for his hand across the table. Evan took Jared’s other one, having a hard time believing that this was real.


	44. Chapter 44

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang goes to the pool, followed by a Fancy Dinner™

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Here’s my first attempt at writing Sincerely Three Fluff! Love ya.  
> (Also, yes, the gang is all in their Tony wear during the dinner part :D)

“D-do we have to?” Evan asked, wrapping his arms around himself. Jared rolled his eyes.

”Of course we do! You’ve gotten out of going swimming every other time and summer’s about to end! C’mon, get your trunks on,” He said, dragging Evan up from the couch. When he still looked hesitant, Jared added, “I’ll make Connor get you ice cream and you’ll get to see him and I shirtless,” he teased slightly. Evan blushed and went to the bedroom to get dressed.

Connor was grabbing beach towels from the cupboard in the bathroom when an Evan in swim trunks walked in to fix his hair. “Fuckin’ bubble butt, swear to god,” he muttered, folding the bright towels. Evan was already flustered, but he went off the charts when Connor grabbed his ass on his way out of the bathroom.

”Hey bitch,” Connor greeted Jared, kissing him on the forehead.

”Dickwad,” Jared replied, pulling him down for a real kiss. 

Zoe and Alana were in their swimsuits, Alana in a classy black one-piece whilst Zoe was in a pink bikini that had Alana a little more than distracted, as she barely paid attention to her checklist of swim supplies. But at last they were ready to trek the three blocks to the neighborhood pool in their suits and flip flops. 

“Con, you have to buy Evan ice cream,” Jared mentioned as they headed down the sweltering, busy street.

”Okay.” Con said, clasping hands with Evan.

”And me,” Jared added.

”Nope,” Connor said, just to get a rise out of Jared, who glared and begrudgingly took hold of Connor’s hand also. 

It was a hot day, but the pool wasn’t terribly crowded, allowing Evan to breathe a sigh of relief. They set up on the corner lounge chairs, laying out towels and their cooler. Evan made his way towards the pool, jolting slightly as his boyfriends pulled him back.

”Wh-what?”

”Ev. Your pale ass will burn if you stay out for more than like, fifteen minutes. Let us put some sunscreen on you,” Jared said, ruffling his hair and kissing his cheek. Connor nodded in agreement, leading Evan back to the lounge chair. “You too, Prince Charming. Let me at least do your back,” Jared added. 

So that’s how they ended up, Evan sitting in between Connor’s legs, allowing him to rub in the lotion up and down his arms and chest, while Jared spread the sunscreen over Connor’s back, massaging slightly. Connor finished by putting a little on Evan’s perpetually flushed cheeks and nose. 

As soon as they were dry, all three boys made their way to the edge of the pool. Without warning, a surprisingly strong Jared threw Evan into the pool. Connor, laughing his ass off, dove in to ‘save’ Evan, who was giggling and floundering in the deep end. Soon enough, Jared jumped in too, and they were all dunking and splashing each other, making Alana and Zoe laugh from their places on the lounge chairs. 

“Oh, no. You girls aren’t safe either,” Connor said, grinning and spitting out water. He tucked Evan under one arm and raced out to get Zoe while Jared went for Alana. The lifeguards were starting to glare at them so before they could blow their whistles, Connor and Jared tossed the girls and Evan into the water, causing a tidal wave in the Carmine public pool. 

 

“Oh, come on. We are not the first people to get kicked out of a public pool. It was Evan’s fault, anyway,” Jared teased as they trudged away thirty minutes later.

”I-It was not!”

”Oh, Jared. Look at my bubble butt and sparkling eyes, Jared. Let’s go make out immediately, Jar-“ Jared said in a high pitched, breathy voice to match Evan’s. 

“I d-didn’t say that!” Evan spluttered, eyes wide. Connor high fived Jared.

”I thought I was the only one who noticed! He _so_ has a bubble butt,” Connor said, too loudly for Evan’s liking. 

“W-well, It was Connor and Alana wh-who tried to raid the snack bar,” Evan giggled. Connor hip-bumped Alana, difficult to do while walking.

”Connor just told me you needed ice cream and he forgot his wallet, and that was all I needed to know,” Alana snorted, straightening the towel Zoe had wrapped around her girlfriend’s shoulders. 

“Okay but Zoe, for your safety and ours, _please_  never try to climb a lifeguard tower without using the ladder ever again,” Jared laughed at Zoe, whose face reddened.

”You dared me to do it!” She laughed, ponytail dripping onto the hot concrete as they walked. 

———

Later that evening

———

“Don’t chicken out on me, Jared, we’ve been saving up for months for this! I considered letting Evan get a job for this dinner,” Connor exclaimed, buttoning his shirt. He had a velvet suit he had kept in perfect condition since high school, but hadn’t had occasion to wear it. 

“Which, b-by the way, I d-don’t see why I ca-can’t do that. I-I-It’s not like we don’t need the money,” Evan said, frowning at himself in the mirror.

”Baby, I don’t want you having an anxiety attack from the stress of work _and_ school, and since you have to go to school, we cut out the other. We talked about this,” Connor replied, straightening his collar. “C’mere, Jar, will you tie my tie?” Jared nodded, making his way over to Connor, forming a loose bow out of the ribbon that served as a tie. 

“I didn’t know you looked good in a suit, babe,” Jared said, raising an eyebrow at Connor as he put on the suit jacket. Connor simply shrugged and ran a hand through his hair.

”Never doubt me,” Connor said, making his way over to Evan to fix his collar, which was buttoned wrong. Jared handed Evan his navy suit jacket and fixed his tie as Connor buttoned the jacket and pressed a kiss to his neck. Jared joined in, nibbling on and kissing the shell of Evan’s ear until he was just repeating syllables, unable to form coherent sentences. 

“I- I- uh, ah, Christ, J- Jared, ah, J-Jared doesn’t have his s-suit on!” Evan exclaimed, glad to have the attention off of him. Connor turned warmly to Jared and reached around him to get his blazer. He put it onto Jared while Evan straightened his bow tie and gave him a quick kiss to the lips. Connor followed suit, pecking Jared’s nose and cheeks before his lips.

The girls were waiting for them on the stairs up to their room. Alana had rented a tux that hugged her curves; meanwhile, Zoe wore a black dress with pink and white flowers that she had sewn herself. “To  Morimoto!” Zoe shouted, and they all headed to the streets. 

 

Dinner was perfect. They had been filling up the rainy day jar since June, renting cheap tuxes and using ones that never went to prom, or in Zoe’s case, making her own clothing to save money. And it was worth it. The hushed giggly conversation over sushi, the cheap champagne they drank, (because they may have been splurging but they were still poor) the hands on thighs and the whispering in ears.

Connor and Jared held the hands of an embarrassingly drunk Evan as they made their way home. Evan tried to talk to everyone they met in the subway tunnel, Zoe and Alana apologizing for him as they went from one station to the next. 

“Connor can sing b-better tha-than you,” he remarked snidely to a quartet in the station. “Connnnn, defend my honor! Sing somethinggg,” Evan said, noodling around in his boyfriends’ grip. Connor chuckled and made a drink tipping motion apologetically to the quartet.

”F-fine. But, um, you and J-Jared haaave to sing for me tonight, ‘kay?” He smiled brightly, swinging his hands. Jared smirked.

”Sure, small fry.” He chuckled.

”Whatever you want, baby.” Connor said.

”Anything for you,” they said softly in unison.

 


	45. 45

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not a chapter. A message to my readers.

Hey guys. I’m not gonna update tonight, I’m in kind of a bad place mentally. 

I feel sort of like a lot of people used to read this fic, but I’ve let you all down, sort of? My writing wasn’t good and it’s only gotten worse. I don’t give you guys the plot you deserve. 

I go from a shitty pseudo balance of fluff and angst to an absence of movement or flow whatsoever, and I’m sorry.

Everyones probably ooc, and I’m sorry about that too.

THAT SAID: I’m gonna write this story. It makes me happy and I love feedback, so I’m gonna write it. I just wanted you all to know how sorry I am.

Sincerely,

Your loving Author.


	46. Chapter 46

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One on one date day with Evan and Connor.  
> (I’m gonna do it for the rest of the boys don’t worry)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Sorry, it’s been a while, but your sweet comments seriously helped me out and I’m in a much better way right now. Here’s something one on one with the treebros bc I love u :)

“Yeah, no. Sorry, but we’d like our schedules changed,” Connor said to the woman at the front desk. It was almost the first day of fall semester, and Connor and Evan had come to the realization that they didn’t have any classes together. Evan, not wanting to make a scene or cause any trouble, tried to brush it off. They lived together, after all. But Connor wasn’t having it.

”May I ask your names, please?” The woman asked. Connor nodded.

”Connor Murphy. Evan Hansen. Evan has clinically diagnosed anxiety and things run better if I’m in his classes. I want us put in the same classes with the exception of our majors,” Connor said firmly. Evan looked up at him, praying that he wouldn’t cause a disturbance.

”Im sorry, that would require-“ the receptionist began.

”Don’t care. Same classes. I’ll do whatever paperwork you need me to, but yeah, this is final.” Connor kept a normal speaking tone for Evan’s sake, but the shorter boy cringed anyway and mouthed an apology to the woman. She sighed.

”Like I said. I’m sorry, but that’s not possible-“ 

“Lady. I. Do. Not. Care. Get this whole thing fixed before fall semester starts on Thursday, if you would.” Connor said, placing their schedules on the desk with a thump and led Evan out, holding his hand.

“That wa-wasn’t necessary, but it was re-really nice,” Evan said, switching from hanging on to Connor’s thumb to lacing their fingers together. Connor scoffed.

”I’m not nice, Hansen,” he said, half grinning. “So. What do you want to do today, my...” he searched for a ridiculous enough nickname. “Munchkin?” Evan snorted, swinging their hands together as they walked down the dingy sidewalk.

”They’ve got a, uh, a new bookstore at the Chelsea market if you wanna go,” Evan offered, “There’s a book I want you to read, a-and we can eat lunch over there,”

”Sure, Ev. What train?” 

 

So there they were, in the dimly lit Chelsea Market that always felt like it was underground. They ate at one of the little authentic Italian places there before heading on to the cozy bookstore. Evan browsed the fiction quietly while Connor looked longingly at the gel pens and notebook pads. Evan grinned and handed him the little sketchbook he kept in his bag to keep Connor’s hands busy, making Connor blush and thank him.

He settled into a cozy armchair, watching Evan as he looked for the book he wanted. Without thinking about it, the taller boy began to sketch him, dotting in freckles and blond curls. He parted Evan’s lips slightly, as Evan was mouthing the titles of the books to himself. Once he had the basic outline down, he stopped looking up. He knew Evan’s face by heart, had spent hours drawing him.

”A-are you drawing me like one of your French girls?” A teasing voice asked from above the armchair. Connor looked up sheepishly and handed him the sketchbook. 

“Fuck, uh, sorry.” He said, embarrassed. Evan just smiled and curled a piece of Connor’s hair around a finger.

”I-It’s beautiful. I d-didn’t know you knew how to draw me,” he said, color rising to his cheeks as he saw the details. “A-anyway. You should read this.” He handed Connor _A Tree Grows in Brooklyn._ Connor smirked at his boyfriend’s obsession with trees but nodded, agreeing to read it. They paid, hands around each other’s waists, grounding each other. 

 They had decided to walk home to avoid the dreaded subway, so of course it had to start to rain. Connor swore loudly, but Evan just took his hand and started humming “Singin’ In The Rain,” making Connor let up on his scowl a little. He tried to take off his jacket to give to Evan, who he was afraid would catch cold, but Evan (who feared the same for Connor) just gave him a look and continued to hum. 

Most everyone had left the streets in the storm, so Connor knew it would be alright to spin Evan and sing the lyrics. Evan giggled and sang a quiet harmony to him, lilting on the “What a glorious _feel_ ing,” before turning himself back into Connor’s warmth, while the cold raindrops splashed his face.

By the time they reached the apartment, Evan’s teeth were chattering and he was soaked, though he still refused to let Connor give up his jacket. The taller boy ushered him inside, grabbing some warmer clothes for Evan to change into. Evan tried to protest that he was fine, but Connor wouldn’t hear it. He boiled some water on the stove while Evan changed, pacing nervously.

”There you are,” Connor said, pulling off his jacket as Evan padded into the kitchen in Connor’s oversized pajamas.

”I'm okay, C-C-Con, r-really,” Evan sighed, leaning into his boyfriend. 

“Uh-uh. You’re practically frostbitten!” He cooed pityingly, making Evan laugh and roll his eyes. “Look. Your teeth are chattering, you’re already all flushed,” he continued, guiding Evan to sit on the couch. “It’ll make me feel better,” he finished, which was what won him over in the end to a round of cuddles and hot tea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I fricken love feedback y’all lemme know what you think


	47. Chapter 47

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared and Evan have a date :)  
> Also I found a piece of fan art that completely sums up the first 30-ish chapters of this fic http://pin.it/QR5bPMd

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kleinsennnnnn for my readers who I love and cherish

“He’s over his cold, then?” Jared murmured to Connor, standing outside the doorway to the living room, where Evan was doing homework and drinking tea. 

“He was probably fine in the first place. I mean, that night, we even...” he coughed and continued. “I just overreacted. Good luck on your date,” he said, darting back in to kiss Evan’s cheek and peck Jared on the forehead. “I’m out, homos! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” he grinned, dashing out the door for the late shift at the library.

Jared made his way into the living room.

”I seriously hope I’m not third wheeling your date with college calculus, Ev,” he teased, plucking the notebook out of Evan’s hands. Evan smiled sheepishly, standing up to kiss Jared. Jared tasted like strawberries and brandy, lips soft. Eventually, the shorter boy pulled away.

”S-so, what are we, ah, what d-did you have planned?” He asked, hands lingering on Jared’s hips.

”Well, initially I thought bowling, but we go bowling like, twice a week anyways, so... I can make you dinner, if that’s okay?” He asked, hopeful eyes partially obscured by his joking facade. Evan’s face broke into a grin.

”Y-yeah, of course, what are you making?” He asked. Jared leaned in closer, offering a sultry smile.

”Bathbombs,” he whispered. Seeing Evan’s look of disgusted confusion and exasperation, he burst out laughing. “I’m making chicken parmigiana, you dweeb,” He chortled, kissing Evan on the cheek. 

 

“Someone has to taste the marinara sauce for poison, and it ain’t gonna be me,” Jared said, spooning a bit of sauce from the pot to feed to Evan, whose eyes widened at the mouth watering taste, sucking the spoon clean. Jared winked. “Kleinman cooking magic,” he said in his best New York accent, making Evan cover his mouth while he giggled.

 

”Wh-what?” Evan asked Jared from the stove. Jared clicked his tongue and shook his head.

”First off, you have to wear an apron,” he said, already slipping one around Evan’s waist to tie it, “And second, you’re stirring the noodles all wrong,” he added.

”What? No I’m n-“

”Look,” Jared said, pressing himself into Evan’s back, “Stir just like this.” He took the shorter boy’s right hand in his and stirred, mimicking exactly what Evan had already been doing.

”I-if you wanted to be a k-koala bear, all you, all you had to do was ask,” Evan chuckled, allowing himself to be pressed into Jared’s chest. 

 

“Is- is it good?” Jared asked nervously, carefully observing Evan’s facial expressions as he chewed on the chicken. Evan smiled, closing his eyes, so he took it as a good sign.

”Mmmuhgod,” He said through a mouthful. “Jar, vis mmph so- so good,” he mumbled, eyes opening again. “Why don’t you e-ever cook for us?”

“Kleinman cooking magic is a secret weapon, Ev. I can only use it in the most desperate of times,” he said, as if it were obvious. Evan snorted and rolled his eyes, but continued eating.

 

”W-we are not-“

”Of course we are!”

”No way. N-no way am I, am I doing the spaghetti thing from Lady and the Tramp,” Evan said, laughing so hard tears were streaming down his cheeks. Jared gave him pouty eyes, and Evan sighed and puckered up. 

The rest of the dinner passed like that, time ticking by lazily as the blushing compliments and teasing sarcasm filled the passage. 

They slow danced to “Earth Angel” at midnight, and kept dancing to old love songs until Connor got back at one am. 

They didn’t even hear the door unlock, they were so lost in each other’s eyes.


	48. Chapter 48

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor and Jared have a date.

Jared peeked into the boys bedroom. Evan was snoring, a hot bath and melatonin having done its job. He sighed with relief, slipping on his jacket. Connor finished tying the laces on his boots, checked on Evan one last time, and made his way to the door, where Jared was waiting.

Zoe and Alana were equipped with chamomile tea, Xanax, Valium, and a slew of other remedies should Evan wake up and start to worry about his boyfriends, but Connor and Jared both still felt protective twinges of worry.

”Ready to go?” Jared asked, taking Connor’s arm. Connor nodded and smiled.

”So, where to, Prince Charming?” Jared asked. Connor rolled his eyes but kept holding Jared’s arm like an escort. 

“First off, froyo? I know you’ve been asking to have some for a while. And then, uh, there’s a cool place downtown, called 1984, it’s like half record store, half old school arcade, if you wanna go?” Connor asked. Jared allowed himself a pleased smile. 

“Never took you for a hipster nerd, babe,” he taunted, grinning. “But of course I wanna go, that sounds like the shit.” 

The 1984 place was quiet for a Friday night, just a couple of stoned guys and nerds flocking to their own corners. 

“So what do you wanna-“ Jared cut Connor off.

”Pull up a stool, I’m gonna kick your ass in Q-Bert,” Jared declared. Connor raised an eyebrow.

”If you say so, babe.”

 

”No, fuck you, you didn’t win, you little shit, you kept screwing me up!” Connor cried indignantly. Jared smirked.

”I don’t know what you’re talking about, I am the most candid of Donkey Kong players-mmph!” Connor cut Jared off with a kiss. 

“I totally would’ve won,” he whispered as he pulled away, making Jared burst out laughing so hard he almost fell off the stool.

 

”Wait, you don’t- you don’t know who the  white stripes are?” Connor asked incredulously, eyes wide. Jared shook his head.

”Oohhhh my god. Oh my gawd,” Connor muttered, shaking his head. “Fuck it, c’mere, I’m gonna play you Fell In Love With a Girl,” Connor said, pulling Jared in by the waist and grabbing the record. 

“Sounds straight,” Jared said skeptically, making Connor snort. 

 

“Holy shit,” Jared breathed.

”Told ya you would like it,” Connor said smugly. “I’ll buy you the album,” he said. Jared smiled, taking his hand. “If,” Connor continued, gripping his hand, “If you admit you cheated while we were playing Donkey Kong.”

”Maybe a little,” Jared conceded, rolling his eyes. 

“Fuckin’ knew it,” Connor muttered under his breath. 

 

“Hey Connor,” Jared whispered, nudging his boyfriend.

”What?” Connor smiled, not taking his eyes off of Galaga. Jared elbowed him.

”Are you a magician?”

”Oh noooo...” Connor groaned, realizing where this was going.

”Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears,” Jared finished, grinning like a little kid.

”Ugh...” Connor mumbled, cheeks red. 

“Hey Connor?” Jared asked again. Connor didn’t respond. “Did you sit in a pile of sugar?” He inquired. “Because you have a pretty sweet ass,” he whispered. Connor gave up on the game and hid him face in his hands, blushing furiously. 

“Hey Connor?” Jared asked one more time.

” _What_...”

”I love you.” Jared said quietly, resting his head on Connor’s shoulder.

”... I love you too,” Connor muttered, still bright red.

 

They walked home even though it was cold, arms wrapped around each other’s waists. 

“Is everything okay? It all went smoothly?” Connor whispered to Zoe. She nodded.

”He woke up around midnight and got freaked out, all worried about you two, but I gave him a Xanax and a back rub like you said and he went right back to sleep,” she explained proudly. Connor hugged her, thanking her for taking care of Evan. 

“Well, it’s like two thirty now, the meme lord and I probably need to go to bed too,” he mused, wrapping a lazy arm around Jared. Zoe nodded and went upstairs to Alana.

Evan woke up for a moment to see his boyfriends kissing quietly by the light of the unblinded window, moonlight casting stripes upon their skin. He smiled and went back to sleep.


	49. Chapter 49

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halloween, year two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is the last, my lovely friends! I love and care for you kids, babes, lovelies, etc. and i think we were a part of something really special. However, keep an eye out for a more Sincerely 3 centric fic by me! It’s gonna be a blast!!
> 
> Sincerely,  
> Your darling author who loves you very much :)

“Of course we have to watch horror movies tonight, it’s hallo-fucking-ween, Hansen,” Jared said, squishing Evan’s face with one hand. “And anyway, we’re not trick or treating, so what are we supposed to do?” 

Connor slid smoothly in, releasing Evan’s face from Jared’s grip. “He doesn’t have to, Jar, if it’s gonna scare him too much,” Connor said gently, unintentionally egging Evan to do the opposite. Connor didn’t need to know he was scared! Evan could be brave! He was eighteen now, should be able watch some horror movie.

”No, it’s, it’s fine! Let’s wa-watch some, um, scary stuff!” Evan said, smiling up at his two boyfriends. Connor gave him a strange look but eventually shrugged and went to the couch. The other boys soon followed.

Eventually, they settled down, Connor in the middle with Evan and Jared on either side. Jared, not bothering with any sort of buildup to the more scary stuff, immediately opted for a Saw movie. Connor looked back to Evan.

”You sure you’re okay with this? Saw is a  pretty intense movie, sweetheart,” he prodded, not wanting to scare his softer boyfriend. Evan nodded vigorously. Ignoring the seed of doubt that was rooting in his mind, he motioned for Jared to start the movie, wrapping his arms around both of his boys.

Jared and Connor, who were both avid lovers of Halloween and horror, didn’t notice Evan’s reactions at first, getting wrapped up in the movie. It was after around the first 45 minutes when they noticed Evan’s muted whimpering.

He was steeling himself to watch, but he was shaking and looked near tears. Immediately Connor pulled him over in between the two of them while Jared paused the movie. 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, we’ve got you,” Jared breathed, pulling Evan in towards him. Evan seemed to snap out of it, trying to shake off the warm embraces of his boyfriends. 

“I- uhm- I’m f-fine guys, go, um go ahead and play th-the movie,” he said in a squeaky, panicked voice, trying to keep his cool and failing. A tear fell down his cheek.

”Evan, baby. It’s okay to be scared.” Connor consoled, wiping the tear away with his thumb.

“N-no, no it isn’t actually, because I’m e-eighteen now? And I should, I should be able to deal with a 2004 horror m-movie, but. But I can’t, a-and I get if you guys don’t want me, want me around or leave me or-“ He was cut off by hard hugs from Jared and Connor both.

Jared kissed at Evan’s temple while Connor laced his fingers together with the smaller boy. 

“Don’t you ever say that. Don’t you ever say that,” Jared said, almost in tears. Being newer, he wasn’t used to Evan’s constant self doubt. Connor knew. He made a quick ‘hold on’ gesture. _Just watch_ , he mouthed. 

He pulled Evan onto his lap so that his back was flush against Connor’s chest. Wrapping strong arms around him, he began to whisper gently that Evan was loved, that Connor wasn’t going anywhere, that Jared wasn’t going anywhere. Within a few minutes and with some grounding exercises, Evan’s breathing was back to normal and he sank into Connor’s touch, tearful but tranquil. 

“Here, put on the Goonies or the Nightmare before Christmas or something,” Connor said quietly, tucking Evan’s head under his chin. Jared, mesmerized at Connor’s “Evan-whisperer” skills, simply nodded and switched the movie, eyes wide.

It turned out to be another good Halloween, watching the “spooky” kids movies and handing out/eating candy. Jared was actually really good with the kids who came to the door.

”Aw man, you’re a princess? That’s neat, I wish I looked as cool as you,” he said to one little girl, giving her a handful of chocolate.

”Holy crap! Connor, Evan! Captain America’s at the door!” He shouted, feigning shock. “Mr. America, I’m such a huge fan, here, take a giant pixie stick!” 

A three year old girl in a homemade Tinker Bell costume attached herself to Jared’s leg. Glaring at the parents who were anxiously trying to pull her away, along with their older daughter in Luke Skywalker gear, Jared picked the toddler up and bounced her for a bit. He put a handful of suckers in her little pillowcase, high-fived the Jedi, and sent them on their way.

 

Connor and Evan preferred to stay on the couch, splitting Kit Kats and giggling at their childhood movies. Connor would poke his tummy every so often to elicit a giggle, just to make sure he was still okay. When he had received enough blushing little laughs and fed Evan enough Kit Kats to put any boy back in good health, Connor let them sink into the couch so as to let Evan get drowsy.

He wouldn’t admit it, but it was getting to take care of Evan that made their relationship special. With Connor and Jared, it was heavy competition and loving insults, loud jokes and battling for control. With Evan, they just... took care of each other. Calming him down after a panic attack. Evan’s nervous calls just to make sure he was okay. He loved it.

Soon, Evan was practically melted into Connor, half asleep and mumbling. Jared had joined them back on the couch at some point, and lay on Connor’s shoulder. Eventually realizing his body would go numb if they stayed like this for much longer, Connor gently lifted Evan off of him and put him on the spot on the couch next to him.

“Stay here,” he murmured, before turning to Jared. He lifted Jared up bridal style, smirking at how much it was going to piss him off.

”Hey, Con-man,” Jared yawned.

”Hm?” Connor replied, laying him out on the bed.

”How come you’re so good with Ev, huh?”  Jared asked, sitting up slowly. 

“Because I’ve been dating him for longer, dipshit. You’ll get better at it really fast,” Connor replied from the bathroom, already finished gargling mouthwash. Jared nodded and pulled off his shirt.

Connor crept back into the living room to get Evan. “Hey, cutie,” he grinned, picking him up. It wasn’t that his boyfriends couldn’t walk, Connor was just appalled by the idea of his boys walking when sick or tired. Evan smiled, wrapping his arms around Connor’s neck for support.  

“Guess what?” Connor asked. When Evan opened his eyes, Connor kissed his nose. “I love you.” 

Evan started to say it back, but was cut off by Jared shouting, “GAY!” Connor turned.m

”Jealous, Kleinman?” He asked wickedly, before peppering Evan’s face with kisses. 

“Yes, actually,” Jared replied, snatching Evan out of Connor’s arms playfully. A game of keep away ensued, with plenty of analogies to Evan being a damsel in distress.

Evan, who was getting dizzy, exclaimed, “Oh, just kiss already,” and went to brush his teeth. 

Yeah. It was a good Halloween.


	50. Chapter 50- the End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas, year two. (AKA the end!!)
> 
> EDIT: If you are reading this right now, there is a sequel available to this fic. Exciting, right? Go read it!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! What a ride. It goes without saying that I love you all and hope to see you in the next adventure of the crazy kids. We’ve been through highs, lows, fights, fluff, memory loss, and plenty of lovely little strange tales. Thank you for reading my shitty but lovable writing I’ve been pouring my heart into. Thank you. 
> 
> Sincerely,  
> Your dear author. See you soon.

“C’mon, Connor, race me!” He heard Jared calling from up the street. He sighed and muttered, “dipshit,” but let a smirk spread across his face as he ran to catch up. 

——

It was December now, five months after they had started dating. They still didn’t have the money for therapy but things were okay in New York. Sure, Evan still panicked every now and then, Connor could be an “apathetic depressed asshole,” as he put it, and Jared was still insensitive and insecure every now and then, but they were making it. 

——

“Evan, your nose and cheeks are so fucking red right now I can’t believe it,” Jared laughed, wrapping Evan’s wool scarf tighter around his cold neck and face. Evan’s mouth was no longer visible but his eyes crinkled in a smile. 

Connor grinned mischievously. “You know why I’m glad it’s scarf weather now, Jar?” He asked. 

“Why?” Jared replied, lacing fingers with the taller boy. 

“Evan doesn’t worry anymore about people seeing his hickies,” Connor disclosed, laughing at the way Evan slapped his arm and started mumbling incoherently. He did tug the wool a little tighter, though.

——

Alana was in the top of her classes at Cornell, but Zoe kept her sane, making sure she didn’t overwhelm herself. She put sticky notes all around the apartment reminding her gentle girlfriend to take a break, have a glass of water, go to sleep. 

Zoe, in turn, excelled with her music more than ever and was working on her first album. She didn’t know if she would ever get publicity, and she didn’t care. The gentle thrum of her guitar or ukulele was often heard with a hushed, lilting voice from the upstairs bedroom. Alana smiled every time she heard it.

——

“Zoe! Don’t make me late, it’s the Christmas Eve dinner!” Alana chided, dragging Zoe down the busy street. Zoe’s boots clumped on the cigarette littered sidewalk, a smile playing upon her lips. Just when Alana seemed she was beginning to be truly annoyed, Zoe stopped her, tugging on her girlfriend’s hand.

”Hey.” She said simply, still holding onto the hand.

”Hey what?” Alana replied tiredly, shaking her braids slightly.

”Hey, I love you.” She finished, mouth curled up into a stupidly happy smile. Alana sighed, but couldn’t help but laugh at that giddy face, and leaned in to briefly lock lips with the girl in front of her.

——

Jared eventually did get better at taking care of Evan. After a few more lessons from Connor, he learned to keep the sarcasm to a minimum, and just... be quiet for a minute. Reassure him, hold him, just... keep the world at bay for a bit, because God knows it never leaves that kid alone.

Connor never babied Jared quite like he did Evan (Jar would have slapped him), but he realized quickly the boy had demons of his own and found ways to slay them, out of sleepless nights and terrified whispers at 2 am. 

At first, when their duo became a trio, Evan tried to be especially strong and confident, comforting, to his boyfriends. When they realized what he was doing, they quickly assured him that Evan helped them through by being his sweet, bumbling, nervous self. 

——

“Look, we’re almost there,” Evan said, pointing to the restaurant down the street. He grabbed a hand each of Connor and Jared and smiled. 

Looking down at his crinkled eyes and freckled cheeks, Jared felt his thoughts begin to clear. He’d been plagued by the holiday depression monster recently, but Connor and Evan had been putting pinpricks of light into the dark he sometimes felt surrounded by.

He let himself smile.

——

Zoe and Connor occasionally relapsed into their patterns of not communicating and fighting for no reason, but something small would happen, like Zoe digging out The Little Prince from her trunk, and things would be alright again. 

This time two years ago, they weren’t speaking, only occasionally flipping each other off, but it was hardly worth the effort. This time last year, they had reached a tentative peace, putting up decorations at Evan Hansen’s house and trying to tread lightly. Now, they were closer than ever, somehow understanding each other in a way that even all the boyfriends and girlfriends in the world couldn’t.

——

“Gimme a sec to text Zoe,” Connor said, pausing their chain of hand holding.

**Me: hey dunkass where are you we’re at the restaurant**

**Zozo: on our way**

**Zozo: btw ur shampoo is the besssttt**

**Me: fucking thief**

**Zozo: ;) luv ya**

**Me: love you too**

**Me: just get your ass over it’s cold out here**

——

Collectively, the group loved each other as well as they could.

They were broke, sometimes sick in the head, and usually irrevocably stupid, but they loved because they needed each other in ways that are difficult to put in words.

It was a cold Christmas that year, but all the warmer when they went home to the cozy apartment in Manhattan. 

——

“Evan! Your boyfriend is gonna kill me for using his shampoo!” Zoe screeched, latching onto Evan for protection from Connor. They were waiting in line for entry to John’s, a restaurant in Little Italy that they had seen on TV. Evan wasn’t sure how he was supposed to protect, but he hugged back just the same. 

“What. Idiots.” Jared said pleasantly to Alana, watching the scene unfold in front of them with a mixture of fondness and exasperation. 

“There’s a label on my Pantene for a reason, Zo!” Connor said, playfully slapping Zoe. She grinned and shook her newly soft locks.

”Connorrr,” Jared whined, “Make Evan stop hugging Zoe and get the bag of presents, I’m tired of waiting,”

”There are RULES, Jared!” Alana said, exasperated. “Don’t even fight me on this, you can’t-“ the conversation devolved into useless bickering. 

They were happy, and that’s all that mattered.

THE END


End file.
